For the week of February 5, 2006


Janet is setting up Jonathan to take the blame for her recent misdeeds.


Joshua is setting up Amanda to make it appear that she is setting Erica up to be replaced as the host of New Beginnings (did you know Erica has a new show?).


Babe is setting up JR so she can get full custody of Little Adam.


Jamie has been setting up Amanda in order to get the truth out of her.


Palmer and Krystal are constantly setting up Adam in order to gain complete control of Chandler Industries.


Ryan is setting up Kendall for public humiliation when he reveals Zach’s part in the blackout.


I fear that any AMC viewers expecting a great February Sweeps are being set up for a fall by TPTB.


(If you are spoiler free you can continue reading. Nothing spoiler-ish will be discussed until we get to the spoilers section. I promise.)


A compelling Sweeps is preceded by complex storylines involving interesting characters.  A don’t-you-dare-change-the-channel Sweeps contains stories that do not insult the viewers’ intelligence.  Given that all these things are currently in short supply on AMC, should we really expect them to suddenly be present during Sweeps?


The Sweeps could surprise me. I am open to that possibility. I was spoiler-free before I took over this column from Stephanie. Even now I do not read recent spoilers before doing the commentary section. And I make a valiant effort to not read beyond the spoilers for the coming week. So you see I could be surprised by the coming Sweeps. Yeah, right.


You know what would surprise me? If Jack and Lily had the following conversation:


Jack:  Lily, you can no longer spend time with Jonathan Lavery.


Lily: Yes, I can. You are just saying that because it’s our family tradition for you to not like boyfriends.


Jack, looking puzzled: No, Lily, I am saying that because Jonathan has done horrible things and I am worried he may do horrible things again.


Lily: If you would just look into his eyes, you would know he is not bad.


Jack: Lily, I do not have to look into Jonathan’s eyes to see that he is too old for you.


Lily, tearing up: You are just saying that because I have Autism Spectrum Disorder and you don’t think I am smart enough to take care of myself.


Jack, sounding a bit exasperated: Lily I am saying that because you are my daughter and I love you. I am saying that because you are underage and therefore still a child. I am saying that because I am your father, dammit!


Jack needs to be a little more like Adam Chandler when it comes to parenting. During the Mirabess Mess Adam risked provoking JR’s anger by doing the most loving thing he could: telling JR the truth.  Jack walks on eggshells around Lily, which may be easier for them both, but not the most loving thing he could do.


Why all this talk about Lily and Jonathan? I received more than a few emails smacking me down for not liking them together. (By the way, I don’t mind smack downs from my readers, because they are always thoughtful and polite smack downs.) Is there any way I could like a Lily/Jonathan pairing? Yes, there is: If Jonathan was 18 or under, if Jonathan had never killed or beaten anyone and if Jonathan was not a Lavery. Then I would have no problem at all.


I had no problems with Amanda this week, which frankly has me a little scared. It was that scene in the Chandler library that won me over. Not one person there was on her side. She was all alone in that room. They all believed the worst about her but she did not back down.  She defended herself without whining and she kept her wits about her enough to send coded messages to her mother. A few months ago, that scene would not have been believable at all. Chriselle Stause and Amanda have come a long way in the past few months.


On the other hand, I have lots of problems with Amanda’s tormentor Josh. Sometimes not knowing a new character’s backstory makes him interesting. In Josh’s case, it makes him less and less interesting as time goes by.  Isolating Josh has not helped, either.  We really never see him with anyone but Erica, Amanda and Greg, his equally isolated father.  All we really see him do is torment Erica and Amanda in various ways.  Oh, he does do something else. Every other week he reminds Babe not to trust JR.  And really once we have seen that a few times, do we really need to see him do it a thousand more times?  OK, it hasn’t been a thousand times more, it just feels like it. TPTB have been so heavy handed with Josh’s storyline that it is neither captivating nor scary. It just is.


This column is a little bit gloomy isn’t ?  The gloom is undoubtedly caused by the lack of David scenes this week.  I think it’s time for non-sequiturs:



“She should go home and annoy her family.”  Ahh, Zach knows Erica so well and yet he still wants to marry Kendall.


I enjoyed Erica’s jail scene with Jack. When she was telling him that she had not had a drink or taken drugs, Erica was focused, Erica was real, Erica was adult.  Susan Lucci’s best moments as Erica are those quiet, small ones.


“Aidan, your new girlfriend is being disruptive.”  Lily is wrong about Jonathan but she is right about Erin. Her presence disrupts my enjoyment of Spotted Dick. Poor Aidan, another character made dull by over-exposure to a Lavery.


“Well, Di Henry!”  Color me totally confused. Why did Marty call her Di Henry?  Hadn’t she been Di Kirby up until she was exposed as not-Dixie?  Or this one of those Curry/Lavery things that make no sense?


I have to admit that the more I watched Marty, the more I thought, “Is there a third Wahlberg brother?”


“This is Shep.”  Am I the only one that thought Di said, “This is Shemp.” ?  I had sudden visions of Ryan, Jonathan and Ethan as theThree Stooges. I was quite amused there for a moment.


“C’mon don’t be so dramatic.”  After all, Kendall, being a drama queen is your mother’s job.


Livia and Lily were great together. I think Lily should go to work for Livia. Lily’s attention to detail would be a great asset in a law practice. And having an after school job would give her less time for Jonathan.


“You want to get out of jail so you can date Jackson’s daughter?”   Would it really have been violating lawyer/client confidentiality if Livia had let Jack know about Lily’s “boyfiend” I mean “boyfriend”?


“You’re too good for me, Ethan.”  Snap out of it, Simone, you are better than most men deserve. Especially Ethan “I hate my Daddy” Cambias.


How did Erica, Derek, Jack and Josh know Amanda was at the Chandlers? They couldn’t have seen her car outside because she took the bus.


