July 16, 2008

Perhaps my problem last week was that I watched One Life to Live and then I watched General Hospital? This week I decided to watch each show one at a time so that the comparisons to each other would be minimized. I know that here at Eye On Soaps we try very hard to be positive and that last week, as pertains to General Hospital; I really channeled my inner Tyra Banks. I hope I didn’t upset anyone too much with laying it on the line like that but when comparing the ABC shows it was so obvious, so blatant, so undeniable that General Hospital is now the low show on the totem pole. In terms of writing and dialog I definitely found it lacking when compared to One Life to Live and even All My Children! 

First off let me just say that whoever is dressing Kristen Storms as Maxie Jones is brilliant. She is gorgeous. Her hair and clothes and makeup are spot on perfect for her role as the fashionista’s assistant. I believe that she is the best dressed woman on the show, followed by Diane Miller who rocks those business suits. Kate herself does not show half as much class, taste or fashion sense in her clothing which looks as if she is dressing in the dark, putting on some 90 year old woman’s cast off’s and trying to make them hip and funky by nipping, tucking, pinning and garishly accessorizing. Egad, woman; lose the huge bows and pins and sashes already; you look like a train wreck! 

Gee, maybe if they had done this Logan story LAST YEAR as soon as he woke up from his wrench trauma head wound it would have made sense but there it is: hanging out in left field: alone… and clearly lacking. So let’s get this straight why don’t we? After a year in which he barely glanced her way Logan Hayes nee Baldwin wakes up one morning crazy with lust and unrequited love for Lulu and BAM! Just like that he becomes an axe wielding maniac. I’m not saying I don’t believe he’s capable of knocking Maxie around or roughing up Lulu or any other woman as his character has had a history of violence against women since he showed up in Port Charles all I’m saying is that this story should have been fore shadowed. It could have been gently building to this point... but it hasn’t been. It just has not been building at all they have thrown it at us out of the blue and it stinks! 

Besides the aforementioned lack of set up or ground work for us to care we are once again confronted with the complete lack of fore sight in killing off a legacy characters son. Not that I was all that thrilled with Logan being Scott’s because from the minute he came to town he was clearly a bad guy and as such was never going to be any kind of a hero for me but he might have been redeemed. He might have fleshed out an interesting group of second generations Port Charlesian’s who could keep us all coming back for more well into he next decade. But no, He is dead along with all the promise that a core family member could have had… SHOULD have had.  

Jason has Carly clearly figured out. She is going to force Sonny to bust her out to Jax so Jax leaves her and the way is clear for her sickening psychotic relationship with Sonny to continue. Oh so she is going after Kate NOW that she saw the (silly) picture? As if she weren’t going to do the same thing before that point? Every time this show makes any strides toward the character of Carly having some growth and becoming some one I can TOLERATE they panic, pull out way early and we end up allowing her to revert to this crazed, idiot, snatch-a-loup. I’m sorry they put her with Jax and used Jax to make yet another unpalatable woman acceptable. The first time was when they took that silly rabbit Courtney cotton-tail, paired her with Jax and got the fans (who hated her almost unilaterally up to that point) to soften up to her. It worked so well they pulled it off a second time. Now we get to watch that snatch destroy another man. Yay; NOT! As if Tony and AJ weren’t enough! 

So, they have decided to go with serial regurgitation of storyline. Again. WTF? Did California OUTLAW originality? Lulu loosing her marbles over killing a man and her man of choice can’t save her. Guess what? I don’t care! Let the stupid, pathetic little snatch ROT in her rocker for all I care…. Okay, mmm-kay… taking deep breathes and trying to stop this from becoming a bash TPTB free for all….  

