March 13, 2006

AMC

Hell hath no fury like a woman who learns that the father of her baby talked about letting a dragon-slaying, spittle-flinging, terminally angry, frighteningly bitter widow adopt said baby.

To make matters even more convoluted, Ryan then overhears Kendall discussing the possibility of adoption with Greg Madden and gets all pissy about it, proving that he needs to restock his supply of "Hypocrite" muscle shirts because he's obvious wearing them a good bit and just could not possibly have enough. 

So basically, they are both pissed at each other until Ryan works his wiles on her and she takes back all of his "Hypocrite" muscle shirts and exchanges them for a drawer full of rose colored glasses that convince her that Ryan is a changed man.  Kissage occurs and Kendall is all set to consummate but Ryan the Changed Man stops her and tells her that she's trying to drown herself in his lubbins to forget about Zach and he's just not having any of that.

As if that's not enough, after he hears Kendall discussing adoption with Dr Madden, Ryan brings ERICA into the mess as though any person in their right mind who is in a volatile, complicated relationship would say, "Shit!  Get Erica!"  That's like screaming, "Get me some gasoline, fast!" when you are on the second floor of a blazing building.

Of course, Erica has a sane and rational way of dealing with the "problem" of Greg suggesting to Kendall that since she is having trouble bonding with her baby and isn't sure she wants to be a mother, adoption might be a viable option for her.  She poisons him and he has a heart attack.

But of course, Erica is not a bad person.  Why would we think that?  I must be completely mistaken to think she's a freakin psychopath who should be behind bars about a hundred times over.

The proof that she's a kind, generous and unselfish person is walking around in the form of Josh, the baby she aborted not because her health was at risk, not because she was too young to raise a baby on her own, not because she was raped, but because she did not want to lose her slim and shapely figure.  No matter how many years go by or how many heart-wrenching memories she dredges up in psychotic break after psychotic break, I never, ever get over how obsessively and blatantly self-involved Erica is.  There is literally never a selfless moment and talk about shock and awe.  That is what I feel every single time I see Jack and Kendall and Bianca and Opal and her other lackeys flying into action to do damage control, all the while babbling incessantly about protecting Erica and how blameless their girl is.  Have I mentioned it makes me vomit?

Josh continues to knock heads with Julia, so of course that means they only have a few feet to go before they are knocking boots.  ew.

Those scary Cary women just don't miss a beat.  Babe has finally broken JR to his knees and this week, he cries and apologizes for everything, not just to Babe, but also to Krystal, Tad, Jamie, Di, David AND to Babe.  It's like an intervention in reverse.  He proposes and Babe accepts, but what is on her mind is still getting sole custody of her son. 

Meanwhile, Adam's profession of love leads to continued deception on Krystal's part because well, that's just what they do.  I guess she figures if it works for her baby doll, why not put a little lying and using to work in her own relationship (like it's the first time - not!).

After watching her son in agony over his own son being in danger and hearing everyone in Pine Valley extol at length on how much they miss her and need her, Dixie ultimately decides they are better off without her.  She gets a fever, likely from her own stupidity burning its way out of her, and begs Zach, to go get Tad.  Zach hoofs off to get Tad and is about to dump the pickles out of that particular barrel when Dixie comes out of her fevered haze, phones him up and tells him to not tell after all.  She later needs a whipping post to let loose some of that building frustration over being an idiot, so she calls up Di and rants at her for a little while longer, then decides to leave town.

(Didn't like her before, don't like her now and the only time I ever did like her was when she was Di)

Coming up the week of March 20th:

- A little Zach and Kendall moment on that ill-fated rooftop of Fusion.

- A wedding for JR and Babe and a renewal of vows for Adam and Krystal.

- A redux of Brooke and Laura English with Amanda in the Laura role (saw that coming a mile off)

- Not realizing that staying in town means she will be discovered, Dixie comes face to face with David.  David does not hesitate to use her secret to his own advantage.

- Undaunted, Erica resumes her efforts to take out Greg Madden (and not for dinner and a movie).