AMC, How Do I Love Thee?

I love All My Children these days.  From the moment that Janet From Another Planet set foot back in town I can’t wait until the next episode.   The depth of my love does vary from week to week, but for the most part, I just can’t get enough.  While Robin Mattson was a powerhouse in her own right, Kate Collins was the original psycho, and she was down right spooky in her obsession of Trevor back in the days when Natalie was living at the bottom of a well with only Harold the dog to talk to.  She gives Janet that edge that makes you crack a smile even when she’s tormenting someone.  She’s just bloody fantastic.  I am saddened however, by the demise of our beloved Uncle Pork Chop.  I was so hoping that Amanda’s then Janet’s return meant Trevor couldn’t be far behind, but this wasn’t exactly the homecoming I was looking for.  I had hoped that AMC would have given Pork Chop a proper send off, or at least a freaking phone call to Tim and Hayley.  Wishful thinking.  Janet is complex character for a nut job-normally the loonies are written so black and white.  Janet actually has moments where you understand her and even feel a little sorry for her.  The scene between her and Zach was pretty heart tugging, and kudos to Kate for making us believe that Janet was true and sincere in her guilt and apology over killing Ethan. 

Speaking of Zach, GET OVER IT!  If you want Kendall, you better go get her cause she needs you now more than ever.   And it is so nice to see Ryan not acting like a jackass, what Kendall is trying to do is so wrong it hurts. But they need to stop making Zach out to be such a deplorable person.  It’s starting to piss me off.     

We all knew Dixie was coming back eventually.  Cady McClain has left so many times I’ve lost count, and lord knows we won’t accept any other actress in that role, so it was really only a matter of time.  I heard some booing about how Dixie has suddenly become sainted, and to that I say-Have ya’ll been watching the same show I have for the past 20 years?  Dixie has always been sainted and sweet and treated like glass.  Even when she was playing house with Brian Bodine or being David’s whore in the bedroom.   No one has ever cast Dixie in a less than flattering light.  Like Laura on GH, Dixie is forever the golden girl, the picture of innocence.  I’m giving two very enthusiastic thumbs up to the flashbacks featuring moments from Dixie’s past, a perfect way to saint her even more.   Even though Dixie is lurking around every corner like your friendly neighborhood stalker, when she’s finally found out I guarantee little cherubs will float down from heaven to cast a halo upon her head as she spills her only acceptable in the soap world excuse for staying away.  Whatever her reasons, I am delighted to learn that the wicked Dr. Madden has struck again and plays into the disappearance of Cate.   Now Erica is totally justified in poisoning him!  Maybe her, Dixie, and Julia can all gang up and murder him together!  I’d kinda like to see little Miss Cooney go all country trailer park on his ass.  Think what Krystal would do if someone tried to steal her “Baby Doll”! 

Ah yes, Miss Erica.   Erica Kane is the reason I first started watching soaps.   As a child I found her glamorous, she was one of the first females on television that I saw who had a bigger set of balls then all the men around her.  Alexis Carrington had nothing on her as far as I was concerned.  And though Erica has many, many, faults and may suffer from a severe case of Munchausen Syndrome (she invented modeling and now this new thing called TV.  She’s got a show, have you seen it?), she is a force to be reckoned with.  Erica has turned ferocious when her family, especially her bloodline is threatened in the past (anybody remember this one? “No Kane baby will be raised in a Chandler house.”) And her current revenge plot is demented.  Of course She’s really stupid to think that she’ll be able to keep the fact that Josh is her son a secret, but then again, if she weren’t then this storyline might actually be over before the next millennium.  I must say that whoever came up with that is either brilliant or one sick puppy.  I love Ian Buchanan and Dr. Madden, the gentleman sicko, why are dudes with English accents always so good at being bad?  You knew he was shady from day one, and if he really is as diabolical as I suspect, there is no better person to take him down than La Kane.  I just hope that she gets all the glory so she can go to trail and not go to prison again.   All violations aside though, Erica needs to own up to the fact she is Josh’s mother.  As wrong as what Madden did is, she is just as wrong for sitting on the truth.  Everyone deserves to know who their parents are, and no one has the right to keep it from them.  Not even the grand Erica Kane.

I must admit I also love Krystal and Adam.  We’ll just ignore the fact that it’s a little bit icky that Babe and JR are not only husband and wife, but stepsiblings too!  

Not crazy about Lily and Jonathan.  I know it’s supposed to be sweet and innocent, but Jonathan-no matter what the level of his brain functionality-is a grown man with a grown man’s penis and Lily is just a girl, even when she’s 18, she’s still just a girl.  It doesn’t seem quite right, and echoes another show cough, cough GH- with a similar couple that’s making me ill.    

Um, where the hell is Noah?  We all know he’s not really dead.  Make Keith Hamilton Cobb an offer he can’t refuse already.  If you don’t, you’re going to have to shoot Julia.   

Can ya give Dani something more to do than be a gorgeous accessory to Fusion’s office décor? Oh, she’s been taken off contract?  Well ain’t that a bitch?   

What happened to Simone?  Can we give this girl a story? A really good one, like oh I don’t know, a sexy evil doctor we all love to hate to love?  That would give David something better to do than obsessing over Dixie.  He doesn’t stand a chance and it makes him pathetic.  Why blackmail a woman who wants nothing with you when there’d a dark-haired, lovely lady in need of a little comfort from the loss of her fiancée?  

Hey, did you know they moved Las Vegas to Fridays?   You should give Josh Duhamel a call.  And while you’re at it, give Rebecca Budig a ringy-dingy too, cause what’s she doing now?

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