April 10, 2008 

One Life to Live  

I am so disappointed. Let’s get that out of the way right off the bat. What is it that has me cooling my jets in frustration as pertains to the one show I have had nothing but glowing things to say about for the last six months? Antonio! Now don’t get me wrong, I am completely in love with Kamar de los Reyes. I’d just about PAY MONEY to see this sexy Latino heart throb on "Dancing with the Stars," for instance, but I have not missed him playing Antonio as this brooding, miserable, up tight, joyless, jealous, pathetic SAD SACK.. Why. Why oh why oh my goodness gracious WHY does he have to revert to the petty, annoying, distasteful CHUMP? He is no longer a millionaire. Boo-freaking-hoo.   

Sometimes I lament whether or not TPTB realize that they are insulting the entire working class when they write crap like this. His daughter doesn’t have a trust fund so he has reverted to this MESS of a man? He’s lost his mind because he has to work for a living like 94% of the rest of the world? Gah! I hate what they have done to him. He “suddenly” can’t see Ramsey for what he is? He “suddenly” doesn’t trust Talia? He “suddenly” thinks John is after his woman? Well, guess what? I “suddenly” think he is a flaming JERK. All I can say is he had better be undercover trying to oust Ramsey or I am going to be one unhappy diva. 

Liar, liar, pants on FIRE! How rude of One Life to Live to placate all of us old fuddy duddies who were not interested in watching a child have her first sexual experience on our screens by pulling us in with a BIG FAT LIE. Starr and Cole did so DO IT and now she is pregnant! I do not want to be invested in this storyline. I want to hate it on the principle that they are consciousless heathens to spring this on me this way, but the performances are dragging me in!  

No, I’m not kidding, I am MAD. First of all, wouldn’t it be readily evident if there had been a virgin’s first sexual encounter in that place at that time and are Blair and Todd so freaking retarded they wouldn’t know the little tell-tale sign that would indicate that a “first sexual experience” had taken place? Think about it. Now they are acting like morons and they are treating me like a moron as well. The subject is being widely covered, in fact, at Daytime Confidential they wonder if the story can be told effectively or if it is “in danger of becoming all about Todd like it easily could”.

http://www.daytimeconfidential.com/2008/04/07/one-life-to-live-starrs-pregnancy#comments

Here is where the break with my reality comes, though because (as THEBEST states in their posted reply to that thread) “I totally trust Ron to tell this story right. Whatever the outcome, it will prove to be a good soap.” Wow. That is high praise for Carlivati, coming from a soap fan. It rather gives one hope, don’t you think?

All My Children 

I like Sugar. I think she may be just what Granny-Diva Erica needs to make me care what is up. Erica is such a caricature to me; she ceased being related to any humans I know literally decades ago, so any thing that makes me not want to slip into a coma while she is on is very welcome.  Of course, I feel the need to say that I have seen probably five minutes of the Sugar and Erica show, so I might not be the best judge. Sure they are exploiting every Latino stereotype known to man, but they have to start some where. As funny as that sounds! Is this any worse than the Vegas on "One Life to Live" being introduced as Carlotta being Dorian’s Latino housemaid? Look at it this way, on the predominately white bread ABC soaps no matter how they try to introduce ethicality it is, at first, going to stand out very sharply. Jessie, Angie, Frankie-Quentin and senator Hot-to-trot notwithstanding, these soaps have been so white for so long I’m hoping we can integrate some color into the main stream storylines that will not feel so jarring. Of course, WTH is Erica telling these people about starring on her reality show? Doesn’t she think they will notice when it is all over the news that she is an escaped convict? Oh, wait a minute. It’s the old scam the real bad guy into admitting the duped bad guy was innocent to get out of jail free trick… 

I rather like Annie giving Kendall and Aidan a rough time. She doesn’t believe the lame excuse Kendall gives for Aidan asking her why they feel so guilty while he is in his drunken stupor. Good for her. It’s not bad enough Ryan is apparently researching Annie and their life together to try to lull her into a false sense of security while he revisits his hot stirrings for Kendall. Oh, but wait! Now he can remember Greenlee and Kendal but not Annie? Oy vey! Annie, sign the damn papers. END IT. I beg you. 

Jessie and Angie are still a welcome return to my screen. I enjoy watching them interact. What a giant wreck their romantic night together turned out to be. They soldiered on and even gave some wedding guests a free peek at The Full Monty. Cute scenes! Here is hoping that we have more from them and for them to do from here on out so that we can continue to enjoy them.

