Oct 18, 2006

Wait up, hold it just one second…   

Does anyone besides Lucky NOT know that Jason and Liz did it and that the resulting bambino might, just might have Q juice running in his or her little veins?  I swear to God that there are no secrets in Port Charles, not a one.  How I would love for someone, anyone to just bust out and surprise the crap out of me.  Just once I would love to have a good old fashioned “holy shit!” moment while watching GH.  I am not asking for something so random that it looks like a stunt, but come on – throw me a bone!  Right now I think the only other person in PC who doesn’t know that Jason’s a biodad candidate is Morgan Corinthos, but he’s only four, give him time. 

More and more, the term “Six Degrees of Separation” pops into my head when I watch GH.  I realize that Port Charles is not a huge booming metropolis, actually it’s more of a microcosm of humanity, complete with its own university, a shopping mall, the worldwide headquarters for multi-national conglomerate that makes defective condoms and a huge mob influence.  However, there should be enough people so that the inhabitants of the town aren’t constantly teetering on the brink of committing incest!  Maybe incest is a little strong, but it seems to me that the gene pool (or dating pool) is mighty shallow.   

Let’s talk Liz, who’s married to Lucky and whose best friend is Emily – Liz who slept with Jason who is Emily’s brother and who has a child with Zander, Emily’s ex-husband. Liz, who also carried a baby for Jax and Courtney, whose half brother is Sonny who is Jason’s boss and best pal.  Courtney was also married to Jason, Emily’s brother who let the whole town believe that he and Carly had a kid together.  Carly once thought that the child she was carrying was the result of a drunken encounter with Ric who is Sonny’s half brother and who also was married to Liz and knocked her up.   We haven’t even scratched the surface folks.   I think it’s safe to say that  Miss Liz gets around. 

Seems like every time she lays down someone trips and their penis falls in her. 

Do you think they can expect a gift from Helena? 

So ABC is planning the full-on retrospective of Luke and Laura’s love story.  It’s designed to get new viewers caught up in GH’s iconic love story so that they really miss Genie when she’s gone.  It will all come to a head on what will, or actually what would have been, the couples silver wedding anniversary.  Hell-O, paging Tracy Quartermaine – table for one! 

Incidentally, do the writers think that the viewers only have one collective brain cell between us?  If Luke and Laura were married for 25 years and Nikolas was born after Laura was kidnapped by Stavros, that would mean that Nik is not yet 25.  Not even.   I won’t even mention the fact that Rebecca Herbst recently stated in ABC Soaps in Depth that Liz shouldn’t be engaging Maxi in such a horribly immature manner when she is supposedly 10 years older.  That’d make her about 28 years old – wouldn’t it? Oh, yeah, I said I wouldn’t mention it.  Whoops.  

Déjà vu all over again 

I know that GH is planning a big whodunit for sweeps and that they are in the midst of setting up the scenario and laying the groundwork for the looooonngg list of suspects in the murder.  You know, the part where they show tiny scenes in which the intended corpse has run-ins with various characters so they can all have a chance to spew their vitriol, maybe even sneer “someday you’ll be dead and I’ll wear a red dress to your funeral”.  The even money is on Ric to bite the big one.  After all, damn near everyone in town has a reason to hate him or even want him to be worm food. 

I have a theory  that TIIC may just be setting up a little “Who Shot JR?” bit.  Think about it.  How much better would it be to have Ric shot, but not killed and have everyone in town who either fantasized about killing him or even went so far as to make a move towards doing it – waiting around for the other shoe to drop.  Face it, with the PCPD investigating the crime this story could spin out for years.  Maybe Ric is in a coma?  Maybe he can’t speak because he’s partially paralyzed or something like that.  And what if Ric in his psychotic, Machiavellian way, conspires to bring down Jason or his brother in one fell swoop.  What if he was just nuts enough to stage his own attack to frame, oh I don’t know, maybe Jason?  And what if someone else just did the job a little better than Ric had planned? 

Hmmm.   

Two weeks vacation, with pay

A lot is being said about the possibility of Kelly Monaco not re-upping with the show.  You know what?  I really think that ship has sailed.  She may have feelers out and yeah, she was really hot shit after DWTS, but that was almost two years ago.  She needs to take a page from the Daytime Star Survival Guide and not bite the hand that feeds her.  Plenty of incredibly talented people have tried to make the jump and failed.  Yeah, there’s Meg Ryan and Julianne Moore, even Vanessa Marcil and Josh Duhamel have achieved quite respectable success, but does anyone remember Ingo Rademacher in Titans?   

I rest my case. 

Smooches Babycakes!