Cassandra: “You’re cool, you know.”

Jesse: “I know.”

 

Decades ago, I wanted Mona to adopt me. Today, I want Jesse to adopt me. Jesse sensed Cassandra had a problem and dove right in. Jesse respectfully confronted Cassie about her behavior. Jesse helped them find common ground by listening to her point of view and not belittling her emotions.

As Cassandra said, Jesse is cool.

Oh, why quibble, the whole Hubbard family is cool. They feel like a family. Long time viewers have known Angie and Jesse for, well, for a long time. We know these characters and know them well. Adult Frankie and almost adult Cassandra were the unknown factors in this family equation. (For some viewers even Cassandra’s existence was a complete surprise since her adoption took place on The City.)

Soaps are built on families. A miscast can throw a family’s chemistry completely out of whack. Cornelius Smith Jr. has a naturalness not often found in relatively inexperienced actors. Frankie takes himself and life seriously but his sense of humor keeps him from being dour. Frankie’s experiences in Iraq give him an interesting perspective on life in the Valley. His interactions with Cassie appear effortless. This is the best casting choice in recent memory.

Will Cassandra fit into the coolness that is the Hubbards?  I  do not know.  I have a strict rule about going with the flow with a new character or recast. It is important and fair to give an actor, especially a relatively inexperienced one, a chance to settle into the character.  My opinion about an actor’s fit can change as time goes by. For example, my opinion about Chrishell Stause has dramatically changed for the better since her early AMC days.

Back to Frankie. His nascent friendship with Jake is interesting because it is believable. They have had different roles in different wars, but recognize their commonality. Their recent conversation added depth to both characters. In addition, Jake’s friendship with Frankie gives him a real connection with someone other than the Martins, which  is a good thing indeed.

Isn’t Jake’s connection with Greenlee a real one? Not as long as Greenlee’s connection is only with herself. Greenlee talks the talk of friendship but she seldom walks the walk. I have spent hours trying to remember an incident where Greenlee acknowledged that she was not the center of any given situation. My head hurts from excessive concentration, but I finally thought of two. At Leo’s memorial service, Greenlee told everyone that she knew they were not there for her but for Leo.  Greenlee also did not make Leora’s death about her. She was supportive and compassionate with David. Oh wait, there was one more. Greenlee did not insult Ruth’s leftover meatloaf, even though she did not care for it. Of course, those memories might be the only ones that stand out because Leo, David, and to a lesser extent old Jake, were the only male character who had chemistry with Greenlee.

Wait, what about Aidan?  Unfortunately, as time goes by that relationship seems more about Greenlee’s desire to be a bride more than any desire to be Aidan’s wife. Her sudden lack of interest in having children is a major clue. Greens, who wanted children with Leo, committed felonies to have Ryan’s child, suddenly decides she never wants children?  

On some level, Greenlee will probably be relieved to find out about the five-minute-stand. Being the injured party will give her the perfect excuse to cancel the nuptials. 

There is another good reason to cancel the wedding. The Smythe-Devane marriage would likely be as boring as the Carey-Martin marriage. And who needs another one of those?

It is a shocking day for me when Krystal is the most interesting person in a relationship, but she is. This week Krystal addressed the not-stuffed elephant in the room. Has Tad thought about what he will do when he finds Kate, especially if she is in a loving home? I agree that Tad should find Kate, that he has every right to know where she is. This is not about what Tad deserves but what is right for Kate. Krystal correctly pointed this out to Tad. (Yes, it is bizarre that I agree with Krystal about child custody matters, but there it is.) Tad, as can be expected, can only see his view of the situation. 

This story presents a golden opportunity for Tad and Dixie’s ghost to interact. Here is how it could play out: Adam gives Tad the adoption papers. Dixie’s ghost stops him as he heads out the door to bring Kate back to Hypocrisy House. Dixie tells Tad that they need to think about what is best for their daughter. They have a very emotional conversation about what to do next. Following her parents’ death, on Christmas Eve, Kate found a happy, stable, loving home with Julia. Should Tad just rip her away from that? Tad and Julia work together about what to do next. Dixie’s ghost and Tad have a bittersweet parting. Cut to a scene where Tad/Kate/Julia are playing in the park. Kate feels a soft kiss from Dixie’s ghost on her cheek. Dixie’s ghost fades away.

