March 26, 2006

Oh my, so many comments, so little time.  It’s been many moons since I’ve written about GH.  Not that I don’t watch anymore, I do.  But the comments that run through my head tend to slide in and slide out before I can find a moment to write them down.  Since I am currently avoiding doing my taxes, I thought I’d dash off a GH column again.  Sure hope I remember how to do this. 

Did anybody count how many days Carly wore the brown housewifey, shirtwaist dress?  I think it was about 34 episodes.  Are they having problems dressing Carly now?  The first day she wore the dress, I thought that she looked like Elizabeth Montgomery in Bewitched and I kept waiting for her twitch her nose.  Seriously, if TPTB ever remake Bewitched, Laura Wright should be the first one up to play Samantha.  When thoughts like that get in my head they stick.   I kept waiting and waiting for Carly to change clothes so I could stop seeing Samantha in my GH.

Go ahead, twitch your nose and see where the balls go.

See any resemblance? 

I am curious as to how other people perceive Carly and Jax as a couple?  When they stood at the bar in the restaurant at Metrocourt and Carly observed Sonny/Emily and Nik/Courtney making each other uncomfortable, I enjoyed them.  Mr. I-sit-upon-my-pedestal-and-look-down-on-those-below and Ms. My-life-counts-more-than-anyone-elses spar well together.  Seeing Jax and Carly as lovebirds a couple weeks after Courtney’s death supposedly devastated them, doesn’t pull me in..  There hasn’t been enough mourning time to believe unquenchable passion between them.  Please.  All I see is Jax as a horndog and Carly revisiting her blow-up-my-life habits.  I’d much rather watch Jax move into the house next to Carly’s while Michael decides to torment him because he doesn’t like Jax becoming Carly’s friend.  In a couple months, I could see a romance but I dislike fast storylines.  It feels like the writers are laughing behind the scenes saying to the audience, “Take that!  And that!  Pie in your face.”  Carly and Jax have disliked each other for too long for me to switch gears in the two weeks since Courtney wore white lipstick and went to the great character vault in the sky.

Jax:  *Kiss, Kiss* I want you Carly.  *Kiss, Smack*
I want you so bad I must fall on the couch and have
my way with you.  *Pant, Kiss* But don’t forget
that Courtney was the love of my life. *Pant, Pant, Kiss*

Carly:  *Kiss, Moan*  I want you too, Jax.  *Pant, Kiss* 
And don’t you dare ask if I’m sure.  *Smack, Kiss, Moan* 
Courtney was my best friend and I’ll honor her and
miss her forever.  *Kiss, Moan, Smack*

Can you understand why Jax and Carly aren’t gelling for me? 

Way to go Sonny!  Way to keep a secret.  “Ewww, iiiccckkkkk, I slept with a mother and daughter AND fathered children with both of them.”  Don’t even get me started on a man’s responsibility to control his own sperm.  OK, so I was ewwing and icking along with Sonny and appreciating that even though he couldn’t see past his own participation in both Alexis and Sam’s lives, at least he was able to address the ick factor.  But it blew me away that his ick wallowing only lasted about 15 minutes.  After ordering Jason to not speak of his mother/daughter philandering and begging Sam to not tell of his double dip in the gene pool, he shared his dark secret with Emily.  Now I know why Jason is so important to Sonny.  Sonny may know that bodies are buried but Jason obviously doesn’t inform him where the bodies are located because Sonny would blab.  Blab to his current lady friend, then run across town and blab in confession.   

And where’s a good lightening bolt when you need one?  Sonny lied to Jason that nothing was going on between Emily and him.  In church.  After confession.  I waited in vain for a lightening bolt to slam down.  I guess both Sonny and Emily have conveniently forgotten one of Super J’s skills is knowing when people are lying. 

Jason thought maybe he could catch the lightening
bolt and deflect it towards Sonny where it rightfully
deserved to hit. 

So Sonny trusts Emily more than Jason now?  Did anyone else gape at Sonny when he made that crazy declaration to Emily a while back?  I wanted to tap Sonny on the forehead to ask if anyone was home.  Seeing Sonny and Emily together creates quite a waffle factor for me.  I can see Emily, after her rape, Nikolas’ infidelity, and the divorce, finding Sonny attractive.  I can buy into it storyline-wise.  Sonny might appear a safe haven as an experienced older man who adores her and surrounds her with protectiveness.  I can’t picture them as a long term couple though.  That being said, my waffling comes in every time Sonny kisses Emily and a picture of young Amber Tamblyn/Emily comes into my head because she knew Sonny back in the Lilly/Brenda days and then I feel like he’s cradle snatching.  Buy into Sonny and Emily, or not, I don’t care, that’s what runs through my head during their romantic scenes.

There is romance… 

And there is cradle snatching….
You decide. 

A fun part of Sonny and Emily’s romance is Max trying desperately to hold onto his job by keeping tabs on Carly and protecting his boss’s love life.  Talk about dedication!  Throwing oneself down the stairs to create a distraction is beyond the call of duty.  Isn’t it fun that Max’s brother Milo is Derk Cheetwood’s brother Drew in real life? 

