“You can both go to hell.”

                                                  Annie Novack McDermott Lavery

 

Oh Annie, Annie, Annie, that was music to my ears. What else was a humiliated woman to say? She felt stupid and foolish. Once again, the “cool kids” managed to make her feel like an outsider in her own life. Ryan had good intentions, I will grant him that. Considering his Lavery limitations, Ryan is doing his best. After all, he has not accused Annie of lacking a soul (yet). However, Ryan did make a horrendous mistake when he shared the truth about his faux memories with Greenlee. Greenlee was the worst possible choice. Ryan sharing that truth with Richie would have been less damaging. Learning the truth from Richie would have been painful but at least Annie would not have been humiliated in front of her peers. Ryan sharing an intimate emotional truth with Greenlee proves that amnesia does not raise one’s IQ.

                    “You get pulled from a bomb shelter and they treat

                    you like a flippin’ saint. You were a bitch and you still

                    are.”

Oh, Annie, Annie, Annie, I could not have said it better myself. I loved when Annie did not stop there but when on to point out exactly how much of a bitch and kidnapper Greenlee is. Of course, Greenlee acted like Annie was the bitch for bringing up her past transgressions. Greenlee is about to find out what happens when a good girl turns bad.

Annie is a good girl. The “good girl” syndrome is one I understand all too well. A good girl goes through life following the rules and trying to do the right thing. She is a good daughter, a good friend, a good employee, a good wife and a good mother. Being a good girl is not synonymous with being a perfect girl. Annie’s past includes perjury and mine includes, well, I am not going to talk about what mine includes. Annie did intend, like a good girl/wife would, to help Ryan regain his memory. She made the mistake of thinking she and Ryan would work together on his problem. In her rush to be “good,” she really did not think the situation through. Like most good girls, Annie believes her past good behavior would count for something and was crushed when it did not. It is not Ryan’s fault, but that does not make it hurt any less. Or make Annie any les s angry.

Good girls get angry but think of anger as something bad. They tamp, shove and push it down until it is bound to explode. Greenlee ruined Annie’s wedding, kidnapped her stepson, and put him in the hospital. Once Ryan and Kendall ridiculously forgave Greens, Annie had to suppress her anger. Suppressed anger is bound to explode; the faux memory reveal coupled with the kiss reveal set it off.

Greenlee erroneously thinks that her apology fixed everything. Greenlee is about to discover that mistaking goodness and kindness for weakness is wrong. 

Oh, Greenlee, Greenlee, Greenlee, why am I having a hard time enjoying you this go round? As I have said before, every soap needs a complicated, interesting bitch. Greenlee is still a bitch, she just is not interesting or complicated.  Greenlee’s bitchiness used to come from an intense core of anger, insecurity, and self-preservation, which is what made her interesting. Even when Greenlee was playing nice, there was always something going on just beneath the surface. Today’s Greenlee is a shallow bitch, which does not make her interesting at all.  Making Greenlee a “flippin’ saint” has not done the character or the show any good. 

The Hubbards’ return has had a positive effect on AMC. (Although, regrettably, it has not had a positive effect on the ratings.)  Their history has not been rewritten to an egregious extent. OK, well there is some confusion about which Martin was Jesse’s best friend. It was most definitely Jenny, not Tad.

The Hubbards are also taking screen time away from the “cool kids” and the Careys. Yes, the Careys are still plaguing Pine Valley, but remember when no matter how much we  FF’d there was no way to escape them? As for the “cool kids,” it is seldom a good idea to have the same characters on every day, saying the same lines while doing the same things. As much as I loved the evil but sexy David Hayward, I would not have wanted to him front and center for what seemed like an eternity. How can we miss characters if they never go away? And. by “never go away,” I mean not seeing them for three or four or five days in a row, not relegating them to the back burner and then to the Martin attic.