You have no doubt read the (GREAT) news that Genie Francis will be BRIEFLY reprising her role as Laura, Lulu’s wig-in-a-chair catatonic mom. I have a ton of emails asking how excited am I? Well that’s NOT an easy answer. First off; I would crawl through broken glass, buck naked at high noon in the Mohave desert to see Genie Francis act her way out of a paper bag or anything else. I am BEYOND thrilled to see her back on General Hospital under any circumstances EXCEPT those that would kill off Laura or Luke Spencer (and no, rumor mill, I have NOT heard that might be why she is returning to usher TG off the show so STUFF that tired old, run in to the ground rumor where the sun don’t shine). I am particularly excited by this return because the assclowns at General Hospital were so freaking mean to her (allegedly) about her gaining weight (as if being a “normal” beautiful size like she was in her last return is such a freaking crime anyway?) and this time they will be seeing the svelte, hot, leaner version of her beauteous self. (Oh what I wouldn’t give to see her dressed up in full Lucy Coe hotness!) 

However (and you knew this was coming didn’t you my lovelies?) Will it take the complete ruination of GH and its subsequent cancellation before the stubborn egos in charge will STOP RELYING ON SWEEPS STUNTS to sustain the show and actually, like FOR REAL, begin to write the show for quality content instead? It’s like they show up for work and toss ideas into a hat and pull them out one by one and are committed to putting whatever choice was picked out on our screens. “Kill Scott’s son” was a brilliant (not) one now “Bring Laura back for a dream chat with her mental midget daughter” seems to be on the agenda. Heavy sigh!! No, I don’t have a spoiler that that is what will happen but Laura is not going to wake up, talk SPEWLu out of a breakdown and then conveniently slip back into the vegetable bin. It will have to be a dream sequence. As such, this STUNT return does not garner much excitement from me. I love that GF is returning for anything no matter how short or long, but the plot contrivance is old, lame and dare I repeat myself: UNORIGINAL. 

I have an idea, and I’ve mentioned this once or twice before; but why doesn’t General Hospital write a solid day to day drama that will hold the fans interests year round instead of (apparently) focusing all their creative attention on 4 weeks a year and allowing the other 48 weeks to be filled with redundant content and (I am sorry, really, but it is true) sub standard writing?  

All My Children is apparently deciding to follow One Life to Live’s example and are digging down deep and coming up with some new material or at least with less regurgitated way of telling it. In fact; the last few weeks of All My Children have shown a marked improvement over content and dialog and that is saying SO MUCH because All My Children has been so bad for so long that I never actually expected it to bounce back. Seriously, this improvement couldn’t have shocked me any more than it has. Carmen at the Chandler mansion is a spark of originality. I am so pleased they didn’t rush that too much. I’m really enjoying it now that they let it mellow before they sprang it on us. Same goes for senator Hottie and Erica sparking up some chemistry. Meow.   

It wouldn’t have been my first choice to have Colby, Cass and Dre think they had killed Ritchie but the Poor Little Rich Kid Club has done a good job with it thus far. At least, at their ages and under these circumstances we can see how they might think they could get by with it. The same can’t be said for the closing in on Thirty-some-things Fusion “fems” who all should be old enough to know that there are some things that one can not keep under wraps. I don’t like Ryan but at this point I don’t want Annie to trick him into fatherhood. I don’t want Annie to get by with that. She is now a “bad guy” character to me and as such her only function is to wreak havoc until caught by the “good guys” and run out of town, killed off or otherwise dismissed like all great villain characters of yester year. She will likely be made the star of the show and have everyone re-written to kiss her ass no matter what heinous crimes she commits instead though. Oh wait, this isn’t General Hospital so maybe we stand a chance? 

Still loving the Hubbard’s although I’m thinking Angie could get on my last nerve with her incessant whining. All My Children has a grand old tradition of writing fun, colorful, compelling prostitute stories so maybe Frankie-Quentin and his hooker have some potential. I hope so. It’s been a long time since Tuttle ran the roads in Pine Valley and he was a really interesting, faceted, white trash character. With the improvements I’ve noticed on All My Children at least right now I can hope for good things to come.  

I don’t know how to feel really about Adam/KWAK/Tad. I’m intrigued; I really am. I mean, I hate (loathe, detest, abhor, despise) when soap women forgive men for things that NO ONE COULD EVER forgive in real life such as what Adam did to baby Jenny (Todd did to Jack on One Life to Live, etc) but they can bring the heat for their ages and I do so love to see that kind of romantic diversity. Not that I find infidelity romantic but temptation… ah now temptation can be very, very hot. Just ask Damien Smith and Bobbie Jones from General Hospital! 

