Dear Dr. Phil,
 

I am in my mid-twenties, and I have been married twice before, once to a drug dealer/kidnapper and once to a prince. I am also a rape victim, medical student, and I almost died during a recent bout with breast cancer. When I was little, I lost my mother to cancer, but I was adopted by a woman she met during her cancer treatment. I love my adopted mother and father, but our family is very dysfunctional. Unfortunately, I have no memories of my birth father. I’m writing to you today, because I need advice about my current relationship with an older man.
 

The man I’m in love with is my brother’s best friend. We have been acquaintances for many years, and recently he asked me to baby-sit his children when his ex-wife became mentally ill and had to be institutionalized. He is a rich and powerful man whose work can sometimes turn violent. However, he has never been anything but kind and loving towards me. He is also a divorcee’ and a widower. His first wife lost her life in a car bombing. 

 

We have been together for about three weeks, but it took several weeks for me to convince him that we should date. We are currently sleeping together, and he says that he loves me, but he hasn’t asked me to marry him yet. We are also keeping our relationship a secret because our friends and family disapprove of us being together, but he assures me that this is only temporary. What bothers me right now is how moody he is. I’ve never had a relationship with anyone who had this kind of problem, and the mood swings are starting to get on my nerves. I’m young and I want to have fun, but this is really putting a damper on our love life. Please don’t tell me to stop seeing him, because he is really a great kisser. I think about him constantly, and I love it when he takes me away to exotic places so we can be together.

Signed,
Dying for Dimples

Port Charles, NY

 

 

Dear Dying for Dimples, 

 

Wake up and smell the compost pile girlfriend! This man may be a great kisser, but he is trouble with a capital T. If you are lucky enough not to get whacked in this relationship, chances are that you’ll be baby-sitting this guy in a mental institution when he has his own nervous breakdown. Do you need a hearing aid? It sounds like your friends and family are trying to tell you something and you’re not listening! 
 

Clearly, you are a few bricks short of a load, or you wouldn’t have hooked up with this guy. He is playing you! If this relationship was the right thing to do, then both of you wouldn’t be sneaking around town like a couple of thieves. Why is it when people have issues, they dance all around them instead of opening their eyes and using a little common sense?
 

The best thing for you to do right now is slap yourself, and take a good look in the mirror. You don't need a medical license to know this relationship is going straight to H-E- Double Hockey-sticks. You should focus on learning how to draw the line when it comes to letting your libido loose to play in the street. And even though I’m not a trained professional, I want you to remember that you don’t need a degree in astrophysics to know that if having brains and being smart were the same thing, we'd all be Albert Einstein. 

 

Thank you for reminding me that there will never be a shortage of stupid people out there that need my help.
 

Dr. Phil