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       May 3, 2006 Time to donate, Lovey! Keep ol' Sage on the internet by donating to Eye on Soaps' expense fund for this month. I need ya! I need ya, baby! Come save me from internet extinction!! 
      
      Click here for credit card 
 
      or click here for  AMC Zach and Kendall 
        are getting married?  On a boat?  Suddenly, she wants to be a 
        mommy?  What happened to Crazy Pregnant Island with the Stepford 
        preggos?   Ryan loves Kendall and is going to fight for 
        her? Zach and Kendall are doing it on my TV?  
        She's wearing... orange?  From what I saw today, Kendall is the 
        only one in Pine Valley who has her head on straight. That's a pretty 
        sad state of affairs! I am devastated.  Ryan drank the Amadazine 
        truth serum and the only thing we get out of him is his friggin pin 
        number?? Palmer and Opal should be ripping Dixie a new 
        strategic exit any day now.  Can't wait for that.  Dixie abuse 
        should be a Summer Olympics sport.  I'd pay to see it. Speaking of which, I watched the Daytime Emmy 
        Awards that I recorded and what was up with Cady McClain?  Was she 
        having a 12-year-old moment or what? JR is out of control?  Say it isn't so?  
        He's usually so docile, sane and tranquil. Re:  Jonathan and Lily.  Why do 
        parents never figure out that the whole Romeo and Juliet story just did 
        not end well? Wow!  Next week is going to be 
        particularly rocky as JR inadvertently caused Kendall to be injured, 
        putting her in a coma that causes the inevitable choice between mom's 
        life and baby's.  As Erica and Ryan prepare to make the decision, 
        Zach arrives and plays the trump card as Kendall's husband. Amanda, of all people, decides she wants to 
        carry someone else's baby too!  Greg convinces her to become a 
        surrogate mother.   The fact that JR tried to kill her does not sit 
        well with Babe, even though he got Kendall instead.  Whether or not 
        he pays for his crimes legally will depend on whether or not AMC is able 
        to re-sign Jacob Young whose contract expires this Fall.  They want 
        to keep him, but he is entertaining other options. Things don't get any better for Lily on the 
        streets of NYC. Things look much worse for the procreative god, 
        Dr Madden as he meets the classic soap "dramatic departure" later in the 
        month.  Whodunit?   OLTL It's a twister!  Auntie Em!  You know, 
      I had no idea there were tornados in Pennsylvania!  The things we 
      learn on soaps.  I always figured them for a Midwest kind of thing. I was cracking up at the "police" sketch that 
      John showed Michael of the guy who shot their father.  It might as 
      well have been a stick figure.   John finds out David dunnit (he 
      must have recognized him from the sketch - smirk) and is a man with a 
      mission, despite Natalie and Bo's warnings. On Friday, May 13, sumbody gonna die. Cris stands by 
        Evangeline through her ordeal while Natalie and John open roads to 
        furthering their relationship (Natalie gets a leg owie). When Tess goes to take her bundle of baby home, 
        she's furious to learn that Antonio has taken legal action preventing 
        her from taking the baby out of the hospital without a paternity test 
        being run.  Later, Antonio, Tess and Forbes March are taking the 
        baby home from the hospital (does this girl NOT watch "Paint Your Wagon" 
        EVER?) when the tornado dumps an electrical pole on their car, knocking 
        it into a ravine.  Nash is thrown to the bottom of a ravine and 
        Antonio is electrocuted trying to get out of the car.  (They could 
        have combined stories and have him get caught in an electrically 
        volatile bear trap.  I'd watch that on Pay Per View even.)  
        Nash wakes up and saves the day with Tess' help, who pretends to be 
        Jessica to give Antonio the will to live (awww).  Later, when 
        Antonio uncharges himself, he is actually nice to her. Kelly and Duke, after the tornado, are found... it gets better... you'll love it... naked... in St James Church... with their sexness still drying... (I'm cracking up here) by Kevin!!! To add insult to injury, with each of them in 
        the hospital in critical condition, he has to choose which one to save. The moral (if Kevin can actually be anywhere 
        near something that involves the word "moral") of this story is, "Don't 
        bang your brother's wife and then steal her out from under his nose, 
        daring him to get testy about it!  Asshole."  Da karma train 
        is rollin rollin rollin... Spencer wiped out Margaret's memory?  Clever 
      way to keep from killing her, but what happened to the baby?  Are we still going to get a story where Blair and 
      Todd are raising Todd and Crazy Peggy's baby?  David needles Spencer 
      with his newfound knowledge that Margaret is alive and well, if oblivious 
      to the drama surrounding her alivedness.  He works on Margaret to get 
      her to remember her Llanview life while Spencer gets Denton on the case to 
      find David. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean 
        they're not after you.  Adriana should have listened to Rex.  
        She's kidnapped by an obsessive fan who has been stalking her. GH Sam needs blood and needs it now.  Her blood type is rare (I 
        don't recall this being mentioned any of the other 17,000 times Sam has 
        been in mortal danger at the hospital) and Emily comes up with a way to 
        get some of it.   Nikolas actually finds out about Sam and Alexis and gives Jason da 
        business about it. Noah tells Jason and Alexis that Sam has a brain bleed (is that like  
        "brain cloud?"), but that the surgery necessary to correct it would be 
        fatal... unless Patrick, the only surgeon qualified to perform the 
        surgery.  Noah tells Patrick that if he performs the surgery, Sam 
        will die. Just like old times!!  In a generational adventure story, 
        Dillon, Patrick, Robin and LuLu go on the search for Robert, Luke, and 
        Holly in the Maarkam Islands,  Luke and Robert are busy competing 
        for Holly's wuv, but are interrupted by their children who have come to 
        rescue them.  This does not sit well with the dynamic duo (that 
        they might need to be "rescued" by this bunch of whipper snappers).  
        Subdrama erupts as Dillon comforts Lulu after a blow up with Luke and 
        Georgie, feeling abandoned by Dillon, invites Diego to her prom, who 
        steals Edward's car to take her. Luke finds a bag of jewels, prompting a skirmish between Robert, Luke 
        and Holly for the booty.  (A different kind of booty than in the 
        previous paragraph).  Bounty hunters!  Age and Treachery 
        verses Youth and Energy!  An unexpected (but very welcome!) guess 
        descends from the sky!  You'll love it!! Time to meet da mama!  Carly and the boys to go to Australia to 
        hold court with Lady Jane.  Will she fare better than her late BFF 
        did with the potential mom-in-law? Lucky continue down the slippery slope of doubting Elizabeth and 
        self-medicating.  When we said we wanted Greg Vaughan to have a 
        story, this is NOT what I was envisioning.  >:< Love ya! Now go make a donation!! 
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      Sources:  ABC Soaps In Depth, Soap Opera 
      Digest (I have determined that I do 
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