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December 31, 2005 There is no rumor mill, nor has there ever been, like the internet soap world! Whether it's a cleaning lady with "found" information posting as "ryanlvr1954," a fan posting a breathy "I wonder if..." speculation or a columnist adding two and two together and getting four (or six), you can bet that the net pick pick up that tidbit and run. Like many other soap fans, I was first drawn to the soap net world for the spoilers. I never knew that such a beast existed until 1997 when I (at work, naturally) thought to check yahoo and see if there was any information about the soaps I'd watched since they began. Holy mackanoli! It was the beginning of a love affair and as it turned out, the beginning of friendships and and a public writing project that would ultimately turn into Eye on Soaps. It can definitely be hard to separate the rumors and gossip from the real scoops. In fact, I know of sites that post completely fictionally rumors in with their (very reliable) spoilers (no, it's not us) just to see how far the misinformation would travel. Hey, when you bust your butt on a website for years (trust me, no one realizes how much work this is until they actually try and do it), you have to get your jollies somehow. At Eye on Soaps, we get ours by getting Sage all liquored up and forcing him to do the Chunk Truffle Shuffle with his smooth, hard, six-pack tummy. It's a touch job, I mean tough job, but someone has to do it. As long as people have been communicating, they have been sharing news, rumors and speculation and this is part of our drop into that vast sea of gossip. So let's see what is brewing about One Life to Live... The rumor ball is growing after this week's further reveal about Paige and Spencer's baby being given up for adoption 28 years ago (so Paige is what, about fifty?) and is now further stoked by the potential of a double lost kid story. This week we learn that Spencer and Asa have a "woman from the past" in common. Is Spencer yet another Buchanan boy?? If that turns out to be the case, my money is on Mistah Nash as the missing Truman chile, just because he fits the rogue Buchanan stereotype much better than the button-downed Hugh Hughes. Niki's long lost child? Sure, I'll buy it. Nora? No problem. I just don't see him as a Buchanan. My conviction in this is further fueled by the way the scene cut away from Paige's revelation to Hugh... a real red herring if ever I saw one. While the lesser attentive (and thinking) fans would start screaming that this could not possibly be since Tess and Nash have been going at it like rabbits (sort of like "9 1/2 Hours" enacted in 30 seconds by bunnies) and that would make them related if Nash is a Buchanan! Well, no, it actually would not because Jessica is not a Buchanan; she is a Laurence and is a Buchanan by adoption. Still too very Soon Yi and Woody Allen for you and think OLTL won't go there? Pfft. Two names for you: Joey and "Flash" and if you need further evidence, I'll throw in Tina and David, with Tina all over David in every way, shape and form while she still thought he was her brother (and missing Lord heir, who actually turned out to be Todd, with whom she fortunately shared no such attraction).
Regardless of how this banjo-picking, big-eared having show works out the paternity of the various and sundry Lost Boys it has created, we must find a mommy for Hugh or it will be too sad for words. We must also find the sadistic social services bozo who named this child "Hugh Hughes" and torture them with olive forks and cattle prods. One Life to Live is known for three specific characteristics: 1) Outstanding stand alone shows, such as "Trading Places," "Babes Behind Bars" and other such efforts. 2) Quietly going about ushering us into controversial stories without even letting us realize we're going there, such as Andrew Carpenter being accused of inappropriate acts with a young gay man, Marty's gang rape and most recently, the brutal killing of a pregnant woman and her baby. 3) Taking for-frickin-ever to close a story arc, such as who the complete hell is Matthew's father and do we even care any more? We are in full swing with #3 in a couple of different areas. I see no end in sight of the Jessica/Antonio/Tess/Nash mess. I see no end in sight for the Natalie, Cris, John and Evangeline 52-card pick up relationship melee either. If Natalie gets pregnant and a "who's the daddy" story is tacked onto this mess, I may need those olive fork and cattle prods back for a side job. Mind you, if Evangeline got pregnant and didn't know if Cris or John was the father, THAT would be entertainment, folks! I love good irony at work!
Do we rah-eeeally think that Spencer was up to good works while he was poking around in Kelly's wide open belly, reaming out her plumbing to make room for Kevin's little swimmers to go nuts on her nova of ova? Nah, I didn't think so. It can't be that simple. You know he was pulling some kind of Island of Dr Moreau stuff once he was in there. What would be the biggest Kevin revenge Spencer could exact? I'm thinking impregnating her with Todd's sperm... or maybe David's...or even Duke's. (RJ's?) Regardless, I am betting we can rest assured that the dastardly doc wreaked some kind of insane havoc on poor Kelly's innards.
Poor John. You know you are one demented, jacked up, psychotic mess when BO tells you, "You gotta get counseling." He let Antonio beat the complete hell out of and scream down everything animate and inanimate within a 50 mile radius of Llanview and turned a blind eye, but as soon as John gets a little moody, it's off to the shrink's couch with him! I find it hilarious that when John and Cris finally duke it out this week, it's in a very gentlemanly fashion at the gym.
As you have seen hinted on screen, OLTL is ready to give Kathy Brier and Nathaniel Marston another go at rekindling the Al and Marcie passion that seemed to go belly up with Al's death. Reactions to the first re-pairing of this couple were less than luke-warm and it is an interesting case study in soap history that within a very short period of time and with the same actors, the chemistry fell flatter than a week old sodie pop. My guess on why Marcie and Michael falter where Marcie and Al were a hit? Mostly because Marcie and Michael are written as the most annoying characters on the planet, particularly when they are together. Why the pull to recreate this abysmal failure is beyond me, but I am willing to give it a try. Perhaps the writers have an ace up their sleeve (saying "Ace" in conjunction with OLTL should be outlawed and I deeply apologize for the offense) and will make it work. Personally, I loved the unfolding of Marcie's friendship with Hugh and hope that will eventually head somewhere.
With Nora set to wake up from her coma now that Hillary B. Smith has a contract signed, we are left to speculate the state in which she will be upon awakening. O but could there be a Dr Colin/Troy waiting for her? Pfft, not a chance, I know, but dayum, it's nice to dream.
Now honestly, I ask you. How did Carlotta NOT realize Jessica is pregnant? I almost fell over when she expressed surprised. The girl is so huge I wondered if there might be a baby in there for both Nash AND Antonio (and Tess and Jessica). Funny that (as I recall) Kendall, Courtney and Jessica all got pregnant around the same time and Jessica is the only one showing and wow, what a show it is! Flaunting how sure they are that we just do not notice anything (and we don't), it is interesting to note that NuPaige, Alexandra Neil, has already appeared on OLTL two other times, both as Jeannie Johnson #3 in 1986 and as Whitney Lachlan, David and Dorian's wedding planner (introduced here). (Who th' frig was Jeannie Johnson?)
If only we could switch burners between the stories that are now front and center and the ones that have been left to languish and burn, we'd be in business! There's great stuff going on with OLTL if you push past the trees and get into the real forest! And that's all of Llanview's news for now! Have a wonderful holiday season!
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