Watching Angie and Jesse interact is a delight. Two decades have passed, but the chemistry is still there. Jesse’s chemistry with Adam was wonderful. I hope these two have more screen time together both as comrades and adversaries. Adult Frankie has been a great addition to the cast. Not only does he resemble Jesse, but he, too, can act. Frankie’s relationship with Colby is realistic. After what they went through together it is not surprising that Colby is crushing on him, nor is it surprising that Frankie’s attitude towards her has changed. It will be heartbreaking  but realistic when Colby realizes Frankie is not crushing on her. Now, if Frankie does start returning her feelings, that will be more than inappropriate and no fun to watch at all.

There is fun these days and that’s Erica and Carmen as cons on the run. Is it the most fun I have ever had watching AMC? No, but, hey, these days I will gladly take what I can get. Yes, I wish Carmen was not such a stereotype but she is a good foil for Erica. In addition, this story is light years away from Erica’s last on the run storyline, the Desiree DuBois debacle. The box of unwrapped designer dresses was over-the-top but does not bother me as much as when AMC “attempts” serious medical procedures. This story also gives us the heated exchanges between Jack and Samuel, which make me feel a little heated, myself. I have long said that Erica’s small, quiet moments are Susan Lucci’s best moments. I need to amend that statement. Years ago, David Canary said that it was a shame that both critics and Emmy voters did not recognize Ms. Lucci’s comedic talents. (It was years ago so I am paraphrasing what Mr. Canary said, but I am fairly certain I got the jist of it right.) I agreed with him then and I agree with him now.

What else. What else.

Zach was the perfect person to take Ryan down the real memory lane. While it is understandable that people giving him only a positive review of the past four years, it really wasn’t helping Ryan. (And it was aggravating the hell out of me.) I like the notion that the memory loss was caused by Ryan’s desire to forget his behavior rather than being caused by his overwhelming desire to be with Kendall.

“Mom, I can’t handle this right now.” Kendall really knows how to show Erica support, doesn’t she?

“What? I’m invited to dinner?”   Adam being sardonic about, and not grateful for, the invitation made me smile.

“Visualization is a very powerful thing. It’s worked for me. That’s why even though my children have children, I believe that I am not a grandmother.” Well, that’s what I heard Erica say.

“Sweet smelling Eau de Death.” Was Greens referring to the Fusion label debacle or the odor emanating from AMC’s ratings?

“Fergie. The Black Eyed Peas. She’s now engaged to Leo.” If Carmen had put it that way, maybe Erica would have not started talking about the other Fergie.

 “And then we are going to have another crisis to face.” Sad, but true, since the writers seem intent on keeping Kendall hysterical 24/7.

“Cheese? In a can?” Obviously, Erica has never been invited to a party at Hypocrisy House.

Are the Hubbards now living in Trey’s  Jack’s  Josh’s old apartment  or do all the apartments in that building have the same floor plan? I hope their model came with the special “the number of bedrooms shifts to meet your day-to-day needs” feature.

Speaking of Trey, is he ever getting out of prison?

Speaking of Josh, are we ever going to see him again?

“I make it a point to never get involved in my daughters’ relationships.” I’m surprised Erica’s growing nose didn’t poke Carmen’s eye out.

“Or maybe I’ll make this a night to remember.” Annie then applied Fusion’s latest lip color, Retribution. It’s Carmen’s favorite color, too. Fusion is running a special on it right now. With every purchase of Retribution lip gloss you receive a free bottle of Paybacks Are A Bitch nail polish.

“Draping. It’s draping. It’s a Rami Kashou original.” Well, that’s what I heard Erica say. I bet my fellow Project Runway fans heard her say that, too.

“You and Aidan? As if he would ever sleep with anyone but me.” Greenlee has quite a surprise coming, doesn’t she? Watching Greenlee’s ego crushed is almost worth having Zach being hurt in the process.

 This week we learned why Jimmy Choos are so expensive. They’re self-cleaning, that’s why! Even after all that tromping through the woods, Erica’s shoes were still pristine when she got in the truck.

“Being in the Bureau has got to have perks, right?” That’s right, Uncle Rob. Not only do you get the opportunity to cash in a cache of diamonds, you also get plenty of time to practice origami.

