For the Week of March 25, 2008


        Well, slap me naked and call me Mama!”

                                                  Arlene  Vaughan


At the end of Friday’s episode, I shouted Arlene’s infamous words at my television. My joyful shout was not because AMC was over for the week; it was because the final scenes took me pleasantly by surprise. (Not the entire episode, of course, but I will save the nitpicking for later.)

Adam charging through the door, gun blazing, shouting Colby’s name. Colby running towards his voice shouting “Daddy. Daddy.” Colby knew her father would save her. Adam was not going to let anyone stop him from rescuing his little girl. In my mind, I could see Adam shoving Tad aside as he rushed towards his daughter. Yes, his daughter, not Tad’s. Adam proved once again that he would risk anything, be it his fortune or his life, to save his children. Of course, somehow, this will be twisted into proving once again what a terrible father Adam is, but for now, I am enjoying Adam Chandler: Hero Dad.

Those last few moments did not just belong to Adam; they belonged to Colby, too. Colby gets angry with her father. Adam often disappoints her. Yet, Colby never stops loving her father. And, unlike JR, Colby never blames Adam when her life is not perfect.

To give Liza her due, I suspect Colby’s healthy attitude towards her father comes somewhat from Liza not constantly browbeating her with the horridness of Adam. Of course, knowing Liza, I doubt she never said anything bad about him; after all, she stole Colby to keep her “safe” from Adam. Still, I bet when Colby did something wrong, she seldom heard, “Colby, it’s your father’s fault you are doing that. If only Tad been your father. Being a Martin would have saved your soul.”

In addition, Colby is a strong person whose opinions are not easily swayed by others. She comes by that genetically. That is why she treats her father fairly. That is why she can love him unconditionally. Colby does not pretend to hate her father just to make others (Tad) like her. That is why Colby, unlike JR, never gives herself a way out of taking responsibility by saying, “If only you had been my father, Tad. How can I be expected to be an adult with Adam as my father?”

Make no mistake, I still like JR, albeit less than before. However, if Colby had married someone only to discover he had cheated within weeks of marrying her and told her their son was dead in a note, she would not still be panting after him. Or least not until he had crawled through hot broken glass many times over.

Colby had some good moments with Frankie, too. It was interesting watching them work together to save themselves.  Frankie helped Colby through her few meltdown moments. Colby proved to Frankie how tough she was. In those last few moments, Frankie trusted Colby to do her part in the escape plan. True her part only involved making some noise and running for her life, but she did not let Frankie down. Frankie learned Colby was not a spoiled rich girl and Colby learned Frankie was not a total ass. They developed a grudging respect for each other. I like that. What I would not like is having them involved in a romantic relationship. A documentary filmmaker, war veteran intern dating a high school senior would be so wrong. (Which means it could easily happen.)

Leading up to the warehouse scenes were the Adam/Tad/Jesse ones. The conflict between Adam and Jesse was believable. Jesse soon realized that Adam had to be told the truth. Not only that, Jesse realized Adam should know the truth. Tad still seemed flummoxed that Adam  would not back down. Tad should have realized that only on the Planet Crack would Adam believe that Tad was telling the truth. And why should Adam trust Tad implicitly? Tad let Adam and JR believe Miranda was Bess. Tad let them believe Lil’A was dead. And Tad had sex with Adam’s wife. Yep, that is one trustworthy guy.

If their positions had been reversed, Tad would have demanded the same answers from Adam. Of course, Tad would be right in doing that because he is a Martin. Sigh.

Tad has many good qualities. His willingness to do anything to help Jesse proves that.

 Yet, I could not  help enjoying these past two weeks when Adam proved to Tad he is still a force to be reckoned with. Adam has been marginalized for far too long. This story brings more balance to the Adam/Tad relationship and that can only be a good thing for AMC.

These scenes were so great that I am having a difficult time remembering what else happened this week. Almost.

Could the writers please, please develop amnesia about Ryan’s amnesia story? If the writers promise to forget about this story, I promise that I will, too. If only we could wake up tomorrow and forget about Ryan forgetting the past 4 years.

A story that has Kendall and Greenlee “pinky swearing ”| about Ryan is  setting their emotional development back about 15 years. They both have amnesia about their relationships with Ryan, neither went particularly well. What’s next? Passing notes at Fusion saying, “Ryan remembers me more than you.” “Does not.”” Does, too.”