General Hospital

Warning, May contain spoiler references. Proceed at your own risk. 

Major Liason heat is being generated by the darling proposal and acceptance going on while Dr. Devil-Devlin shoots Michael in the head. Strange juxtaposition choice, don’t you think? Well, odd until you catch the “all mafia-all the time” theme going on. Johnny’s life “is what it is” after being raised on mob violence as he begins his life in organized crime. While at the exact same time, Jason (who has chosen the hit man profession over his own life and over his own love interests repeatedly in the past) once again dares to step out on faith that he may dare to have a real life to coincide with his homicidal criminal activities. Meanwhile, Sonny’s lifetime in the crime family culminates with his absurd decision to “pretend” the mob side of his life doesn’t count while he focuses on his legitimate cover business in an attempt to dupe his stolen child into a false sense of security and the mind numbing violence rolls on. 

It’s not even sweeps and look at the blood and mayhem. Wow. How did we rate an extra dose of the macabre mobular activity? Huh, just lucky I guess? There is Alexis, her worst fears coming true as one of Sonny’s children is taken down by his ever elongating list of mortal enemies and she assures Kate that she is not wrong to feel relief that (this time) it is not her spouting buckets of blood. THIS TIME it wasn’t Kate, as it wasn’t her, as it wasn’t her child. Dread and helplessness and the sick flavor of that secret relief were clearly evident in Alexis' reaction. 

Too bad JAMES CRAIG was anywhere near that. It might have been spot on perfect but for his mere presence, IMO! Jason and Liz and Robin, Carly and even Patrick, the Za-Crazy’s and Dr. Devil-Devlin’s reactions have been fabulous. I don’t “get” Sonny’s reaction though. Off the meds again, eh Sonny? No, wait a minute that doesn’t even explain it. How many people told him that the coffee business, no matter how legit, is a front for organized crime and as such, no Mickey Mouse arrangement with the Roscoe/Alcazar/Za-crazy of the day can make it safe for anyone? Michael left Kate for dead and went MIA and all he could do was go bat-guano nut face on people who had nothing to do with it. Then he jumps slap off deck into a “let’s be buddies” deal with the same bad guys he was fixated on erroneously as the cause of his last problem and hands them a golden opportunity on a plate to take him down and move him out? It’s over Sonny. You are finished dude and no amount of gratuitous, violent murders, vicious kidnappings, horrendous beatings will get back what your massive ego and arrogance have cost you. 

Could NOT have happened to any one who deserves it more (except JAMES CRAIG). If my heart wasn’t breaking for a mother’s worse nightmare I would end this by saying, "Ha-Ha." However, the performances by most everyone on set prevent me from stepping away from the drama sufficiently to rub this in on my beloved AJ’s account. I credit Laura Write with this because she has made it possible for me to have “thismuch” compassion for Carly who has otherwise, pretty much up until now been a total write off for me since the character trashed out AJ. 

So… apparently we are going to be ushering Michael’s character off screen this week. (By the time this posts this should not be a spoiler so excuse me if I spilled some beans I shouldn’t have, uhm-kay?) Shot to the head and who’s to blame? Sonny gives love A BAD NAME… oh, oops sorry, that Bon Jovi song is stuck in my head now. More freaking mob violence, thanks Guza.  

Instead of beating my head into a wall about why this is happening (TPTB hate us), I’m trying to look to the future. Like if Michael comes back as a young teen, what the hell are they going to do with him? There is no one on screen who is not related to him. (Molly?)  (Crappy writing there folks, write everyone on screen as connected to the omni-potent Sonny. Way to write us into a corner, Einsteins!) So let’s think about it. Who are other core family members who could return to round out the incestuous nature of the show so that there are non related teens, preteens on the show on which to build future story lines?

I'll start with the obvious: Jeff Webber's other family: Steven Lars, mysterious unnamed wife, Sarah. There could be other younger siblings sprung on us OR they have could be parents by now and bring on new blood.

Now, please don't be a spoil sport by ragging about how we need to get more time for our vets and not bring on new guys yada, yada, ok? That’s a GIMME. It is so very true it doesn't bear mentioning at this juncture. Right here, I want to explore where the show can go--historically, using CORE families. There needs to be others for Robin to be interested in, whether she goes there or not. Same for Lulu and Maxie, Spin, Logan, Milo, Gag-me Johnny even, plus Cam, Jake, Mikey, Morgan, Kristina, Spencer and Molly. If the show doesn't write itself in to such a cess pool that it’s canceled, there needs to be some place to go with these people before they all start round robin mattress tag AGAIN. 

