Hell hath no fury like a woman whose daughter has been scorned.

 

I have to admire one thing about Janet: when she makes a plan she sticks to it.  Nothing will stop her from achieving her goals. If she weren’t so crazy she would make a great motivational speaker. On the other hand, I have heard motivational speakers who do not seem that much less crazy than Janet.

 

And when Janet wants revenge, she does her best to get it; collateral damage be damned.  What will she do when she realizes the explosion did not wipe out Amanda’s “enemies”?  How can she possibly outdo that explosion?

 

And what a fine explosion it was. I must give credit to AMC for staging it so well. If a soap explosion can be called exquisite, that was it.  The lighting was great as was the choreography. The juxtaposition of the delicate song, How High the Moon, against the silence of the onscreen violence heightened the emotions of the moment.

 

Tad waking up to utter silence was pretty good, too. MEK did a good job of conveying Tad’s confusion and fear.

 

AMC could have overplayed all this in a way that would have disconnected the viewers from what was happening onscreen. Instead they made choices that drew us in. They engaged us in what was happening instead of pushing us away. I have to give them credit for doing that. (I just wish they would do that more often.)

 

I watched two weeks of AMC in two days. I am afraid much of it is mushed together in my head, so I hope these non-sequiturs make some kind of sense:

 

We get that we are supposed to believe that Ryan cares deeply for Kendall. Yep, he cares for her so much that he grabbed her from behind in a dark room and dragged her off. I hate to think what Ryan would do to someone he didn’t care about. Oh wait a minute; we have seen Ryan behave like that.  He behaved like that towards Kendall before he found out she was carrying his child.

 

Wouldn’t it have been easier to believe that Ryan had pure motives in exposing Zach if he hadn’t looked so darn happy while explaining it all to Kendall?

 

“Because of you I am carrying my own child.”  This is a good example of why I love AMC. That sentence makes perfect sense in Pine Valley.

 

Zach is correct in saying that what he did for Kendall and what she did for Greenlee were motivated by the same thing, love.  It will take Kendall awhile to see that Zach’s assessment is correct. Awhile meaning until the next Sweeps.

 

I have to disagree with Lily. Jack does treat her like a normal person.  Most normal parents would not let their normal teenage daughters date Jonathan, either.

 

I thought the Gala took place in the Purple Passion wing of the Valley Inn until Erica mentioned it took place in a mansion. We know about Casa Chandler, Cortlandt Manor and Phoebe’s place. Is Erica referring to a mansion we have never heard about? Of course what’s a little mansion surprise compared to learning Josh is a Kane?

 

Rewriting history to add another mansion to the PV landscape is one thing, rewriting history in order to give Erica a son is quite another. Erica’s abortion was socially relevant, risky, and good story telling. To change the outcome of that story is proof to me that Agnes Nixon’s influence on AMC is pretty much gone. That makes me sad.

 

Erica had a miscarriage when she was married to Dimitri; why not rewrite that outcome to give Erica a surprise son?  Medically it makes about as much sense as the current story. If it is essential to have Josh be a Martin, why not rewrite Erica’s history to include a miscarriage while she was married to Jeff? Or from her brief fling with Charlie Brent?  
 

 

Why did it take an explosion for an Anita/Julia scene to happen?

 

I wish the chandelier had fallen on Krystal, crushing her, giving Bobbie Eakes the distinction of having two of her soap characters killed by a chandelier.

 

I hate Dixie already. Keeping her return secret is more important than saving her Uncle Palmer’s life?  All she had to do was shout to David to give Palmer the damn pills already.

 

Despite hating Dixie already, I did enjoy the flashbacks to her affair with David. That was the only time I liked her.

 

I loved seeing David manipulate Palmer. The same way I like to see Palmer manipulate Adam and vice versa. Among men like these, the playing field is always even.

 

“I don’t want to hear about Jerry Lee Lewis.”  Further proof that Jack treats Lily like a normal person.

 

“Palmer. Find Palmer.” Nope, Opal, you don’t care for the old coot at all, do you?

 

Just when my disdain for Jamie was beginning to ebb, he had to harass JR about Babe. Wasn’t JR’s blatant desperation evidence that he loves Babe? Oh wait; maybe Jamie could not see his brother’s desperation because he wasn’t wearing his “don’t I look smart now?” glasses.