At least Kendall has a good excuse, Spike, for dealing with Ryan. Greenlee’s only reason is her damaged ego because Ryan does not remember their marriage. Frankly, Greenlee, I do not think a kiss is going to do it. Maybe having Ryan slam you against a piece of furniture while screaming “I AM NOT THAT MONSTER” would jog his memory.

Ryan’s amnesia could have been interesting if it were more than an overly contrived plot device to break up a few relationships. Aidan and Kendall’s five minute passionless infidelity was already enough to blow up a few relationships.  Once the secret was revealed, Kendall could have turned to Ryan for support. That would have caused a rift between the Laverys. Greenlee would seize the chance to go after Zach only to find Annie standing in her way. And what about Spotted Dick? He would go off to find another relationship that won’t last. Maybe with Amanda. Maybe with Julia. Aidan likes to rescue women so he could even get busy rescuing Opal from Uncle Rob.

What about Ryan’s amnesia? Sometime down the road, Ryan could wake up remembering only he was a charming grifter. That would work for me.

What else. What else.

“This has everything to do with me and JR. You never thought I was good enough for him.” It was amusing how Babe said this as if Adam was wrong about her not being good enough for JR.

“He’s left me here in panicked ignorance.” The sad thing is that Tad expected Adam to remain at Casa Chandler and be comfortable in a state of panicked ignorance.

 “Why does everybody always have to put up a fight?” Oh, Uncle Rob, you are such a nasty but interesting piece of work.

“Counselor, I need you to tell me everything I need to know about my new residence.”  I didn’t realize amnesia was contagious, did you? What else could explain Erica’s memory lapse about her previous prison stint?

Anyone else get a little, umm, warm when Adam authoritatively told Jesse he knew how to handle a gun?

JR did not wear a mask while visiting Richie. Babe did wear a mask. Health standards at PVH sure are whimsical.

“Great job. Totally convincing.” That may be, Greenlee, but I totally believe you just wanted confirmation that Ryan still didn’t remember Annie.

In spite of the efforts bitch-alize Annie, I still like and understand her. She was exhausted after spending time with Richie rehashing what went wrong with their relationship. It’s no wonder she was too tired to spend the evening with Ryan.

That said, I am somewhat sympathetic towards Ryan. Even when his memory was intact, he was not the most sensitive person; yet, there he was trying to make things right with Annie. Cameron is doing his best to make Ryan seem earnest about making things right with everyone. It’s understandable that  Ryan has no idea about the right way to handle his situation. It is not his fault he cannot check The Idiot’s Guide to Having Amnesia out of the library. It is likely he does not even remember whether or not Pine Valley has a library. (Insert your own Ryan/coloring books/library joke here.)

(A brief pause because I am in shock. I actually spent time defending Ryan. )

“He’s still my dad. I love him and I blow him off and pick other people over him.” Did anyone not tear up and/or applaud when Colby spoke those words?

“You were gone for how many years?|” TWENTY YEARS, Adam. Jesse was gone for TWENTY YEARS. What is your problem, Adam, didn’t you get the memo stating that Jesse had been gone for TWENTY YEARS?

“This is hideously awkward.” The amnesia story itself or watching everyone trying to make it work?

Anyone else find it a little creepy that Uncle Rob held on to Jesse’s badge for 20 years? Isn’t it a little odd that the PVPD didn’t return the badge to Angie? Are we supposed to believe that Jesse wore his badge to the morgue?

Babe stating that Adam was clueless about women achieving great things in business was not so charmingly ignorant. Brooke, Erica, and Liza all had major careers during their marriages to Adam. Not only that, but they achieved their leadership positions through hard work. None of them received partnership stock as a reward for kidnapping.

“You’re my daughter and I love you, but maybe this is not the best department for you to be throwing stones, especially since Erica accepted responsibility when she kidnapped Maddie. On the other hand, when you kidnapped Spike your idea of punishment consisted of everyone being mad at you for approximately 15 minutes.” Well, this is what I heard Jack say. In my head.

Why wasn’t Opal in court supporting Erica?

“Swag" -- "swag" -- what does that stand for? "Sealed with a grope?”  Only when the Careys are using the term.

Uncle Rob has been tracking Jesse for 20 years. Uncle Rob killed Mrs. Remington. Uncle Rob stole Mrs.Remington’s necklace. Uncle Rob set up a creepy Jesse shrine. Uncle Rob kidnapped Colby and Frankie. Uncle Rob rented some really really bright lights and a voice transformer. Uncle Rob expended all this effort and he still doesn’t know what Jesse does or doesn’t know about what he thinks Jesse does or doesn’t know. Maybe Uncle Rob should head on down to the PV Library to check out The Idiot’s Guide to Being a Criminal Mastermind.