Unfortunately, Julia is moving to Australia.  Defeated sigh.

 

What else. What else.

This week it was a clear that the difference between Stuart’s and Adam’s sweaters is not simply whether or not they have patterns. The true difference is that Adam looks smokin’ hot in his and Stuart does not.

“I’m still the number one, five-star expert on bull.” I need an expert to explain why Amanda is now a bit player.

“And give him (Tad) his happy ending.” If there is one thing I do not want to see it’s Adam giving Tad a “happy ending.” Sexually speaking, of course.

“Let’s celebrate. Let’s go to Confusion.”   I must be odd. If my fiancé had returned unscathed from a war zone, Confusion is the last place I would want to go. (Bed being my first choice.)

“You don’t even have to tell mom.” That won’t be a problem, Jake, considering how seldom Ruth appears onscreen. Speaking of which, why isn’t Ruth there?

I am disturbed.  Deeply disturbed. The sudden proliferation of adult owned stuffed animals is creeping me out. How long before Zach mumbles, “Gotta getta Gund. Gotta getta Gund. Gotta getta Gund dammit” in his sleep?

“That conspiring slut of a woman.” There goes Babe, talking about herself again.

“Beer is liquefied bread.” I want that on a T-shirt. Now. Or at least in time to give it to my husband for Christmas.

Wasn’t it sweet that Ian and Spike made Mother’s Day cards for their mother’s mother?

Uncle Robert was much more fun when he was making origami. The least he could do is knock out some origami elephants.

“Pine Valley is a world away from Paris.” Judging by how seldom Bianca visits, it certainly seems that way.

Barry Shire. Barry Shire! BARRY SHIRE!  His appearance has me hoping Donald Steele may yet re-appear.

“Whatever it is, he’ll win.” Yes, he will, Stuart. That is one of things I love most about Adam. That and how smokin’ hot he looks in sweaters.

“But I did those things, Kendall.” Interesting that Greenlee only confesses to people who will dismiss her crimes. Notice she never cops to any of her misdeeds when Erica is within earshot.

“I never asked him to grieve for me while I pretended to be dead.” Oh, Adam. Have you forgotten Dixie was once a Martin, which means she never does anything wrong?

“Talking like that is what got you here in the first place.” Good to know Oak Haven has such a compassionate staff.

“Welcome to (boring) married life.”  And who’s to blame for your boring marriage, Tad? You are. Threaten a woman into marrying you and you get what you deserve.

I don’t FF Kendall and Greenlee scenes, yet I can never remember more than one or two.

“Your husband’s surgery was never performed.” Again I ask, what the hell was the doctor doing down there if he wasn’t performing the vasectomy?

Will this week’s spoilers have us wanting to celebrate at Confusion or not? Let’s see:

Stuff, other than the stuff discussed below, happens this week:

Dixie tells Jake he cannot leave the Valley because TPTB are counting on him to raise the ratings.

OK, so that is only part of the reason. The other part? Tad will soon need his brother more than ever.

While catching his breath between bouts of taunting Adam, Tad realizes Adam truly believes Dixie is haunting him.

While the spoilers do not say that Tad taunts Adam, it is a pretty safe bet that he does. Why is Tad allowed to visit Adam? It’s the Martin thing, isn’t it?

Dixie’s latest warning about his future chills Adam to his bones.

“Tad will always be part of your life-always!” In reality, she reiterates that he will pay, and pay dearly, for his misdeeds.

Dixie warns Adam that soon it will be too late to do the right thing.

“Adam, you have to hurry-May Sweeps are almost over!”

JR takes his father back to Casa Chandler.

I have had pedicures take longer than Adam’s stay in Oakhaven.

Annie continues her quest to keep Ryan from slipping away.

Now if anyone needs a prolonged stay in Oakhaven, it’s Annie.

This week, on a very special episode of The Maltese Elephant, Uncle Rob goes to a wedding.

Greg Nelson returns to Pine Valley to help celebrate Angie and Jesse’s wedding.

He is also there to advise them not to go jet skiing on their honeymoon. (Tasteless, I know, but someone had to say it.)