The Forums are all over this issue as well. Pxlbarrel, at TV Fan Online suggests: “Jimmy Lee Holt, a true blooded Quartermaine married to Charity Gatlin, has a stepson and there could be other children for all we know. Kids wouldn't even have to be aged.... timing might be just right.” WORD. 

They are not the only Quartermaines out there, though. For all we know Justus may have children! Or Keisha Ward could have Jason or AJ’s child. I like the idea of bringing the Q’s back this way though there are so many dropped families and family members that could be brought back. 

Jessie Brewer's nephew Dusty Walker would be about Laura Webber's age/slightly older. He was played by Shaun Cassidy.

Karen Wexler could have relatives; they would be related to The Baldwins and could be any age. Serena, anyone? Scott has an older sister, BTW, if anyone remembers her? Brooke. She was about 14 years older than he is but that wouldn’t mean much so with ABC almost blatant ageism she may not come back but what about her children and their children? Uncle Scott could find himself the single father of two or three small children and do a Baby Boom/Mr. Mom on us. I’d watch it.

Walk with me down memory lane in honor of the 45^th anniversary of my favorite show. Lucille and Al Weeks: Lucille is Audrey's sister they could have kids from Patrick's age through grandkids any age. She was Amy Vining with an Epiphany edge. Or let’s talk Audrey and Steve: Tom and Simone had Tom Jr who is older than Maxie by a few years. Simone also dated Justus Ward and then left him to go back to Tom so there could be a Quartermaine connection with a child about Georgie's age or any other younger kids or grandkids.

Julia Barrett dated both Ned and AJ at the same time. Don’t talk to me about the waste of a great name like Cooper Barrett for a disposable character instead of his being turned into “the Barrett” relative. Waste.

Amanda Barrington has a granddaughter, Alison, on Port Charles or Lydia Carrington could have a Cassadine or a Quartermaine child. Either one would be a squeal inducing good idea as far as I am concerned. Terry Brock: Bobbie's step daughter--any age could be written. More air time for Bobbie would be ok by me.

Paige Bowen, Emily's birth family: completely unexplored. I know, rather stupid to do so at this point, but WTH? If NL wanted to come back she could have a twin sister raised by a father, even. Those chapters were never even hinted at before (shortsightedness) took Emily off the canvas. Yes, I said it: shortsightedness and no, I’m not pretending I liked Emily now that she’s gone after hating on her from about day “Zander gets creamed for Nik”. Even though I couldn’t stand what became of Emily, she was a Quartermaine and she had more stories to be told about her for that reason ALONE, if for no other.

Anthony, Mikkos and Stavros are dead, but what about Petros, last played by Thaao Penghlis? Jagger Cates divorced Karen.... why couldn't he return with a family? Or they could say he was MIA and the family could come to GH for medical treatment.

The Cerillo's: Quartermaine ties and there were a butt load of them: Carmine, Chuck, Deedee, Francine, Gerald, Geraldine, Gloria, Lois, Louie, Mark, Noreen, Patrick and Vincent. BRING BROOK LYNN BACK! 

What about The Templeton sisters? No way would Demi Moore come back, but she can be recast. Jackie and Laura (who was the "look alike" Laura on GH after Laura went MIA the first time)... If Jackie had gone on to be a HUGE journalist then was returned to the canvas… perhaps after being wounded in covering the war?  She could come to GH for some life saving procedure and a completely unknown family could be with her. She dated Robert Scorpio (Robin could have a brother or sister) and I believe she and Luke had at least a fling. Then there was Laura who dated Blackie Parrish (Maybe that is where Blackie went after prison? He would have been out a decade already and they could have kids Michaels age) and she dated Scott Baldwin.

Hello? Writers!!!! Do some research and let’s get some LEGACY characters or at least their familiar last names back on the show! WHAT good will it do to SORAS the children on the show now if they won't have any unrelated people to date/interact/love? They HAVE TO HAVE those so do YOUR RESEARCH and bring us some one tied to the canvas to build up the historical ties WHY DON'T YOU? Toss us a frigging bone or some thing. Geesh. 

Well, this is some more of what you can catch Luke from www.daytimeconfidential.com,  Karen from www.wubs.com and I discussing on this weeks Daytime Confidential podcast. I hope you will tune in!

The ABC Edition of Daytime Continental’s podcast.