“No orderly can pull me out. I’m inside you.” Do not even try to convince me that you were not thinking the same thing I was when JR said that to Richie.


Will this week’s spoilers have us checking out The Viewer’s Guide to Surviving All My Children or not? Let’s see:

This week, the “other stuff that happens” comes first.

Adam’s heart problems force Krystal to admit she has some heart problems of her own.

While I do not love Adam and Krystal together, I do love the idea of her leaving Tad for Adam.

Adam has trouble allowing  Krystal to move out before Lucretia finishes counting the silver.

You caught me. Adam has trouble letting Krystal leave and Krystal has trouble leaving. These two crazy kids refuse to admit they still love each other.

Because he is a masochist, JR doesn’t want Babe to move out of Casa Chandler.

If JR wasn’t a masochist he would still be with Amanda.

Colby is crushing on Frankie.

This can only lead to heartbreak for Colby, but it’s still cute.

Erica’s trip to prison doesn’t go exactly as planned.

It was a dark and stormy night when the prison transport bus goes off the road. The guard is knocked unconscious. Erica’s fellow prisoner/biggest fan Carmen grabs the guards gun. She forces Erica to escape with her.

Being forced to escape doesn’t bother Erica half as much as being forced to leave her skincare products behind.

The two escapees take refuge in an empty barn. They pass the time getting to know each other. Erica and Carmen discover that when it comes to their relationships with men, they are not so different after all.

Let me guess. Just like Erica, Carmen is always right and her men are always wrong.

The two women set off on a journey to find Carmen’s rotten ex-fiancé. On the way, the two women stumble across a box full of dresses! They play dress-up and hilarity ensues.

The truly surprising part? Erica agrees to play dress-up with a box of non-designer frocks.  

Kendall has a nightmare about her mother.

Of course she does. It’s been at least 12 minutes since Kendall had a reason to be hysterical.

Meanwhile, over at the warehouse.

Tad was right about someone not making it out of the warehouse alive. Uncle Rob shoots his trusty sidekick Rafael.

Alas, poor Rafael, I did not know him well.

Uncle Rob tells everyone that he is an undercover FBI agent. He also tells them that he once won a gold medal for origami. Uncle Rob also brags about winning the Miss Okra Strut title two years in a row. Tad suspects his Uncle Rob is lying about something.

In an effort to prove he really is a professional PI, Tad googles “Miss Okra Strut winners” as soon as he gets back to his office.

Unaware that Uncle Rob still has nefarious plans for Jesse, the Hubbards decide to lead a normal Pine Valley life.

Jesse has an affair while Angie heads over to PVH to change some test results.

Lying. Backstabbing. Suspicions. Things are pretty much status quo over at Fusion.

Ryan’s amnesia is getting worse. He forgets that last week he promised to keep his distance from Kendall. He tells Kendall he needs her help as a “friend.”

Kendall has amnesia,too,because she forgets about telling Zach how she understands that she cannot help Ryan.

Ryan tells Kendall that he has been lying to Annie. He really doesn’t remember anything about their life together. Kendall tells Ryan that lying can end a relationship, which is why she never lies to Zach. Lightning strikes Kendall.

Actually I don’t know what Kendall tells Ryan and I really don’t care.

Zach is none too pleased to find Ryan in his house. Zach decides it is time to stop coddling Ryan and tells him a few home truths about his past.

Ryan is horrified to learn that he used to wear a clown nose.

Greenlee “slips” and tells Annie that she kissed Ryan. Oops. Greenlee “slips” again and tells Annie that Ryan really doesn’t remember anything about her. Annie tells Greens that she forgives her.

Greenlee should not underestimate Annie. The quiet ones are always the most dangerous. And the most fun. Have at her, Annie.

Oh, those AMC actors.

On May 2, Cady McClain returns as Dixie Martin. ABCD is being coy about whether or not Dixie will still be dead. I hope her return is handled well and does not disappoint her fans. My hope is that she doesn’t lurk around PV for months before being spotted. Oh, and that she stays away from Zach. More importantly, I hope that the evil but sexy Dr. David Hayward is not responsible for her absence. That explanation would be too easy and too aggravating.

Here’s to another week in the Valley!

Kate's AMC Spoiler Archives For 2008

March 17, 2008

February 4, 2008

January 28, 2008

January 21, 2008

January 14, 2008

January 7, 2008


Kate's AMC Spoiler Archives For 2007