Angie, Greg and Jesse visit Jenny’s grave.

OK, so now I am feeling really bad about the jet ski comment. It will be fun and touching to see Greg again. I wonder if his mother Enid will be joining him. She’s always so much fun, in a nasty drunken bitch kind of way. OK, maybe she is not so much fun after all.

Jesse has a wedding surprise for Angie. He has arranged for Ne-Yo to sing at the wedding.

Most men would consider coming back from the dead surprise enough to last a lifetime, but not our Jesse. As Cassandra said, he’s cool.

Everyone, including me, cries as Angie and Jesse exchange their vows.

C’mon, do you really think you are not going to cry?

Adam believes JR and Colby are in imminent danger. In an effort to protect them, he crashes the wedding reception. His efforts are stymied when Tad and Jake threaten him with physical harm.

If they so much as ruffle Adam’s shiny silver hair, they will have to answer to me. And it won’t be pretty. It will be fun for me, but not pretty for them.

Dixie takes a spin around the dance floor with Kate. Kate is later committed to Oakhaven after talking about dancing with a woman no one else can see.

Well, it could happen.

A series of unexpected events ruin the wedding reception.

Why is this a spoiler? Something unexpected always happens at Pine Valley weddings.

Opal is pleased when Robert pays attention to her. Unfortunately, that attention includes drugging her and locking her up.

Let’s hope this isn’t the last we see of Opal. After all, it is not as if Robert is locking her in the Martin attic.

Uncle Robert uses the monogrammed wedding napkins to make origami doves. This action triggers Jesse memory. He realizes that Uncle Rob is really Papel.

I love Jesse, but his timing on this one really stinks, doesn’t it?

Uncle Rob takes Angie as his hostage. He drags her to the casino roof and forces her on to his waiting helicopter.

Wait a minute. Has Uncle Rob forgotten about the Maltese Elephant aka Mr. Trunks?

Uncle Rob loses it. He shoots Greg, Tad and Julia.

I hope Julia’s ticket to Australia isn’t non-refundable.

Yes, I know it is Angie and Jesse’s day, but what about Greenlee?

Aidan and Greenlee reconnect at the wedding. Aidan tells Greens that having children is not as important to him as having a life with her.

Greens is happy because it will be easier to divorce Aidan without some pesky thing like custody complicating things.

Greenlee is happy that Aidan has changed his life’s hopes and dreams to accommodate her whims. Aidan runs off to find some champagne so they can celebrate.

Greenlee spends her time alone looking in the mirror mindlessly repeating, “I’ll be a more beautiful bride than Angie. Oh, yes, I will.”

While Aidan is off searching for bubbly, Greenlee cries with joy over bending Aidan to her will. Jackson enters the room. Jack erroneously believes that Greenlee is crying about Aidan’s infidelity. Jack starts making sympathetic noises only to realize his daughter knows nothing about the betrayal.

If ever there was time to wish for a do-over, Jack, this is it.

Realizing both her fiancé and her BFF betrayed her, Greenlee unleashes her fury.

Having previously witnessed Greenlee’s fury, this should be fun. Not fun for the characters, of course, but fun for us.

Greenlee cannot believe that Zach betrayed her, too. Why didn’t he tell her that his wife had sex with Aidan?

Oh, I don’t know, Greenlee, maybe it’s because Kendall is his wife and you are not. (If there is a soap god, Greenlee will never be Zach’s wife.)

Spotted Dick is confused about who knew what and when. Finally, he realizes that Zach must have found out from Kendall. He begins yelling at her because she did not tell him that she told Zach about what they agreed to never tell anybody about.

If you want to have some real fun, try telling Spotted Dick the “Who’s on First?” joke. I like Spotted Dick, I really do, but he is the odd man out here. He has not had the depth of experience in Pine Valley betrayal that the others have.

Aidan accuses Zach of sending him to Darfur with the hopes that he would be killed.

I think Aidan’s time would be better spent apologizing to Greenlee, but what do I know?

Zach punches Aidan. Zach feels better than he has in months.

I hope the wedding photographer gets a shot of this.

Greenlee asks Zach to take her to bed.

OK, in reality she asks him to take her home, but we all know she has bedding Zach on her mind.