Personally, I think Jason should back off and leave Sonny and Emily alone.  If Sonny goes into his downward spiral and does his MOB boss whack job routine, of all the women that have pounded on his door trying to help poor, poor misunderstood Sonny, Emily would probably handle his crisis the best.  At least she’d be able to recognize medical signs for his behavior.  Carly tip-toed around it but wouldn’t it be refreshing if Emily said, “Sonny, I think you are bipolar.  You need medication.” 

Want to know how to tell when your guy really, really loves you?  It’s when he reassures you with a straight face that he “will not allow you to shoot Alexis,” (your mother).  Truly, I depend upon my husband to keep me from shooting people all the time.

Sadly, Sam had to return Jason’s gun because
she couldn’t figure out where to stash the holster on her body. 

Nikolas and Maxie must be the new couple.  All the signs are in place.  They are meeting on the General Hospital Singles Roof to discuss life issues.  We’ll know the romance is truly a go when the door to the roof locks, and if it rains, oh yeah, they’re the “it” couple.  Nikolas meets all his hot ladies on the roof of GH. 

I am tired of Sam behaving badly to Alexis.  I understand why she’s horrible to Alexis and I also believe that Alexis deserves about 75% of Sam’s horribleness.  But the fact remains, I am tired of Sam’s bad behavior.  And Ric’s too.  For a smart, funny, good looking attorney, the man’s a doo-doo head.  Alexis defended Manny so well that he dodged all repercussions for causing the trainwreck and creating mayhem for the heck of it.  Sam, understandably, went ballistic.  So what makes Ric think that Jason would listen with an understanding ear when Ric does a freakazoid dance because Manny handed Kristina her doll in front of Kelly’s?  When Jason didn’t agree to off Manny, Ric turned to Sam to convince Jason to off Manny.  Yeah, I know, don’t try to apply logic to a soap, I’ll only get hurt. 

It’s an “I hate you” spitting contest.
“You spilled the drink on purpose.”
“No, you did.” 

Rumor has it that Manny will be the feature death of the next whodunit.  Bummer.  He’s the best bad guy since Faison and I wish he’d stick around.  Robert LaSardo has turned in an excellent performance portraying a bad guy who makes me think.  I wish he could stay around to yank both Sonny and Lorenzo’s chains on a regular basis.  He can’t even come back as his brother like accountant Benny/Bernard because they already killed off Manny’s brother.  I think that Lulu should befriend (not romantically) him because they are both misfits.  They could have adventures that create havoc on the storyline canvas as Manny tries to protect Lulu and Lulu tries to support Manny.  It couldn’t be worse than a made up boyfriend named Elvis for Lulu.

Please, please can we keep him?
We’ll feed him and walk him and talk to him every day. 

My wish is that Alexis would discover that Sam is her daughter but decide not to tell her.  They each would know of their connection but think that the other didn’t.  If Sonny can keep his mouth shut, after many mishaps and almost tells, their eyes could meet across a crowded room and they’d somehow discern that they’re related and the other one knows.  Or maybe in May sweeps, one of them could be in peril and the other could save the endangered one.  Thereby adding some good into the mix of Sam’s “I hate Alexis” chant and Alexis’ confused “why does Sam hate me” nursery rhyme.  They don’t need to be resolved; they only need to be revealed.  Of course, someone will have to take the spark plugs from Sonny’s limo when these scenes occur so he can’t show up and do an I-slept-with-you-both,-I-am-ashamed,-don’t-tell-anyone soliloquy.  Wouldn’t it be funny if GH did a musical montage of the secret being passed through Port Charles? 

It’s weird to me how Diego has swung from macho, not too bright teenager, to sick stalker freak, to misunderstood picked on young excon.  To me, the Diego who went to jail was a completely different character who happened to have the same name as current Diego.  The guy seriously needs a profession or a couple goals because his only purpose at the moment is pining after Georgie to create friction between Dillon and Georgie.  They have enough of that with Tracy and Luke “helping” their marriage. 

Aaaahhh, Luke and Tracey, the most entertaining couple on GH.  Divorce is out of the question.  I thought Tracey and Coleman were great but Tracey and Luke are even better.  Great dialogue, perfect chemistry, they don’t even have to kiss and I am hooked.

Ain’t love grand? 

Cautiously, I am enjoying Dr. Patrick Drake.  He’s a good rake.  Plus, he’s not a pushover so Robin can’t decide right and wrong for him.  After meeting Nurse Epiphany this week, I thought it would be great if she could hang out at the nurse’s station on a regular basis to stick it to Dr. Patrick every once in a while to keep him from becoming too full of himself.  She could stick it to Robin also so that she doesn’t get away with declaring herself the moral compass of Port Charles.  Both Robin and Patrick are supremely arrogant in their own way so they might make a good couple when they finally grow--, I mean, hook up.  You’ll know the hook up is close when they start meeting on the GH singles roof.

Putting doctors in their place is a tough job,
but someone has to do it. 

In case you haven’t heard yet, our guy Greg Vaughan is one of 5 gorgeous men in a contest to be the next hunk to promote I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.  I personally know of a woman whose muffin he’s buttered and she can attest that he is one smooth butter spreader!  You can vote here.  Vote every day from March 20 to May 31^st.  You can even win stuff. 

Wow, I did it.  Wrote an entire column.  I feel light and airy after releasing all those pent up words from my brain.  Cross your fingers for me, I sure would love to write more.  Have fun with your GH this week.  Laugh a little, find a scene you like and sigh over it.  Enjoy.