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Santa appreciated my help in forwarding last years lost letters to him, but this year he was stumped for ideas for his favorite Port Charles citizens. I gladly offered my assistance. My suggestions: Lucky Spencer – the dear boy needs a good HMO with a really, really low deductible – like about a quarter. Emily Quartermaine – the Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo book, “He’s Just Not That Into You” – self explanatory.
Diego Alcazar – soap on a rope, think about it. Courtney Matthews Quartermaine Morgan Jacks – a six month cooling off period before she marries yet another member of the GH hottie patrol. Oh, and some condoms. Dr. Lainey Winters - a clue. Lorenzo Alcazar – a Norelco SmartTouch XL shaver. That “it looks bigger when it’s shaved” thing doesn’t really apply to your face, so get after it.
Ric Lansing – first off, he needs Santa to requisition a “K” for his first name – besides that I think he should find lots and lots of jeans under his tree. Yep, lots and lots of jeaners. Rrrowl.
Carly Corinthos-Alcazar - her old hair back, oh yeah – and Emily can lend her the book when she’s done with it.
Dr. Patrick Drake – a gift certificate to Condomania. And a sense of humor. Tracy Quartermaine – a night in the sack with Coleman.
Skye Quartermaine – See above. Liz Spencer – a day off to go to school again so she can become a scrub nurse overnight like Bobbie did. Brook Lynn Ashton – to relocate to Genoa City. As my homey Dianna put it, “She got drugged, stripped, photographed and plastered on the ‘net and STILL couldn’t get a story!” Georgie, Maxie, Dillon and the rest of the Scrappy Doo gang get autographed copies of “Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul”. Maxie gets hers as a book on tape since I’m not sure whether or not she can read.
The Jason gets leather jammies for all those pesky hospital stays – hell, better throw in an extra pair for Lucky too. Now for my wish list! A story for Bobbie – I don’t care if they have to bring back Dr. Noah Drake, have her son Lucas come out of the closet AND have her daughter have a nervous breakdown and get locked away from her kids --- just give her a story!! I want a Nurses Ball in 2006 I want Elton to come back to town to help Carly run Metro Court I want Lucy to come back and she and OldFelecia start up the Outback again I want Jason without his shirt on – just once
I want less Courtney and Emily and more Dillon and Luke I want Alan to have the same operation Manny just had, only they take out the part of his brain that makes him a cranky asshat. I want Alexis to get on some hormones so she can deal
I want Lucky and Liz to win the Lotto Two Daytime Emmys – one for Steve Burton and one for Rick Hearst One ticket to the Daytime Emmys so I can celebrate with the boys! A rich fantasy life… oh wait, nevermind!
I crack myself up. |
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