A Note to The Powers That Be

Messieurs, Mesdames…you need a lesson in the definition of the term “cast integration.”  Allow me.  Please.  It would be my pleasure.

First off, let’s discuss why we need this little lesson.  For quite some time, fans of GH have been clamoring for more cast integration.  For the longest time, it seemed as though the entire show should have been named “Sonny Hospital,” because the entire show was about Sonny, mobster with the so called heart of gold.  (oops – please pardon me whilst I go after my eyeballs, which just yet again rolled right out of my head.)   Granted, a lot of viewers *like* Sonny.  Once upon a time, even I liked Sonny.  Back when he had a heart, before he became a self-righteous twit who was convinced he could do no wrong.  But I digress.  As I said, viewers once loved Sonny Corinthos.  And so the powers that be (heretofore to be known as TPTB) decided that since viewers loved Sonny, why not let him take over the whole show?  Let’s have a super Sonny show!  All Sonny!  All the time!  Viewers will love it!  Ratings will SOAR!

Eh.  Not so much.  Viewers got a little tired of Sonny Hospital.  So TPTB did focus groups, and first heard the term “cast integration.”  Aha!  They said – let us bring more people into the Sonny Sphere!  So the created what was sarcastically known as The Fab Four.  Carly, Sonny, Jason & Courtney, and never was there a more self-righteous foursome.  Never mind that they were mobsters and their mob molls.  They were better than all, and made to be heroes and heroines.  There you go!  TPTB proclaimed!  Cast Integration!  Now it’s not Sonny Hospital, it’s The Fab Four Show!  Not just Sonny – but Carly thetrueandohsobrave!  Jason, stealing his brother’s wife, just because he can!  Courtney the ho!  Viewers will love it!  Ratings will SOAR!

And again – not so much.  Viewers got tired of the Fab Four – because it was still, all Sonny, all the time.  So TPTB did more focus groups, and heard it again – “cast integration.”  But we did that!  Obviously the viewers just don’t like this configuration.  So we’ll blow apart the Fab Four and play find your partner, do se do, and see who ends up where!  Fans will love it!  It’s not Sonny Hospital, it’s not the Fab Four Show, it’s Grab Your Partner!  Carly will get shot in the head by her true love!  We’ll bring in a hot new chickee just for Sonny, who will toss her aside for his enforcer to have when he’s done! Viewers will love it!  Ratings will SOAR!

Are we seeing a pattern here?  Ratings did not soar.  And TPTB keep trying to do what they consider cast integration and failing miserably.  I can see them now, sitting there in their offices, looking at the ratings with hurt puzzled looks, not understanding why the ratings continue to drop.  Heck – didn’t they give us cast integration?  More people involved with Sonny. And Carly.  And Jason.  Isn’t that what the viewers want?

How many are actually watching the Sonny Bi-polar storyline?  Not me.  I reached my Sonny limit when he hung AJ on a meat hook, then spent the next two years telling AJ what a bad person he was.  I’m done.  I’m sure Maurice Bernard is doing stellar work – after all  - his hair is mussed.  Voila.  He’s manic.  I don’t need to watch his scenes, to hear him heap abuse on person after person.  Pfft.  I’ve seen that over the last 4 years, only most of the time his hair is combed.  That is NOT cast integration.  Having a boy’s night out where it’s all about Carly is not cast integration either.  Seriously.  I reached my limit with Carly when she apologized to Sonny for him shooting her in the head while she was giving birth.  So having to hear Patrick wax rhapsodic about the merits of Carly….ew.  (I threw up a little in my mouth right then.  Honestly.  And it was much worse yesterday when I saw it.)  That is NOT cast integration.  It’s just more of the same dreck we’ve been watching.

Nope.  Let me clue you in.  When we say cast integration, that means we want to see Luke interacting with his daughter.  And his son.  And his daughter-in-law.  And his step-grandson.  And his stepson.  And his sister.  You know.  His FAMILY.  Have that group interact with the Quartermaines.  Oh I know – you brought Luke into the Quartermaines, and Lulu, so there’s your cast integration.  It’s like you see the concept, but through a glass darkly.  If you want to do cast integration, don’t make it revolve around one character.  Honestly – if it’s a character we’re already sick up, it’s not going to matter how many you bring in to worship at their feet.  We’re still going to fast forward through it.  Have Luke interact more with Dillon, and therefore Georgie.  Have Robert move in with Mac and invisible Flea, and Maxie and Georgie.  And have a men’s night out – with Mac, Robert, Luke, and Lorenzo showing up unexpectedly.  Have Mac and Robert and Luke clue Lorenzo in about strong women like Anna and Skye and how to deal with them (note I did not say handle – you don’t “handle” strong women – you accept their strengths and deal with them).  Have Mac and Luke find out about what’s going on with Maxie & Lucky – and deal with *that*!  Let Nik be a brother to Lucky and explain to him the pitfalls of dock kissing.  Have Sonny stumble into the bar, hair mussed and in his track suit, confessing all his sins in front of Robert and Mac – now THAT would open up some possible storylines! 

But most of all.  Stop revolving the show around Sonny and Carly and Jason.  Stop trying to convince us all that they are the heroes, and the cops are the bad guys.  Stop integrating them with other cast members by having them be mean and ugly and self-righteous hypocrites, because honestly, we don’t love it.  We’re tired of it.  The Mob has run it course.  And so has this singular storyline.  Give us real cast integration.  And do it quick, because Stephen Nichols is back on Days as Patch with Kayla, and they just hired Hogan Scheffer – and buddy – I’m fixin to bail on this show.

Class dismissed.