 

“I’m a monster. Disaster is my best event.” Oh Zach I hardly think it’s your best event.

 

A Dancing Nick scene! What a great surprise that was.

 

At last Tad was face down in David’s lap.

 

Krystal playing dead during a disaster just wasn’t funny. Or maybe I have no sense of humor.

 

“You used her. You tried to break her.” No Palmer that’s what Krystal did to Adam, not what Adam did to Krystal.

 

Dixie at the masquerade ball reminded me of when Daisy first came to town. Daisy appeared at Cortlandt Manor during a ball to check on her daughter Nina. Daisy even managed a dance with Cliff without being found out. Good times.

 

“My love, my loyalty, my sword.”  Just out of curiosity Zach exactly how big is your love, your loyalty and most importantly, your sword?

 

Alas, poor Ethan, I did not know him well. Yet, I found his scenes with Simone and Zach touching. Simone had me wishing once again that we had actually seen the development of the romance between her and Ethan.  Zach had me feeling his pain and regret.  I still remain confused about a few things. When exactly did Ethan go back to hating Zach? Didn’t Ethan complain, repeatedly, about how cold Edith Ramsey was towards him? And why do TPTB not see what a treasure Terri Ivens is?

 

When I saw Brooke and Derek dancing together I thought, why not have them as a couple? Sure they still would be on the back burner but at least they would be having sex while there.

 

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”  Why should David be surprised that Julia is choosing Ryan over him? The Santos women usually make bad choices when it comes to men. After all Anita let Spotted Dick go without a second thought.

 

All My Gala Schmattes

 

I was a happy viewer during the Gala. The glamorously sexy outfits. The well styled hair. The beaded masks. And the women didn’t look bad either.

 

Except for Marion. Not only did her bangs not match her hair, but also her breasts looked like they could do severe damage to anyone who got in their way. I realize the Gala had a Mardi Gras theme, but did Marion have to dress like she came straight from Storyville? 

 

 

A lot of flounce, a lot of barely visible leg, a
lot of beading and lot of hair. Just not much style.

 

 

I do not really have anything to say. I just
wanted his picture here so we could gaze at him.

 

 

Sweet but sophisticated. Very Dani. 
However that headband looks painfully tight.

 

Anyone else wondering if a dress made out
of fish scales starts to smell after three days?
And is that chum on her arm?

 

Dashing. Charming. British. Not quite Jeremy
Northam but close.

 

Can’t help it, this jacket makes Jonathan look like a Von Trapp
from a road company of The Sound of Music.

 

Did the poor thing run into a Thornbird on her
way to the Gala?

 

The bodice is a great way for a well-endowed
woman to show off her assets in a sexily
sophisticated way.  However the bottom
makes me think this dress would make a fine
toilet brush.

 

OK, who was the smartass who decided to
dress Opal as Cruella de Valley?

 

After Janet, this is the perfect matching of
a dress and a character. It’s whimsical,
it’s sophisticated and it shows a sense of
humor. Looking at her it’s easy to understand
why my husband thinks she is the most
beautiful woman in the Valley (even if she
does have to turn sideways to go through doors).

 

This is just so many kinds of wrong. Too
much material and froufrou for a petite woman
with curves. And don’t get me started on
the dress underneath with the HUGE purple
sequins. It looks like they bought her dress at
the Crazee Costume Shop. Just once could
Brooke wear a Vera Wang?

 

Even though the material looks like silver
wrapping paper, the dress still looks good.
Erica’s clothes are always perfectly fitted,
which makes just about anything look terrific
on her.

 

He has the perfect accessory-a great smile. I
think this is the first time he has smiled since
he came to the Valley.

 

Just like Babe, Kendall has lots of beading
and lots of hair.  The same things that worked
against Babe’s look work for Kendall. Just
like her mother, Kendall’s dress fits her
perfectly. Do the Kanes have a seamstress on
permanent retainer?

 

Very Midsummer Night’s dream. On someone
older this would be ridiculous but it’s exactly
right for a young innocent like Lily. Speaking
of innocence I hope Jonathan refuses the
opportunity to be Lily’s sex tutor.

