May 15, 2007  

Missing from the General Hospital Writer’s Lounge:  Logic. 

Award if found:  Storylines that don’t have to be twisted in knots to make sense. 

It makes no sense:  Spinelli’s fixation on Stone Cold Jr.  It’s really bordering on the crazy these days.  It doesn’t help that he, in addition to Dr. Kelly and Epiphany, are spouting garbage about the baby having to bond with family within 48 hours or some such nonsense. Granted, soap operas are dependent on biological parents for drama’s sake; how else could new characters be brought on but as long lost offspring?  But it’s just offensive to insinuate that adopted children or children born in the midst of an emergency are going to suffer some sort of trauma because they missed a magical window of family bondage.  If Spinelli isn’t revealed to have daddy issues, I’m going to be pissed that an entertaining character has been rendered unlikable by this fixation. 

It makes no sense:  Craig forcing Emily to sign a money transfer as a means to gain leverage.  There is no way that she couldn’t convince a jury she signed under duress.  Craig/Jerry is a wanted felon.  He personally terrorized half of Port Charles.  And we’re supposed to think Emily would be held liable?  At least we were fed a new logic twist to compensate for that absurdity—present anti-terror laws would allow the government to arrest first, charge later.  When  Emily gets shipped off to prison, can I get the dress she’s been wearing all week?  It’s fabulous.   

It makes no sense:  Are hysterectomies some sort of cure-all for women’s wombs like chicken soup is for the soul?  

It makes no sense:  Scott suing for custody of Laura.  He has no grounds to do so.  He’s had several loves since Laura not to mention a pair of daughters—why the sudden fascination with her?  Besides, no judge would grant an ex-husband custody over a woman’s oldest son.  I’ll let this one slide for now since Luke, Scotty, and Tracy in a room together makes my day.   

It makes no sense:  Sam can spill a secret faster than she can dash from the hospital to the Metro Court bar.  Seriously, did you see that?  She was lurking in the hallway and basically warped over to the bar before Elizabeth could finish her requisite St. Jason worship for his Glorious Sacrifice.  Then, one drink later, and she’s given Amelia even more dirt to lord over her.  Obviously, liquor is not her friend.  Will she soon , like Sonny, have dramatic standoffs with bottles of Scotch while going through a rough spell?   

And finally, my favorite line of the week, which, while making no sense, is incredibly funny— 

Jax to Jerry:  What the hell did you do to your face? 

What’s hilarious is that Jerry now looks much more like Jax than he did originally, which basically means Jax was insulting his own looks and….okay, just me then?  Perhaps General Hospital Logic is rubbing off on me.  Help!

The Gourmez