I wasn’t always an ABC soap-junkie. My mom used to watch Days when I was little, and when I was lucky, I got to watch, too. As a teenager, it was all about Another World and Santa Barbara. How I loved Jake McKinnon. Then, in college, I saw the light. The year was 1992. I turned on the TV, flipped through the channels, and caught a glimpse of Antonio Sabato, Jr. Shirtless. I was hooked.

That was a long time ago, though. Back before the canonization of Sonny…back when he was a skeevy, drug-pushing strip-club owner. Back when Luke was Bill and Kevin was Ryan. Back when Sigmund the Duck was on contract.

I don’t like what’s happened to the show. It has become dark and dreary and heavy. Even the classic “It’s MY house” “I GAVE it to you” Quartermaine quarrel has lost its luster. There’s no color in the show, not in the characters, not in the sets or costumes, certainly not in the storylines. It’s just not fun anymore. Sure, I can always count on Luke, Tracy, and Big Alice to bring life and light wherever they go, but those precious moments are few and very far between.

 Lately, though, I’ve seen a glimmer of hope, a glimpse of former greatness. First of all, TIIC brought back Robert Scorpio. I was too busy drooling over Lane Davies’ Mason to see Tristan Rogers’ original go-round in the Chuckles, but I’d always enjoyed him in flashbacks and Robin’s dreams, so I was looking forward to the BIG RETURN. I was not disappointed. The guy is good. He and Tony Geary are positively delicious to watch.

Secondly, very smart move casting Laura Wright as Carly. I was never a big Carly fan…in any of her incarnations. I just never liked the character. ‘Til now. You know what won me over? That snark-fest between she and Robin at the restaurant. It was a thing of beauty. Laura Wright’s Carly was funny, catty, and confident. Pure Spencer. I don’t think Sarah Brown would or could have played it that way…I know Tamara Braun wouldn’t have. For once, I actually enjoyed Carly…and I find that I’m enjoying her more and more. Her apology to Bobbie before Tony’s service was genuinely heartfelt, and the two finally seemed like mother and daughter. Her scenes with Max the other day were absolutely hysterical, and she even makes Jax (somewhat) less revolting.

There’s still a lot to fix. A LOT. But I’ll take what I can get. They may have struck gold with LuLu…the potential (the actress’ and the character’s) is quite promising. I hear John Ingle is coming back as Edward, which is good. He’s my favorite Edward. I love Jed Allen, but he’s just not Edward. He’s C.C. Capwell. Sorry, he just is. There are a few others I’d like to see return to Port Chuck, in actual storylines that do NOT involve Sonny, Jason, Sam, Alexis or Ric.

Lucy comes to mind (we’ll just pretend that vampire crap never happened), so does Sean (we’ll just pretend that Alistair Crane crap never happened). What about Stone? GH could take a cue from AMC and completely disregard the social relevance of a storyline, and rewrite history to serve their lame plot devices. Maybe Stone faked his own death just to get away from that shrill little harpy, Robin. I’d buy that.

Brenda, on the other hand, can stay the hell in Vegas.

I have only one major beef with this show. TPTB should have let the character of Todd Manning go with the departure of Roger Howarth. That’s not to say that Trevor St. John isn’t a talented actor; he is. It’s just that Roger Howarth brought such depth and tragedy to Todd, that St. John’s version is practically light-hearted. Roger’s Todd was the devil; Trevor’s Todd is just devilish. I started watching OLTL during the gang-rape storyline, and Howarth single-handedly sucked me into the show. Todd was broken and damaged, a tortured soul. Even at his most “normal”, he was scary and dangerous. Now? Not so much. 

Also, everyone in Llanview needs to take a tip from David and lighten up. Particularly John McBain. Michael Easton was so funny and human portraying the loopy lieutenant while he was in the hospital. I loved seeing that side of John, and would really like to see it more often. The brotherly banter between John and Michael is equally entertaining and underused. 

And finally, will someone PLEASE tell Cristian to get a haircut? I’m sure there’s a barbershop somewhere on Angel Square. I fear we’re dangerously close to revisiting Ricky Martin’s incessant hair-flipping on GH, and it frightens me. 

I’m still recovering from the horror-show that was JR’s self-inflicted castration. I just…I can’t…what the…WHAT?! I’m just not ready to talk about it. So instead, some random (albeit unoriginal) thoughts: 

1. Somebody smack Krystal. Hard. While you’re at it, smack some sense into Adam.
    

2. Does anyone else think Babe would have been better off with Janet as a mother?
    

3. What a fabulous invention the MUTE button is. It has magical powers. It renders any and all Laverys, well...mute.
    

4. Um, yeah. Tad, circa 1988? Friggin’ hot! Holy hell, I was not prepared for that.
    

5. What is with Di’s weird eye makeup?
    

6. David should visit Port Charles and kick Sonny’s ass. He should then drive to Llanview and kick Antonio’s ass. If he has time, he should give Cristian a haircut.

Finally, writers, read my lips:

Do something, ANYTHING, with David. You’re wasting him.

By Ria