April 15, 2007  

Come on in and take a seat at the counter!  Mike’s got some cookies baking in the kitchen that are so good, you’ll have to have one even if you’re grounded for locking your parents in the basement.  If you’re being hounded by paparazzi, you should definitely try our new garlic burger.  Take a bite, then just head over to the reporters and breathe on them—they’ll disappear in no time!  What’s that you say?  Sounds like gunshots coming from downstairs? You’ll get used to them; this is Port Charles after all. 

I’m fairly certain that The Powers That Be have found a warehouse where you can buy shooting montages in bulk.  They just pull one out every couple of months and attach it to a Friday episode when they’ve run out of ideas.  It’s the same place they buy scenes of Carly fighting with Sonny, Lucky saying “blah blah Our Baby blah blah,” and mustaches for Ric and Alcazar to twirl. 

Apparently, Luke and Tracy are physically involved these days.  Who knew?  It might have been nice to see some build-up but I guess there’s only so much room for romance on a soap opera.  I think Carly and Jax are hogging it all with his latest proposal.  Is this the third or fourth time Jax has proposed?  I really can’t keep track!  And that ring was ridiculous.  I know Jax is rich but I didn’t know he could afford the Hope Diamond.   

I think Cooper might end up being Maxie’s big love.  He’s genuinely supportive of her and gets major bonus points for saving her from a hitman.  Cool, calm, and collected enough to hit a target within inches of your girlfriend’s head—that’s sexy.  I plan to just ignore the fact that he’s a former hostage taker and presently a mole for Sonny.  It’s so much nicer to just think of him as a police cadet who knows how to treat a woman right.  I’m a little weary of all the gray characters on this show.  I want to be able to actually root for a good guy once in awhile instead of having to choose between mobsters, hitmen, and nutcase district attorneys.  They have plenty of men on the canvas that could be good old-fashioned heroes but always seem to make them look like idiots instead of the dashing young men that they are.  I would be so excited if Lucky, Nikolas, and Patrick got to play suave actions heroes once in a while like Robert, Luke, and Sean used to do.  Granted, Patrick and Nikolas aren’t spies or policemen, but I’m sure they could hold their own when the situation called for it.  Nikolas carried Robin out of the Metro Court like an old pro in February.  I’m sure he took a class or two on rescuing damsels in distress during his princely training. 

I’m still mulling over Dillon and Lulu’s date.  It seemed setup to show that they aren’t on the same wavelength as Dillon’s romantic movie scene did not impress Lulu at all.  She’s too down to earth to actually romance, so I’m not sure how the other boys will make out either.  I’m hoping we don’t have to watch her date with Milo because I really can’t stand the character.  Pulling a gun because someone might be flirting with your crush?  If I was Lulu, I’d never talk to Milo again.  He’s prime material for a psycho abusive boyfriend.  And he’s way too young and inexperienced to be believable as Sonny’s main bodyguard.  Apologies to any Milo lovers out there, but I’m hoping he’s a casualty in the next, inevitable, mob shootout.  If he’s lucky, he’ll even be featured in a montage.  As for Spinelli, I don’t want him with Lulu for his own sake.  He needs a woman who can appreciate his quirkiness and I volunteer Georgie for the job.   

So we know that Mr. Monroe at least attacked Sam at some point and that Amelia is likely to be his daughter.  Even if Sam killed him, I don’t know why she’d feel like she had to keep it from Jason so I’m not buying that a death is all that went down.  It’s hard to imagine what heinous crime she could have committed that would repulse Jason.  Did she wear Mr. Monroe’s leather jacket out in the rain one day and then forget to treat it for water damage?   

Thank you for your patronage.  Be sure to come back next week and grab a cup of coffee.  You’ll need it to make it through another week’s worth of secret glances between Elizabeth and Jason.