Seasons of My Life, By Maxine Bennett

March 23, 2007

I watched the TV show "Sex in the City" a day or so ago. I adore this show. Here in Vegas at 11PM week days, the PG rated one is shown on reruns. I think I''ve seen every one of these shows in the R and/or PG rated format. Truthfully, the show does lose something in the PG version. However, I take what I can get. It beats watching the news.

Anyway, this episode had Carrie, the lead, ask if we women need to be rescued. It dawned on me that many people, men and women alike, need and want to be rescued. There are certain people who one of my good friends refers to as Vampires. The Vampire is the one who always needs help. Always in trouble. Always has issues. And most of all ... always sucks the life or the blood out of the strong ones. We, the strong ones, are really weak. Why you ask? How can we be weak if someone is getting help from us? Because we are there for the constant train wreck and we watch and help and never say, "Come on buddy, get your life in order. Handle the problem and move on."

I thought that I didn't get it until I realized just this past week that I had been dealing with a guilt issue for 5 years. Without going into great detail and giving you the Readers Digest version, something happened during the weekend of my son's wedding. A so called "friend" asked me to help her play a joke on the newlyweds. I knew fully well that if I did this something for her, it would embarrass my son; however, I wasn't strong enough to say no. SO because my self esteem was so low I told her I would do it. I told my son in advance and he wasn't a happy camper about it. As always, I wanted to be loved and keep the peace, so I lied. The so called friend asked an innocent third party if this joke ever was played out. Of course he didn't know squat about it, so she caught me in the lie.

A week after the wedding, she read me the riot act. I wasn't upset with the fact that I didn't do what she wanted. I was upset with myself that I couldn't say no to her, knowing my child always came and always will come first. Usually, I do not lie but for that day I did. I have regretted that I was made to lie and that I didn't own up to just saying no. I guess since it's been 5 years no one could say I do not hold on to things. Guilt is a terrible evil. While I was in NY this week, my friend Gail asked about the so called friend. Gail met her at the wedding. I shared with her that I am no longer in contact with the so called friend. It was my choice not to be friends with her any longer. I told her the more detailed version of the story. However, I still had this hurt and anger at myself for allowing myself to be sucked in and to lie. We spoke at great length and she rescued me. It just proved that even the strong need a rescue once in awhile.

I can honestly say I do not have many friends. My mother used to tell me that all you need is one good one and your life is complete. I have Steve so there's my one; however, I am very lucky to say that I can count on at least 4 special women who have been there for me and I hope I have been there for them.

I think it's great when we can pass the torch by helping and holding a falling hand. So really, is being rescued once in awhile such a bad thing? I think not!!

Maxine