 

Let me see if I have this straight, AMC has
the time to find an outfit that suits him perfectly,
but not a storyline?

 

Totally inappropriate outfit for a Gala, but
who the heck cares? Sigh. 

 

The perfect matching of character and
outfit.  The beaded jacket, the headpiece,
the train. Everything about it works
wonderfully as Janet plays demented Fairy
Godmother to Amanda.  And the collar
frames her face beautifully.

 

I wouldn’t be surprised if there was an Elvis
painting on the back of Jamie’s jacket,
would you?

 

 A big thanks to the photographer who
convinced Ryan to pose without his clown nose. 

 

Like Di’s dress made of fish scales will this week’s spoilers start to smell after three days? Let’s see:

 

Janet is not just on another planet; she is in another solar system altogether:

 

Janet offers to save Babe but she resists. Babe then realizes Janet is her only hope since JR and Jamie are too busy arguing to look for her.

 

I sort of made the last part up but those two little boys arguing while people are buried alive annoyed me.

 

Janet takes Babe to a cabin where she has a mother and child reunion with Little Adam. Janet locks them in.

 

Exactly how many cabins are there in the Pine Valley woods?  It seems like they magically spring from the earth whenever one is needed.

 

Janet decides that Babe is at the root of all of Amanda’s problems.

 

Now, now, Janet, when it comes to Amanda’s problems there is plenty of blame to sling around.

 

Janet makes sure that JR thinks Lil’A’s mother kidnapped him.

 

It’s kind of karmic justice that Babe is being blamed for a baby snatching she didn’t commit.

 

Babe tries to convince Janet to go along with her plan.

 

I know Janet is crazy but she would have to be nuts to go along with anything Babe suggests.

 

Amanda continues to insist that Janet is not responsible for all the bad things that have happened.

 

In part that’s true. Janet is in no way responsible for the absurdity that has made Josh another Kane.

 

Jamie points out to Amanda that whoever caused the explosion is responsible for Ethan’s death.

 

The argument that Ethan was on the backburner anyway probably won’t get Amanda very far on this one. Although it would be interesting to see Olivia use that as part of Janet’s legal defense.

 

Amanda takes a trip down memory lane as she recounts Janet’s last breakdown.

 

But will we find out what happened to Trevor?

 

Dixie finds out that Di has not just been whistlin’ Dixie but has been pretending to actually be Dixie.
 

Dixie tells Di that it was wrong to steal her life.

 

Well, that’s what Dixie gets for leaving her life just lying around, isn’t it?

 

Dixie spies on an intimate conversation between Tad and her sister.

 

Does Dixie notice how much more interesting Di is with Tad than she ever was? After all, Di has a sense of humor.

 

Dixie heads to David’s cabin.

 

Good thinking Dixie-bird. As long as you are in town you might as well have some great sex.

 

Isn’t it funny how much screen time back burnered characters get when they die?

 

Joe tries valiantly to save Ethan but cannot. Ethan dies.

 

Joe, the only one who could have saved Ethan would have been James Scott’s agent.

 

Zach is almost overwhelmed with regrets about his relationship with Ethan.

 

“Well, what was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to know Ethan still hated me when it all happened offscreen?”

 

Julia tries to comfort Simone.

 

“Well at least you had some normal time together before Ethan died. Noah and I spent the last NINE YEARS of our life together in the WPP.”

 

Kendall comforts Zach.

 

Kendall is pregnant. She should rest. I will be happy to comfort Zach in her stead.

 

Zach admits he still loves Kendall. Kendall throws down the gauntlet, challenging Zach to fix things between them.

 

Kendall, I think the protocol here is giving a father at least a week to mourn his dead son before making demands.

 

If it isn’t one Kane, it’s another:

 

Erica and Greg try to figure out if Josh knows the truth about his parentage.
 

I think if Josh knew the truth he would already have parlayed it into something big. Like blackmailing either Erica or his father.

 

Joe offers Josh an internship at PVH.

 

“Are you nuts? I don’t want to be a doctor, I want to be Erica Kane.”

 

Joe tells Tad that he wants to be a grandfather to Josh.

 

“You see, son, Josh already has the Martin arrogance down pat but he needs a grandfather’s guidance to help him develop the Martin hypocrisy properly.”