September 6, 2007  

Please, take a seat!  Our special breakfast this week is Omelette de Guerre de Gangster, a rather bland dish, made with the same ingredients as always:  a dash of threats, a cup of brooding mobster, and a saucy montage of falling bullets.  Dig in; I’m sure you’ll find it boring. 

I wonder if there’s a single General Hospital fan that thought to themselves, “Hmm, I really wish there was another mob war.  I find them so thrilling.”  It’s not like there’s any chance that Sonny and Jason will lose—where’s the suspense in that?  If our writers can’t manage to generate a new storyline that imperils the populace, then they really shouldn’t be writing for the show anymore.  We need new blood and not just from another side character getting shot.  The only moderately interesting aspect of this new war is that we get to see Ric’s father, who strikes me as a magnificent bastard in the footsteps of Damien Smith and Victor Jerome.  Otherwise, wash, rinse, repeat. 

The rape of Jax continues to be all about Carly.  It’s impossible to justify her anger at being abandoned when we all know, Jax included, that she’d run off to help Jason or Sonny at any time.  Heck, she just did it last month to exonerate Jason.  And are we to believe that because Jax made a bad choice, he deserves everything Irina did to him?  Jax had better be allowed to show some anger for how Carly’s treating him.   He needs to freak out and break down the next time someone mentions “slept with” or “cheated on” and scream “RAPE, I was bloody RAPED” at the top of his lungs.  Then maybe Carly will realize what a self-centered little twit she is.  And pigs will fly.  I know, I know, wishful thinking. 

And when, exactly, did Jerry become Carly’s #1 fan?  She certainly is one in a million but that’s not a compliment.  In her eleven years in Port Charles, I have yet to find one redeeming quality.  Her loyalty to the two mobsters that keep her in money and bulletproof vests cannot be considered a virtue.  I don’t even like Jax but I pity him now that he’s trapped in her web.  I wouldn’t wish the dysfunction of her life on anyone.  Perhaps she slipped him a love potion during Spencer’s kidnapping.  He did seem to shift from despising her to admiring her overnight.  Hmm, so did Jerry.  I think I’m on to something. 

Jason’s quickly squandered the goodwill he built up after losing the hair gel.  I was melting behind the baby blues for a few weeks but then he started threatening people again.  Note to writers, this is a soap opera.  I’m interested in love lives, families, secret pasts, but not violence.  When a storyline calls for violence, I want it to happen off-screen.   I do not want it to be a daily activity for my leading men.  I won’t want them to whisk me off to bed if I’m worried about their bloodstained hands messing up my sheets, now will I?  And Jason’s just dripping with hypocrisy these days—the latest being his anger that Logan forced a kiss on Lulu while yelling at Jax for “sleeping with” Irina.  If you’re going to get pissed off about one sexual assault, then you better not completely write off another. 

I’m quite impressed that Liz didn’t hit Sam with that iron when she came to gloat.  That girl is ridiculously brazen with her revenge plots.  Subtlety, thy name is not Sam McCall.  And Lucky is definitely playing a game with her.  I don’t think it’s “Will my wife get jealous if I cheat?” but rather “When will Sam spill the paternity beans?”  I know I’m giving Lucky more credit than he’s earned of late but I really want to believe that the one is a cover for the other. 

At last, we were given a chem test for Georgie and Spinelli.  What did you all think?  I think they can work:  Spinelli’s high energy enough on his own; combined with Lulu they bring shrieking to levels that would break a whale’s eardrum.  Georgie seems to mellow him out.  We’ll know it’s a go if he actually uses fewer Spinellisms around her.  I did think her classification of Logan as a jerk in jerk’s clothing was hilarious.  

I miss Alexis.  And Luke.  And the Quartermaines. 

Next week, Kate Howard’s giving a lesson on Scotch tasting.   She’s been sampling an aged single malt lately, refined and sugary, but is also open to the younger, punchier blends.  She’s mum as to her favorite, but stop by and maybe she’ll give us a hint.

The Gourmez