How can Jack know where Amanda is yet have no idea that Lily is hanging out at the jail with Jonathan?


It would have made things so much easier if Erica had said that Babe wasn’t the only one who has seen Janet. Erica saw her, too, in a warehouse.


Janet is crazy, but she has good taste in clothes. Even being in the dirty Chandler tunnels didn’t diminish her sartorial splendor. I loved the grey outfit with the crystal embellishments. Simple, but not casual. Modern but not trendy.  Trevor would have loved her in that outfit, if only he was around to see it….


You twisted rapist punk.”  Isn’t brotherly love a wonderful thing?


I admire Michael Cambias for one thing, his hair. While in the dumpster he got highlights and while in Hell he got a great haircut.


Poor Zach, it was bad enough to see Michael and Cambias-the-Elder but Ryan was in his nightmare, too.


My Ryan loathing has reached the point where I want Kendall to miscarry and I want it to be Ryan’s fault.


Has Jamie gotten contacts? Where are his I-must-be-smart-cause-I’m-wearing-these glasses?


Why wasn’t Donald Steele the reporter covering Erica’s meltdown? It would have been fun to have Donald discover that Josh gave Erica the pills. I could just see Donald practicing his Pulitzer speech.


And where is Val?  I miss him, too.


I was glad Kendall got blood on her dress. Hopefully that means we never have to see it again.  To me it looked like a confirmation dress gone horribly wrong.


“Mommy’s not crazy.” If Amanda had a dollar for every time she’s heard that, she wouldn’t need that stinkin’ job at New Beginnings (did you know that Erica has a new show?).



Will this week’s spoilers have us wishing the writers would just go home to annoy their families instead of annoying us? Let’s see:


It’s the best of times, it’s the worst of times, it’s a big black tie bash in Pine Valley!


The Mardi Gras Gala begins!


I love life in the Valley. It takes me longer to decide where to go for dinner than it took Erica to pull this gala together.


Zach gives Kendall a new engagement ring.


Ahh, Zach is so romantic, duplicitous but romantic.


Ryan gives Kendall proof that Zach caused the blackout.


Weighing the engagement ring against Ryan’s proof, I’d have to go with the engagement ring.


Zach admits he caused the blackout.


I can believe he did that but I cannot believe he didn’t destroy the power grid schematic. Or ship Marty off to Vegas once the job was done.


Zach tells Kendall he did it to protect her.


It’s a fine line between protecting your woman and making a unilateral controlling decision about her life. I am fairly certain Kendall will think Zach crossed that line.


Zach wants to go ahead with their wedding plans, but Kendall rejects him.


It’s Sweeps, what did Zach expect?


Ryan tries to comfort Kendall, but she rejects him, too.


Doesn’t killing the messenger sound like a good idea right about now?


Kendall runs into Ethan and accuses him of seeking revenge against his father.


Why, Kendall, how could you think that? Ethan was only looking out for you. Revenge never ever crossed his mind.


Ryan tells Julia he told Kendall because she deserved to know the truth about Zach.


That’s right Ryan, it was all about Kendall. It had nothing to do with your animosity towards Zach and your desire for revenge. Nothing at all. Sometimes I think Ryan has been smoking his clown noses instead of wearing them.


Jonathan promises Aidan and Erin that he will leave town and not go to the gala. Later he sneaks back into town and goes to the gala with Lily.


Damn that Erin. If Aidan had been looking at Jonathan’s eyes instead of into hers, he would have known Jonathan was lying.


Jonathan and Lily have fun until Jack catches them kissing. Jack is furious.


Well, Jack, I think I am more nauseated than furious.


Jack and Ryan agree on one thing, Jonathan should stay away from Lily.


And the writers should stay away from doing a modern day Romeo & Juliet.  Of course, maybe they won’t be happy until AMC’s ratings are lower than Passions’ ratings.


Janet and Erica find themselves in close quarters. Janet asks Erica to help free Amanda but Erica refuses.


When Erica makes a mistake she makes a really big one.


Even when confronted by Babe, JR and Jamie, Amanda continues to protect Janet.


Amanda is such a loyal daughter. Loyal and just a little bit delusional because she thinks she can fix this for her mother.


Babe plots revenge against JR.


Didn’t she do this last week?


JR thinks he has lost Babe.


Poor fool probably thinks that’s a bad thing.


Greg warns Josh not to hurt Erica.


Doesn’t he do this every week?


And Erica has a bad time at her own Gala:


Jesse informs Erica that he will cancel New Beginnings (did you know Erica has a new show?) unless Josh is her co-host.


This better not happen because I really do not want to start having to type New Beginnings (did you know that Erica and Josh have a new show?).


Jamie and Greg inform Erica that Josh is the one who drugged her.


But how can that be? I thought for sure he had a crush on me, doesn’t everyone?”


Tad informs a skeptical Erica that Josh is her son.


“ But this can’t be true. That would mean ruining a memorable soap story for a really silly plot contrivance. What kind of idiot would insult viewers by doing that?”



There won’t be a column next week because I will be away. We are heading to South Carolina for our nephew Michael’s wedding. It’s not a soap wedding so I am fairly certain no presumed dead spouses will be making an appearance, but it should be fun anyway. My column will be back on February 20th.  Fairly certain it will include an All My Schmattes take on the Gala gowns.


Here’s to another week in the Valley!




Kate's Archives For This Column for 2006

Jan 30, 2006

Jan 23, 2006

Jan 16, 2006

Jan 9, 2006

Jan 2, 2006

Kate's Archives For This Column Through 2005


A Cynic Soaps Up - AMC and OLTL

OLTL Archives For A Cynic Soaps Up

AMC Archives For A Cynic Soaps Up


  Hit Counter