Can we talk about the Carey-Chandelier women? ( Or as I prefer to call them “The Axis of Evil.”)  This mother-daughter tag-team of infidelity and de-ballification never learn, do they?  Then again, why should they when TPTB are busy pimping them up to be the heroine-victims of Pine Valley’s evil father-son duo: Adam I and II.  It won’t be long before JamAce III (I REFUSE to call that boy Lil A.”)  is harassing and threatening little Mira-Bess Montgomery, as he follows in the evil footsteps of his father and grandfather.

Of course, given the writers penchant for making all things Carey “good” and all things Chandler “bad” we may just see a little split-personality storyline coming down the way for little JamAce III as his Carey side battles it out with his Chandler side for control of his soul.  Either that, or they’ll really turn things around and have the "good" Carey genes dominant in him and make Mira-Bess the evil one, bent on destroying poor, innocent widdle JamAce III.  But I digress…. 

Getting back to the stupidity… Haven’t those Carey-Chandelier women learned by now that it’s not SAFE to discuss personal, private, secrets inside the walls of the Chandler manse?  What if Colby were listening in the tunnels again?  Or Adam?   As if those two weren’t bad enough, the Axis of Evil has completely infiltrated other denizens in the Valley of the Pines.  Bianca, for one, has never completely gotten over her rose-colored view of Babe.  I get that she’s pissed at JR for the things he has done, and rightly so but, to blame him completely for events that Babe and Dixie have set into motion?  No, no, no, NO Binks!   Babe is every bit the selfish little child she FINALLY admitted to being and, just when Kendall is FINALLY about to be rid of her (from FUSION anyway) the Axis of Evil weaves it’s spell over our favorite resident bitch and she give Babe a reprieve…Worse still, Bianca was actually PROUD of her sister for succumbing to the Axis of Evil!!

We were SO close!  Now, onto the brothers Lavery.  I know, I know, I picked on them last week, but HEY!  They’re asking for it!  Where to begin…? Jackson?  I know Jackson has been a putz in the past, but his misgivings regarding the Lavery’s are not groundless.  Not by any means.  And Ryan, who seems to have forgotten that his own shit DOES stink, is once again up in Jack’s face declaring him to be scum for representing Tad and Dixie in their quest to find the truth about Emma and then demands that he FIX the mess he made of Annie’s life.

Ryan must be expecting some phenomenal nookie from Annie, and soon, for him to be going all caveman on everyone in her behalf.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I was as torn up to see that beautiful little girl practically ripped out of Annie’s arms as the next person… Not so much for Annie as I was for the child, who is the ONLY completely innocent party in the whole twisted mess. That was truly awful.  But, Ryan isn’t even entertaining the notion - not even for a few seconds - that maybe, just MAYBE Annie isn’t really Emma’s mother after all.  He’s known her for all of five minutes, yet he KNOWS beyond a shadow of a doubt that Annie is telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?  He won’t even entertain the notion that maybe Madden DID switch her baby for another and Annie doesn’t know it?  I would LOVE to see that test come back proving that Annie is not a Chimera and then watch Ryan have to do some serious backpedaling. 

Jonathug wouldn’t have to backpedal, of course.  He’s already proclaimed that he doesn’t care WHO is Emma’s biological parent(s) because “Annie is the perfect mother.”  He’s known her for even less time that Ryan, but he KNOWS Annie is the perfect mother.  Yeah.  Okay.  Sure.  I know that when I look around for the perfect ideal of motherhood I always look for the ones who allow their child(ren) to live in the same home as an angry, murdering psychopath and the woman (Erin) who shielded him from justice.  Speaking of Jonathug and justice, when did he decide that the “system” doesn’t work?  Was that before or after he got away with three murders and varying numbers and counts of assault?  You’d think he’d have no problem with the “system” after that.  I guess it’s no stretch then that he’d think kidnapping Emma from foster care is no big deal.

Granted, Marty Saybrooke has been off the show for a while now, but it doesn’t mean that loyal viewers, such as myself, have forgotten the horrifying and powerful ordeal she suffered through as the victim of a gang rape.  We know that Todd Manning was one of the perpetrators of that horrendous crime and (leaving that aside for now) we know the tortured history between those two characters.  We know that Marty never became pregnant following that rape, she was on canvas and front-burner during all that time, so could not have hidden a pregnancy nor snuck away to have the baby in secret.  So much for the speculation that young Cole Thornheart is actually Todd’s son. 

>squicks out a little< 

We also know that the incomparable Starr Manning was born well BEFORE Marty left town (with the presumed dead Patrick Thornheart).  In fact, if I recall correctly, Marty actually helped deliver Starr, or she was there when Blair went into early labor.  Something like that.  Anyway, these are the things we know to be true, in fact, they are canon.  So why are we supposed to believe that Cole Thornhart is actually a year OLDER than Starr Manning? Granted, we don’t yet know whether Cole is supposed to be their biological son or adopted son, but so far they’re sure making it out to look like he’s their bio-son.  Stupid.  Stupid. Stupid.  Note to the writers: It’s in the details, folks.  The details do matter. 

Finally, to GH…

The return of Laura Spencer has long been anticipated and, once confirmed, hyped to within an inch of its very life.  So far, the hype hasn’t fully lived up to its claims.  There have been moments, to be sure, but not enough of them.  Genie Francis has been pure gold, that’s for sure.  Like Tony Geary, she elevates the bar for her fellow actors, young and old, to follow. Problem is, for all the hype, we have seen precious little of the woman on screen!  Worse yet, they have failed to put her in scenes with some key people from her past.  Where were the scenes of Laura reconnecting with Robert Scorpio?  Why didn’t we get any tidbits of Laura visiting Alexis for a few minutes while she was at the hospital that day?  (In my opinion they missed a golden opportunity there!) 

And, judging by the looks Laura was throwing Dirty Maxie’s way at the wedding, we definitely need to see Laura share a few moments with the skank who is determined to sink her claws into Lucky.  I’d love to see Laura hit that girl with a clue-by-four!  Also, about that wedding… TPTB couldn’t give one whole episode to the story they have been pimping since the day they knew they had Genie Francis signed on?  We have to be subjected to Sopranos-Lite taking up (at least) half of an episode that should have been solely dedicated to Luke & Laura redux??!!  Why?  Why couldn’t the whole episode focus on Laura, her family, and her friends?  It was a day for celebrations, for love, and for connecting & reconnecting, but instead we get the mob story and that ridiculous Spinelli character interspersed with scenes from the wedding.  Shame, shame on TPTB!  Based on how they’ve handled Laura’s return so far, I fear that we will never see any of the things we REALLY want to see come to pass before Laura once again succumbs to the darkness and slips away. 

Speaking of that, whose stupid idea was it to have THAT happen?  They couldn’t think of another way to have Laura exit the canvass and still have a way to come back someday?  How AWFUL for them to do this to her again!  Shame on TPTB for copping out like this. 

Belly up to the bar, folks.  My temper may be hot, but the drinks are cold!