September 5, 2008

“What Ryan feels doesn’t matter.”



Was anyone else expecting lightening to strike Greenlee dead? Stating that Ryan’s feelings don’t matter goes against almost all that is holy in Pine Valley.  How dare the Green Butterfly treat Dynamite Kiddo’s feelings in such a callous way?

Greenlee’s attitude about Ryan’s feelings provides a nice counterpoint to Kendall’s complete, utter and totally obnoxious obsession with them.

If Kendall really has “everything I ever wanted”, why isn’t she spending time enjoying her own life?  My theory is that Kendall is more like her mother than she realizes.

“To isolate ourselves like this, it’s just silly.”  Kendall demeaned Zach’s notion of romance and that is seldom a sign of a happy marriage. Erica has demeaned Jack’s romantic efforts on more than one occasion.

“I just have to make one phone call, just one.” How many times have we heard Erica use her busy-ness to distance herself from someone, usually Jack?

I am semi-convinced that if Kendall wasn’t obsessed with Ryan, she would find another reason to avoid her home life. Is it because Kendall likes the idea of being married but doesn’t care much for the reality of it (i.e. your spouse’s needs matter as much as your own). Or is it that Kendall prefers careening from crisis to crisis to living a “normal” life with Zach and the kids?

Either way, Kendall is following Erica’s pattern of avoiding a true emotional connection with a man. Kendall has said that Zach is her soul mate. Erica has said the same thing about Jack. They both talk the talk but neither one is able to walk the walk.

How long can Kendall keep pushing Zach away before he leaves? Probably not as long as it took Erica to push Jack away.

I am not saying that Zach is perfect, far from it. Surprising your wife with a beach weekend is one thing, embarrassing her in front of her employees is quite another. Why should Kendall’s employees treat her with respect when her husband doesn’t?

The Hart/Slater marriage is not quite as much fun as it used to be, is it?

Awkward segue.

Two strangers are sitting at a bar. The man smiles at the woman. She smiles back. He’s nervous but finally gets up the courage to sit next to her. Searching for a conversation starter he asks, “I love your perfume, what is called?” “Working Girl.” “OMG, I didn’t know this was a hooker bar!”

The Fusion Babes get dumber with each passing day. I know Babe is proud of her Mama and probably named the perfume in her honor, but how could she not know that “Working Girl” was a lousy product name?

How could a perfume named “Working Girl” make a woman feel better about herself? Maybe I am crazy but I want my perfume (at the moment it is Paris) to evoke feelings of romance and adventure.

I think Babe and, it pains me to say this, Amanda should form their own cosmetics company. They could call it “Delusion.”

Of course, Bella will be the biggest success in the history of the cosmetics industry. Babe will be hailed as the Estee Lauder of her generation. It isn’t enough that PV is filled with Babe-proppers, now she will be propped by an entire industry.



What else. What else.

“And you two wouldn't know anything at all about that, would you? The only difference here, of course, is that Annie's on the outside. She's not part of your club, you know. So, when she messes up, it's completely and totally unforgivable.”  I liked Ryan during that scene. He summed up the situation perfectly. Not only that, he described the situation using almost the exact words Annie used a few weeks ago. For those few moments, Ryan behaved like an adult.

“Smudge the place.” “Last I heard he was in Indonesia sipping Mai Tais.”  Just as I thought, Jake and Amanda made snarky comments about David. Of course, everyone makes snarky remarks about the evil  but sexy David Hayward-that is until they need him. Oh, by the way Amanda, David went to Indonesia to provide free medical care. I remember Tad saying something akin to, “I guess he finally decided to do something for other people for a change.” Of  course that is not to say David isn’t sipping Mai Tais when he is not on call.

Taylor is more interesting now that she has mysterious issues. I still do not see any chemistry between Taylor and Jake.   Of course, my thinking Jake is an ass might have something to do with that assessment.

“This your lucky day. You get to stare at me.” Here’s a clue Kendall, when your husband says that it means he wants you to think staring at him all day is your heart’s desire.

“Oh, it’s a lizard. He’s so cute.” This goes a long way to explaining Amanda’s choices when it comes to men.

“I will not ignore my friends. I will ignore you, the kids, my brother and my company but I will not ignore my friends.” Well, that is what I heard Kendall say. In my head.

The question of the week- does any soap hospital lock its pharmacy? Frankie didn’t even need a key to access PVH’s hard stuff.

“When I thought Zach died, I died, too. And if you think writing a best seller while dead is easy, you just think again, little missy.  What do you mean, that isn’t what Kendall said

“but then who would help you poison your perfume?”   My affection for Petey grows with each passing day. He’s smart, he’s articulate, and he looks cute in goggles.

“Why is Annie evil and I am good?” Because dear Greenlee, making Annie the wife from hell is the quickest way to reunite you with Ryan.  Not the most interesting way, but the quickest.

“I’m trying really hard not to be that guy anymore.”  Not to be picky, Ryan, but I believe the correct wording would be, “I’m trying really hard not to be THAT MONSTER that I was trying not to be when I shoved my pregnant wife into the dresser.”Of course I understand why you didn’t mention the Fight Club, because the first rule of the Fight Club is to not talk about the Fight Club.

“I thought Lancelot was going to look after you and the Super Hero Fetus.” Dead Richie sure is a lot more fun than Dead Dixie. For one thing, Dead Richie has a snarkin’ sense of humor.

“How you feelin’ there, Erica? Woke up in your own worst nightmare?”  It’s good to see the writers acknowledge Erica and Greenlee’s long history of animosity. 

“I wish to heaven we still had the Dobermans.” “my dog Harold.”

I miss those dog days of AMC. Harold is always on my list of characters who should be made un-dead.  True, Billy Clyde Tuggle is on the top of the list, but Harold is right behind.  For the cat lovers out there, let’s pause for a moment to remember Daisy’s cat Bonkers.

Aidan punched Ryan. It felt good but it made me sad. Aidan did the punching because deep down he knows that Ryan’s declaration of love puts his marriage on shaky ground. Poor Spotted Dick.

“All night long that’s all I could think about- how much more attractive Jack is to me when he gazes at someone else. After thinking about that, I thought about how to win Jackson back so I can stop wanting him.” Well, that is what Erica said. In my head.

“Watch it, she’s my mother.” I am looking forward to the day when Colby and Petey get married. Adam and Opal and Palmer as in-laws would make for a fun Thanksgiving.

“She’s nice. She’s spontaneuous. A free spirit. She only cares about what feels right and good. That’s why I am sure Amanda won’t mind when I dump her for you.”  Well, that is what Jake meant, isn’t it?

“Opal.” “Lucifer.”  See above: in-laws.

“Would you just stop with all the drama. Pine Valley has room for only one drama queen and that’s me.” What do you mean, that isn’t what Kendall said.

Jesse cooks! Jesse does the dishes! Maybe he could give Tad lessons.

“Did some major sucking up. It made me sick.” Annie and Adam. Perfect together.

“(You are) incandescent in your rage.”  “Incandescent” is a terrific word. Perhaps it reminded Erica what a wonderful cunning linguist Adam can be.


Apologies for the late column. This week is my 20th Wedding Anniversary. Ronnie being home for the celebration makes it truly special. For years we have celebrated our anniversary on different continents.  Being together trumped the column’s deadline. [From Katrina:  It ended up being even later because it took me 2 days to get around to posting it.  My apologies to Kate's fans].

Here’s to another week in the Valley!

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