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For the week of April 24, 2006

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The reunion dreams are made of happened this week on AMC.  The thrill of seeing someone you thought was gone forever. The sudden flash of recognition causing fond memories to flood your brain and heart. The hope that perhaps maybe just maybe there is a future for you both. Yes, that happened to me when I caught a glimpse of Mary Fickett as Ruth Martin during the Tad/Dixie flashbacks.  

Where the heck is Ruth these days?  I can accept that Mary Fickett chose to leave the role. Perhaps Lee Merriweather wants to come back, perhaps not. There are plenty of good actresses who could play Ruth. Why is she absent? The story of Josh’s birth is ridiculous in a Passions sort of way. One way to bring this story back into the traditional AMC sensibility would be to show how Josh’s biological family is handling the news.  

Why hasn’t Jeff rushed back to Pine Valley? Do he and Christina have any children that would be affected by this news?  Is Jake out of the loop altogether? What about Tara? Given Tara and Erica’s stormy past, Tara’s reaction would be interesting. “Disappearing Bobby” aside, don’t the Martin siblings ever talk to each other? 

Perhaps Josh’s aunt and uncles will be involved further down the road.  For now, Jeff will remain merely a voice on the phone. 

Currently there are no plans to bring Ruth back in any major way. That decision is almost as ridiculous as the Josh storyline.  Am I the only one wondering how Joe broke the news to Ruth? Was she appalled or did she go right into the kitchen to bake Josh a welcome to the family coffee cake?  Wouldn’t it be interesting to see Nurse Ruth working along side her unsuspecting grandson at the hospital?  Given that Erica has never been one of Ruth’s favorite people, wouldn’t their conversations be more than interesting to watch?  The results of a recent EOS poll showed that viewers want Ruth back and want her back now.  Further proof that EOS readers are smarter than TIIC at AMC. 

There was one way to avoid this whole abortion-that-wasn’t-an-abortion mishegas while still having Josh be a Kane/Martin.  Anyone else remember the Fan Fantasy episode from a few years back? That episode handed the Josh parentage storyline to the AMC writers.  Josh could be Erica and Joe’s lovechild. I would pay good money to see Ruth’s reaction to that bit of news, wouldn’t you? 

Tad probably would have paid good money to not have seen DixieBitch at David’s cabin. Michael E. Knight did a great job showing Tad’s confusion, pain and anger. DixieBitch was, well, DixieBitch, expecting Tad to understand her actions without explaining her actions to him.  It was quite a blow to her when she realized her Patron Saint of Wounded Birds act does not work with Tad any more. Or at least for now. 

I understand Tad’s feeling that both Cooney/Henry/Hunkle sisters betrayed him.  Still it angered me that he offered DixieBitch his coat but shook Di almost until her teeth fell out.   

I do not understand everyone’s belief that Adam is a terrible parent. Nor do I understand why most of PV thinks Adam is to blame for JR’s anger management issues.  I have discussed this a dozen times in the past so I will try not to belabor the point now. Except to say, who does DixieBitch think she is, telling Adam to “go upstairs and act like a father” ?   Greg’s actions may have traumatized DixieBitch, but not enough to damage her finely honed imperious attitude.  

Speaking of imperious attitudes, I did enjoy this week’s Greg/Erica scenes. They showed just how good Ian Buchanan is at playing a well-mannered SOB. They also showed how interesting Susan Lucci is when Erica is carefully parsing her words instead of having a full diva blow out.  This round of Narcissist vs. Narcissist went to Greg. The next round cannot come soon enough.         

Soon enough or not, here are this week’s non-sequiturs: 

Jack in glasses. Sigh.  

JR is a Renaissance man.  Who knew?   Artist, tramp steamer cook, musician, CEO, is there anything he cannot do?  I just hope he did not pick up any mime skills while in Paris.  One of the best things about PV: no mimes!   

Why didn’t Aidan, Erin or Ryan question why Amanda is dating Jonathan? Amanda is emotionally and intellectually mature while Jonathan is just, well, neither of those things.  

“Now take those pictures to a place where your mind doesn’t want to go.”  Trust me, Erica, none of us ever wanted to go to thoughts of your uterus yet here we are.  

“Otherwise you’d be a stone cold bitch.”  Well, Krystal, it takes one to know one, doesn’t it? 

Ryan: Can anyone trace the drug back to you?

Erica: No. 

Must have slipped Erica’s mind that the drug was delivered to her house. 

“We have to circle the wagons, pard-ner.”  Anyone else start humming the Bonanza theme when Adam said that to Tad? 

I have no problem believing a girl as smart as Lily wants to go to MIT. I do have a problem wondering why a girl as smart as Lily doesn’t realize that tuition will need to be paid.  Seems like a simple equation to me. 

“Other than the fact that a maniac is trying to control your daughter.”  Yes, Ryan, Greg is a bit of a maniac. However Greg doesn’t wear clown noses, which is a plus in my book. 

“Since when has love ever made anyone happy?”  Janet is nuts, but she does have a point.  

 During the Tad/DixieBitch scenes I kept thinking that Pine Valley must have the loudest crickets in the world. 

“Zach, I want Zach.”  Lily, I don’t know anyone who doesn’t want Zach. True, a few women in PV say they don’t want him but I don’t believe them, do you? 

“I’m not saying we all have to go to crazy town.” Why not David? We can visit the AMC writers while we are there. 

“There are no secrets here, everything is out in the open.”  Jack, have you forgotten that while some wives keep house, Erica keeps secrets? 