Finally, speaking of good things we get to One Life to Live. I still have four episodes to watch to catch up but I don’t want to put off writing this any longer. My columns are becoming too infrequent in my opinion (I went back to work to afford my expensive hobby in my real life and am having a hard time juggling 15 hours of daytime TV a week. Who knew?) As I sit down to write Nora is gloating big time as the cops haul Lindsey off to jail for killing Spencer Truman and guess what? I still don’t care that he is dead or who did it or why. This is exactly what I said a few columns back about not getting excited about Bo and Lindsey. It was so obvious. Now if this would put an end to Clint and Nora as well I would be happy. As you know, I just don’t like Nora anymore. She is a condescending nag and I am tired of her. 

I’m not tired of Gigi and its good to see her back in uniform and wielding that coffee pot. Gigi is in an interesting position. Rex chose to continue his ceremony to marry Bitchy Bangs Adrianna after Gigi halted the ceremony to say she was in love with him. That has got to hurt. Now he’s “free” (some what) but she has Brody Lovette fulfilling all her fantasies as the father to her beloved son and we can see how attractive it would be for her to just relax and let go and have the family she always dreamed of except with Brody instead of Rex. Clearly Rex thinks that they have a chance of sparking it up and making a real family or he wouldn’t have walked away from her door. Of course the deciding factor is still unknown to Rex; that he is Shane’s bio-daddy. I love it! 

Yes, Viki, that’s right; see the signs that some thing is not what it seems with Jess-who-is-Tess. This is not your first rodeo, cowgirl, so pony up and smell the DID. Tess’s contempt of all things mundane is bound to cause her to stumble up. Too bad Antonio and Christian are locked away and Mendora because I think Tonio would be the logical one to bust Tess out, don’t you? Speaking of Antonio, OH MY GOODNESS! Talia is Carlo Hesser’s daughter. Thud. My brain just fell out on the floor. KUDOS, KUDOS, KUDOS! I’m actually experiencing an increased heart rate at the news. Now THIS should be really interesting! I also love David Vicker’s the man marrying Addie and Addie being sane enough not to even CARE that he is playing her but just going along for the ride to see where it lands her. I envision her getting up every morning, tired and satiated and marking one more thing off her TO DO list. Good for Addie! She spent most of her adult life as crazy as a shithouse rat so I hope she is having a blast!!  

Sure David will drop her if Dorian caves but I almost wish he wouldn’t. How sweet and challenging would it be to pen them as actually falling in love? Would that be the redemption of David Vickers? More likely Dorian will find out he is the real Buchanan heir and get back with him in order to further her plot to ruin the Buchanan’s but I have to admire her style. I love the fifties style suits and hats she wears. So classy and classic!  

More Langston and Marrko, please! Interesting dynamic: Langston and Gigi talking at the diner with what Gigi knows about Dorian and Langston seeing such a different side to her. How about Cole finding the gonads to go tell Todd about the baby? I did not see that coming. Now that’s good soap right there and I don’t care who you are. The jury is still out for me on Todd and Marty. He is so warped, so very, very sadly compromised that I hate him: yes; and I’m not surprised he would hide Marty from her son just to get back at John: even though his version of John and Blair is not true. My mouth dropped open at his retelling of why he is divorcing Blair. I was just stunned. The man is insane, more insane than I thought to be able to rewrite history like that in his head. The same insanity I guess that made it impossible to see that Starr might be sexually active and made him twist that into the version of things the way he would have done them… i.e.; he would have raped Starr if he had been Cole that’s why that’s the only thing he can think of the events unfolding. I know it’s repeating what I already said but he is psychologically raping Marty now and it is as disturbing as it was when he instigated her gang rape in college. Sick, but fascinating. The One Life to Live writers are definitely pushing the envelope of taste on this one! 

Well, I’m running long. So I’m going to go. Please look for me as always on Daytime Confidential <dot>com, ABC Edition and watch for special podcasts about One Life to Live’s 40^th anniversary and “how to save” your soap as well. You can find me also at Myspace www.myspace.com/dangerous_musings and I’m normally posting soap wise at the TV Fan online forums. Write me! Peace.

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