December 5, 2006

I was a bit bewildered by the news that Maggie was cheating on Bianca with another woman.  I must not have paid that much attention to specifics when she brought up the fact a few weeks ago that Maggie was cheating.  My brain apparently spun its own interpretation of the data stream coming in.  I figured Maggie was having doubts about her ability to stay in a lesbian relationship for the rest of her life.  After all, she was wishy washy about her true feelings for Bianca for ages, during which she had at least two extended sexual relationships with men – Jamie and Jonathan.  I checked the transcripts, and this is what Bianca said:  “Maggie had never been with a woman before me, so I guess she needs to explore, see what else is out there. She swears that she still loves me. She just doesn't think that she can be committed to one person right now.”  So the real situation is that Maggie wants to know if she really is attracted to women or if it was just her love for Bianca that made her have those feelings?  UGH!  UGH!  UGH!  I feel bad for the BAM fans.  What a slap in the face.  I never really got into BAM, but I at least thought they had a beautiful friendship that had apparently turned into more.  Apparently not.   

Should I think it’s funny that Bianca and Josh are both in love with women who sooooo do not deserve their devotion?  While at the same time Erica and Kendall are with wonderful husbands, yet are way too preoccupied with their exes?  I probably should, but I don’t.  Just like I saw the humor in Jackson’s remark  about Jeff and Josh both preying on married women, but it was too much of an ouch to really enjoy it.  

Did I not tell you that the death throes of the Kane-Montgomery marriage were going to be gruesome?  I tried to have fun with it.  Every time someone twisted the knife, like when Erica wanted Jeff to carve the turkey, I bobbled my head back and forth, pointed my finger in the air, and said, “Oh no she di’in’t!”  But my heart just wasn’t in it.  It was all very soapy, and you know how much I love my soapy, but it was just so hard to watch. 

Eye Roll of the week:  Sean thought it was unfair that Erica hated him from the moment she came home and saw him in her house.  He left out the part where he had tons of other teens in there with him trashing the place.  Erica often deserves to be called Unreasonable, but this wasn’t one of those times.   

I thought it was interesting that Tad noticed David’s comment that Dixie was knew the secret he was about to tell, but Adam didn’t pick up on it.  Or didn’t he… 

I really, really, really liked it when Tad  urged Dixie to tell him the truth, reminding her of all the times that secrets tore them and their family apart.  How did she respond?  By continuing to proclaim there was nothing to what David said?  By making up some other thing to throw Tad off?  No.  SHE TOLD HIM THE TRUTH.  Woooo!!!  I loved it.  I love it when soap characters experience growth instead of making the same mistakes over and over again.   

Line of the Frickin Year:  “I prefer sleeves in November.” 

Since I read spoilers, I knew that Emma was going to turn out to be Annie’s daughter after all, but I had to chuckle that out of about ten DNA test result envelopes, the one that showed a match of course had to be the very. last. one.  How very soapy! 

Tad and Dixie were trying to persuade JR that he could forgive Babe someday, using the example of how JR forgave his mother.  JR’s response?  “I know why you did it now. You left because you loved me, and you loved Tad, and you couldn't come back without Kate. You stayed away out of love. But what part about Babe cheating on me was out of love?”  Major ouch!  I mentioned last week, it is hard to feel entirely sympathetic or unsympathetic to JR or Babe in this toxic little mess.  In such situations I just want to throw up my hands.  I honestly didn’t know what to think about JR’s insistence on going cold turkey with the pain killers.  Was it something to be admired?  Character growth as I touted in a previous paragraph?  Or does it fall under “too little, too late?”   

Another puzzler is Jeff’s behavior.  He has decided that he wants Erica and he will make no pretense otherwise.  He joins her for dinner and goes along with her silly antics (this supposedly more mature Erica that he admires for having grown out of her previous childishness), even goes so far as to help her bait Jackson (yeah, I know he was no innocent victim).  Then later, he lectures Jackson about not giving up on his wife, and tells Erica that he doesn’t want her by default.  Am I supposed to be disgusted by him for circling like a vulture over her dying marriage, or admire him for his restraint and sense of fair play?  Feh! 

Then there’s Krystal’s desperation to keep her marriage intact, while watching the very thing she dreads play out in her daughter’s life.  Those two are quite a pair.  I was annoyed by the fact that Babe’s outburst of emotion over David’s DVD was disingenuous.  If it weren’t for the fact that she was clearly doing it as a distraction technique, I might have felt bad for Babe.  Much as I enjoy watching David cut a path of destruction through Pine Valley, from Babe’s perspective he must make a pretty slimy example of a father.  Her subsequent tender moment with Tad would have been very sweet if I hadn’t had to take it with a grain of salt.  Speaking of David, I totally heart that he ended up working in a clinic in Southeast Asia.  How completely apropos.  Mwah, Doctor David.  You will be missed. 

When Annie was confiding in Ryan about how miserable her previous Thanksgiving was, he didn’t take the opportunity to commiserate by sharing the misery of his previous Thanksgiving.  Kendall brought up the fiasco a couple of times, even referring to Greenlee directly.  Yet when Ryan was given the chance to talk about it, the crickets were chirping. 

What to say about Zarf?  From a cartoonish standpoint, I think he’s a hoot.  I mentioned in a previous column that he would be great comic relief if he was brought back.  However, based on spoilers I know that his storyline is going to be major and it is going to be serious in tone.  So from that standpoint, I think they need to dial his behavior down a notch.  Watching Jeffrey Carlson in action, though, is definitely a treat.  Like George Clooney’s character said in Intolerable Cruelty, “Youuuuuu fascinate me!” I also have to give snaps to Connie Fletcher for her portrayal as Erin in lusty fangurl mode.  She did a brilliant job.  And leave it to Kendall to inject the much-needed dose of reality.  “What the hell are you doing????”   

Out of Body Experience of the week:  Bianca actually realizing that everyone in town sees her as some sort of magic eight ball (hee!).  “The Oracle of Pine Valley.”  The funny thing is that if Bianca is a magic eight ball, then her answers always equate to those vague replies that are never yes or no.  “Outlook is fuzzy.”  She’s the only one in town that ever admits to not having all the answers.  That’s probably why people spill their guts to her.  Her oracle powers are a bit flawed, though.  She seemed to be telling Babe that she wouldn’t be happy with JR until she was out of love with Josh.  True, maybe, but it isn’t like that can be flipped off like a switch. 

Unintentional Irony of the week:  Unaware of Zach’s dreams about the balcony at their new house, Kendall quips as they stand out on it, “I don’t have to tell you why this would be a nightmare.” 

I really am a goofball.  Here’s proof:  When Zach picked the note up off the ground that said “You murdered her,” you know what came into my head?  “Zoiks!  Fire up the Mystery Machine!” 

Thanks for reading.  Cheers! 

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