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Feb 11, 2007 Hey, party people... yes indeed, you are witnessing the resurrection of the Fashion Police. If you've never read my highbrow, couture influenced (bwhaha - as I type in track pants and a three year old sweatshirt) observations before, please allow me to introduce myself and this column. I'm Dayna and I've been (not) writing for Eye on Soaps for several years. I've always had the best of intentions about my commitment to writing and giving you, the faithful EOS audience, a guide to the fashion of General Hospital. I mean without me, you could be innocently considering a wardrobe change inspired by Sam McCall, am I right? A series of cataclysmic events in my own life (not really...I'm just dramatic that way) has prevented me from answering my call to serve the fashion challenged citizens of Port Charles for far too long and I am proud to announce that I am back in the saddle again and ready to sharpen my claws on Carly's sweater. First, someone should remind me to set my DVR to record General Hospital. Ahem. Should I confess here that I really haven't been watching the show at all? I shouldn't. I should tell you that I know exactly what is going on, that I'm a well-informed journalist with the utmost integrity and I'm sitting here with an issue of Vogue, comparing the latest trends against Elizabeth's scrubs. I'd totally be lying - I go back and forth on watching as much as Sonny and Carly go back and forth on being married. And good grief, are they seriously together again? Seriously? It's a fake marriage so she doesn't have to testify against him but he's really head over heels in love with her and intends to romance her back to their happy little existence at Castle Greystoke, right? That little piece of bliss should last until he's had her for about a month and then she'll think he lied about something, hasn't changed at all and blah de blah blah. See, I don't even have to be well-informed to write this column!! But I am re-investing in the show and so I watched this week's events unfold with fairly rapt attention. I honestly didn't even consider the timing and was surprised to realize it's Sweeps Week. General Hospital never fails to deliver on eye-rolling moments of grandeur for Sweeps - hostages, Robin's life hanging in the balance, Alan's life too, and OMG, they're holding Elizabeth at gunpoint?! That part actually did freak me out a little, I admit. And what's with that darn Rebecca Herbst and her ability to age like a man? I have an entire thesis on the overall unfairness of the fact that so many men improve with age and become distinguished while women typically attain some certain level of loveliness round about age 20 and it's all downhill after that. I don't really believe that about women...it's an observation of society's acceptance of the fairer sex - the movie roles that women get, etc. The Hugh Grant/Drew Barrymore pairing of things. I mean, wasn't Lindsay Lohan available for that movie? Drew is 31, for pete's sake. 50 year old Hugh has standards. Oh, but I'm off on a tangent. Rebecca Herbst has gained only loveliness over the years and should count herself as a really genetically blessed individual. I noticed that Kelly Monaco, who is surely still pretty young in the scheme of things, doesn't necessairly count those same blessings - is girlfriend looking a little rough or what? At first it was hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that we're enduring a Cataclysmic Event without Sam McCall's usually present guests on hands. Who gave her a button down and a black jacket? Was that outfit meant for Sonny? SCOTT BALDWIN?! Who knew? I guess I would have if I'd been reading any spoilers, huh? Well, yay, anyway. I love Scotty! It's amazing to see that Tracey is still on and I'm thinking that Jane Elliott is a vampire because she hasn't aged a minute. Maybe she's a man? Still loving Dillon forever and ever, but he gets the stink-eye for a couple of his uncharacteristic misdeeds. Not that I think he needs to be chained to Georgie's fairly sanctimonious side forever but did they really have to go there with the Lulu thing? I didn't so much mind the pregnancy/abortion angle (hey, it's an issue...) but the whole living in the same house as step-sibling thing and then going for the gold was a little icky for me to digest. Flowers in the Quartermaine attic. I realize that Maxie is wholly unlikable and that she did terrible, terrible things to Holy Elizabeth and the Luckster, but she sure is cute. And she dresses cute, like a slutty little college kid, which she is and well, it makes sense and that's a rare thing on GH so I'm going to give Maxie with the drugstore highlights a thumbs-up. She is the family disaster, like she explained but I get the feeling that the writers don't give much credence to exactly how much they could capitalize on that relationship, in contrast to Georgie and Robin. Of course, that would force them to involve Mac in a story beyond standing outside Cataclysmic Events so we probably won't see a lot of fleshing out, but it was a good thought. It's interesting to see that Ric still has a soft spot for Elizabeth. I realize also that he has done many an unholy thing and is pretty far beyond redemption, but remember that I haven't been watching much lately and so I can still kinda like him when he's taking control of Cataclysmic Event communications and trying to negotiate Elizabeth's release. And he's all kinds of hot in his fancy gold tie, rrowl. Hey, there's something that hasn't changed. I still hate Emily, her bleak little dresses and the constipated look on her face. Ew, and she's back with Nikolas? That's a little like stale bread, isn't it? How does Nikolas feel about being the stale bread around her Sonny lovin' sandwich? Ick, ick, ick. It's obvious that she needs to just be weeded out like they finally did with Courtney. Like, you have finally made the rounds enough times to just die from your own ick factor. Next up, Sam McCall. I'll be back next week with more to report from the trenches. Will Sonny be killed? Will someone explain Spinelli? Can he borrow Rebecca Herbst's eye cream? This, and more in the next edition. It's great to be back, y'all.
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