For once I agree with Babe. JR is way hotter than Leonardo Di Caprio. 

“He has maybe a little arrhythmia.”  Erica sounded so innocent when she said that, didn’t she?  Not “innocent” exactly but something approximating “not guilty”. 

JR to Di: We need to know if you are the right fit. 

Jamie to Di: Make us say “WOW!” 

Now they are even supplying us with dialogue for our private AMC porn movies. 

Will we this week’s spoilers have us experiencing a little arrhythmia of our own? Let’s see: 

Maybe PV should just skip Mother’s Day this year: 
 

Josh rescues DixieBitch from the crate. 

Why exactly is Josh hanging out at the international cargo dock at the airport? First, Josh sweetly convinces parents to agree to surgery. Now he is rescuing (bitch) damsels in distress at the airport. We get the point already. You want us to like Josh, you really do. 

Josh takes DixieBitch back to the casino. They have drinks at the bar. 

Yep, that’s exactly what I would do if I wanted to keep my presence in town low key.   

David steers JR in the right direction to see DixieBitch. 

He sets JR’s GPS system to give him directions to the casino and only the casino? 

JR is stunned, surprised and shocked to see his mother drinking with Josh. 

I am surprised, too, JR. I didn’t even know they knew each other. Will DixieBitch be drinking seltzer or has she forgotten she has only one kidney? 

JR assumes that DixieBitch stayed away because she had amnesia. 

Hey, in Pine Valley that’s a perfectly logical assumption. 

DixieBitch tells JR she has been amnesia free. She refuses to give any explanation for letting her son believe she was dead. 

With this news, JR might have set the PV record for mourning dead loved ones who weren’t really dead.  Is it any wonder the kid is a little messed up? 

JR says that the mother he loved is dead. DixieBitch is upset when JR does not believe she loves him. 

Nice to see that the Patron Saint of Wounded Birds act isn’t working with JR, either. 

JR starts drinking again. 

“Hey, mom-who-is-dead-to-me, mind if I raid your mini-bar?” 

While his family worries about him, JR heads to the Fusion roof. 

Why is that door never locked?  Since it isn’t, you would think burglars would be hitting Fusion every night to load up on computers and lip gloss. 

Erin is also on the roof. She is a little surprised when JR kisses her. 

 JR, step away from the Lavery chick. For the love of your IQ step away NOW. 

The usual suspects, Adam, Brooke, Tad, Di, Krystal and Babe, snipe at each other while worrying about JR. 

Ahh, the family that snipes together gets front burner time together. 

Josh tells Jamie the truth about DixieBitch.  

It’s not easy to hear that news from the cousin you don’t know is your cousin. Damn, I love soaps. 

When JR returns home he pretends that DixieBitch is just another inconsequential return from the dead. Babe tries to get JR to acknowledge his pain. 

“C’mon JR this is way worse than when I let you think our son was dead.” 

DixieBitch does not give Jamie any answers to his questions, either. 

“Why not DixieBitch? You know you love me more than you love JR. Everybody does.” 

JR recalls his conversations with Janet. If she was right about DixieBitch could she also be right about Babe? 

Sometimes, JR, the people that seem the most crazy are the only ones speaking the truth. Now go apologize to Janet for doubting her.  

Brooke is furious with Di for keeping the secret that has caused so much pain. 

No matter how furious Brooke is I bet she doesn’t shake Di. Shooting her in the back is something else altogether. 

After they talk, Brooke starts to believe that Di really does love Tad, JR and Jamie. 

I cannot believe Brooke was in three spoilers this week! Count’em, three! 

It’s maddening how this Maddening plot goes on and on. 

Greg insists that he and Erica are soul mates. 

You know, Greg, you need a soul before you can be someone’s soul mate. 

Zach finds Kendall. 

If she slams the door in his face, I am done with her. Absolutely, positively done. 

Kendall has been getting the creepy vibes at the island. Turns out all the visitors are young pregnant women whose pregnancies have been emotionally draining. 

I guess there’s a reason it’s called Incubator Island.  

Zach takes Kendall to a private place where they can talk. Zach tells Kendall that he was wrong about causing the blackout. He hopes she can forgive him. 

If Kendall does not forgive him, I am done with her. Absolutely, positively done. 

Greg arrives to oversee things at his ReGeneration Spa. 

Where all the women are carrying his child?  Hey, it’s better than all of them carrying Ryan’s child. 

Just as Erica is about to tell Josh the truth, Ryan tells her that Zach has found Kendall. 

Whoa, that was close. Erica almost told Josh the truth before May Sweeps started. 

Ryan asks Erica why she hasn’t told Jack the truth about Josh. Erica replies that she’s afraid about Jack’s reaction. 

Oh well we wouldn’t want that. Jack might decide to do something crazy like poison Greg. 

The Josh secret isn’t the only thing threatening Jack and Erica’s marriage. 

Erica and Jack have another fight about Jonathan. 

Jack: He is too old for her. Plus he has a history of violence.

Erica: But he’s a Lavery, Jack.

Jack: If you love the Lavery so damn much why didn’t you marry one of them instead of putting me through this hell? 

Jack and Ryan find Lily and Jonathan in the same bed. It’s OK though because Lily is under the covers and Jonathan is on top of the covers. 

I think that little cover detail isn’t going to matter much to Jack, or to me, either. 

Turns out Lily wanted to see whether or not spending the night with Jonathan would upset her. 

Please, please, please let Jonathan have the loudest snoring in the history of the world. Please. 

Here’s to another week in the Valley!