“Not your smartest move, Erica Kane.” Well, Carmen, it wasn’t Erica’s dumbest move, either. For starters there was her affair with Jeff “I never met a plaid I didn’t like” Martin.

 

Will this week’s spoilers make us feel like watching AMC is a smart move or not? Let’s see:

On this week’s episode of Where in the World Are Erica and Carmen:

The truck driver gets quite a surprise when he opens the truck’s back door.

Turns out Erica and Carmen have been playing dress-up with his special truck stop wardrobe.

Erica convinces the driver not to call the police. In exchange, Erica gives him some beauty/fashion advice.

“First of all, horizontal stripes are not your friend. Oh, and shave your legs.”

The two fugitives are locked overnight in a discount store.

Hilarity ensues when Erica discovers cheese-in-a-can comes in more than one flavor.

Carmen and Erica grow closer when they talk about their childhoods. Carmen is surprised to learn that Erica was not always rich and famous.

 True enough, but Erica was born a diva, which helped her become rich and famous.  

Erica manages not only to free herself from the handcuffs but also gets her hands on the gun.

Erica manages to do all that without breaking a nail.

 Erica feels the need to protect Carmen from herself. She decides to help Carmen track down Mando.

Eighty-five percent of the time Erica only thinks about herself, it is this other fifteen percent that keeps her interesting.

Will wonders never cease? PVH actually has a doctor with a functioning brain.

Frankie helps Colby drag JR to the hospital.

Well, they don’t literally “drag” him. It just sounds more dramatic that way.

While examining JR, Angie decides the puncture marks on his hip might be related to why he keeps spiking a fever.

There goes Angie, wasting hospital resources. Joe already determined that the marks meant nothing and that JR was merely hung over. (Why does that man still have a medical license?)

Angie has JR’s diagnosis and it’s not good. He has Hepatitis A.

I wonder how long it will take Tad to blame JR’s viral infection on Adam?

Richie is released from the hospital. Babe volunteers to take him home.  Richie is not happy when Babe takes him to Opal’s home, not hers.

And when Richie is not happy, nobody is happy. Moving along. Will we actually see Opal’s house or will Babe just dump him at the curb?

Richie develops a high fever.

Richie wants everything JR has, doesn’t he? First, it was Babe, now it’s a high fever. Next thing you know, Richie will be want to be an alcoholic, too.

JR is not the only one having a bad week; the “cool kids” are not having much fun, either.

Kendall is angry at the way Zach “introduced” Ryan to his past.

Really, Kendall? I thought it was kind of neat.

Ryan is appalled by his past behavior.

You’re not the only one, buddy.

Ryan wants to make amends with Greenlee, but she is having none of it. Why not? Because Greenlee doesn’t think amends are necessary.

Clearly, Zach needs to run that tape for Greenlee, too.

Aidan proposes to Greenlee. He makes the proposal really special by hiding the ring in a serving of Spotted Dick.

In reality, he simply presents the ring to Greenlee.

Greenlee says she is not ready for marriage and turns down Aidan’s proposal.

I am confused. It was not that long ago that she was having fantasies about a life, including children, with Aidan. Oh, wait, that was the other Greenlee, not the REAL Greenlee. Silly me.

Greenlee turns down Aidan’s proposal because she cannot stop thinking about Ryan.

Care to guess what Fusion eye shadow Greenlee is wearing? Yep, it’s The Grass is Always Greener Green.

A drunken Spotted Dick makes his way over to Annie’s. He and Annie don’t have sex but they do have a very revealing conversation.

“I think I’m going to be written off the show.” “I think I am, too.” During his drunken ramblings, Aidan casually mentions the cabin- in- the- woods sex with Kendall.

At last some real romance!

Jesse and Angie pay a visit to the Justice of Peace who performed their wedding service decades ago. Jesse does not let being dead stand in the way of renewing his vows with Angie.

This makes perfect AMC sense which is one reason I keep watching.