(It’s a short deadline week, so it’s a short column. All for the best possible reason: our webmistress Katrina is taking a long overdue, much deserved vacation.)
 

                    “But Big Rosy told me they never put a fish in there unless you do something really bad, like shiv your cellmate or get caught selling drugs. Yeah, I know. They really talk like that in here.”

                                                                    Carmen

This story is over the top. It makes no sense whatsoever. It is one part All My Children, one part Women In Chains and two parts the late Charles Ludlum’s Ridiculous Theater Company. OK, well, maybe equating this storyline with the Ridiculous Theater Company is a bit much but, still, I am enjoying it.

I have not been this amused since Adam and Krystal’s wedding night. If the marriage had been half as much fun as the wedding night, I would not have  been quite so glad to see it end.

I’ve always thought of AMC as the ABC soap with a sense of humor. Sometimes the writers used humor as a counterpoint to their dramatic stories. Tad and Edmund’s trip to Hungary had a serious purpose but the sight of them in drag was hilarious. Other times, things were funny just for the sake of being funny. The sight of Jackson dressed as a bride, complete with lipstick, still makes me smile. The quick drying plaster accidently mixed into the facemasks at the Glamorama was pretty darn funny, too.

It was impressive how humor was used as an organic part of the stories. It’s not that today’s AMC is completely devoid of humor, it’s that humorous situations seem forced rather than being part of the natural storyline flow.  For some reason, Fusion comes to mind.

But I digress.

Erica’s prison storyline does have its serious side, which is why throwing Carmen into the mix was a good idea. Carmen has a refreshing way of keeping things, including Erica, in perspective.

I’m hoping one day Carmen and Opal get to meet and compare notes on their favorite gal pal.

                   

What else. What else.

“You owe me.” Funny how in Greenlee’s world debts are always about what people owe her, never about what she owes to other people.  What’s not quite so amusing is that those people agree with her.

“I’m still a Frankie-phile.” Just when I thought the Hubbard family could not get any better--it does!

“He’ll always be grieving for her. She’s the Angel and that makes me the Devil.”   Look on the bright side, Adam, Devil’s horns look really good with your red satin pajamas.

“I mean Annie cut her hand.” Ryan’s amnesia must be getting worse; Annie cut her head not her hand.

“Goodbye, Fusion.”   If only Annie’s words were foreshadowing.

“Are you on Zach’s side now?”   Think it would do any good to point out to Greenlee that Zach is Kendall’s husband? Me, either.

“Mom, you’re as subtle as a freight train right now.” Is Angie ever not as subtle as a freight train? For me, that is part of her charm. No, really.

“Erica Kane, the least dangerous prisoner of all.” I suspect Dimitri might have a different opinion about how dangerous Erica can be.

“I know that Dixie was the love of your life.” And Tad knows that Adam is the love of Krystal’s life. That makes the Martin-Carey marriage rather sad, doesn’t it? 

“I’m taking Cassie to the Comeback.” I’m confused, I thought Frankie liked his sister.

“Greenlee is what matters.” I am trying to convince myself that I heard sarcasm in Zach’s voice and not firm belief.

“Lady Bug, Lady Bug, don’t fly away home. If you go, I’ll be all alone.” Well, that’s what I heard Erica singing. In my head.

You’re the Hub-god.”  Cassie, I could not have said it better myself.

Annie is interesting when she has something to do. I just wish that “something”  didn’t involve  playing the victim in order to win Ryan back. Annie’s time would be better spent figuring out that Ryan is not “all that and a bag of clown noses.”

“So, you’re giving your spouse a house.” Like father, like daughter. Erica never really appreciated Jack’s gift, did she? (The house. I mean the house.)

“Not that I am bitter.” I love Amanda. It’s too bad the writers don’t.

Anyone think Kendall should have told Aidan that Zach knows about the five  minute stand?  Isn’t that sort of thing covered in “Modern Etiquette for Adulterers”?

“You should reconsider working for the Dark Side of the Force.” Funny, Zach’s dark side didn’t seem so troublesome when he saved Tad’s ass by confessing to burying Madden, now did it?

Greens: “Why are you trying to get my husband killed?”

Zach: “Because he shagged my wife. End of story.”

Well, that’s how I heard the conversation. In my head.

 

Will this week’s spoilers have us thinking the writers are “all that and a bag of clown noses or not? Let’s see:

 

On this week’s episode of The Ghost and Mr. Chandler:

Dixie promises to torment Adam until he tells Tad about Kate.

Maybe it’s just me, but wouldn’t it be easier if Dixie ghostwrote, “Julia’s daughter Kathy is really our daughter Kate” on Tad’s wall? Then again, Tad never has been very good at reading the writing on the wall, has he?

Adam invites Opal to Casa Chandler. He wants Opal to perform an exorcism.

If only Adam had thought to do that when the Careys first moved in. I cannot wait to see Opal’s exorcism outfit, can you?

Dixie laughs at Adam’s efforts to get rid of her.

Dixie is even more insufferable dead than she was alive.

Adam isn’t the only one with troubles this week:

The lipgloss hits the fan when the pole dancing video shows up as part of the presentation video.

Please don’t make watch that damn demeaning video again. Please.

Annie’s hopes of getting fired are dashed when the customer likes the presentation. The customer offers Fusion an unbelievable business deal.

Hmm, what kind of business would be inspired by a pole dancing video? Will Fusion’s next lipgloss/nail polish duo be called “We’re Not Really An Escort Service” ?

Annie is frustrated that her plan failed.

Will Annie be “a woman scorned” frustrated or a “Janet with a crowbar” frustrated?

Annie’s day gets worse when Richie blackmails her about the ruse to get Ryan back.

What good is having siblings if you cannot blackmail them from time to time?

Annie is not the only Novak who is having a tough week.

Treena, the faux hooker, tries to blackmail Richie.

This is the domino theory in action.

Babe sees Richie and Treena in the park. Richie tells Babe it is an innocent encounter.

This is rather funny considering how many times Babe has pleaded “innocent” in the face of overwhelming evidence.

Babe apologizes to JR for not believing him

May I ff’d through JR telling Babe she was right to not believe? Please?

Meanwhile, over in Darfur:

Ryan and Gillian Zach come up with a plan to rescue Jake from Bosnia Darfur.

Why should they have to do the planning? After all, Spotted Dick has an up-to-date map of the area.

The first part of Aidan’s plan goes well. He is captured by the same people holding Jake.

Something tells me Ryan and Zach’s plan was better than this.

Tad accuses Zach of wanting Aidan dead.

Tad’s hypocrisy is astounding, isn’t it? I’m guessing it’s the biggest thing about him.

Other stuff happens, too.

Uncle Robert starts making origami elephants.

Not really, but he does find Cassandra’s elephant drawing.

Erica continues her crusade to help her fellow inmates.

It used to be easy to dislike Erica. Now? Not so much.

Jesse and Tad find Hazel. Turns out she owns a sleazy bar on the outskirts of town.

Wait a minute, doesn’t Krystal own the Comeback?

 

Oh,those AMC actors.

Congratulations to David Canary for his Best Actor nomination. The Daytime Emmys definitely got this one right. Mr. Canary repeatedly proves that an actor can rise above the material he is given.

Sydney Penny has been let go. Julia will be heading to Australia.

With her goes the last hope that the “Kate reveal” will be “must watch” television.