For the Week of June 9, 2008



“Old coot.”

Just when it was safe to put away the tissues, Palmer shows up to comfort Opal. What a beautiful scene. James Mitchell’s expression was exquisite. His face reflected all the sorrow and loss that Palmer has experienced over the years. Jill Larson’s performance was also touching. Far too often, AMC uses Opal solely as comic relief. In the comedic scenes, Ms. Larson often plays against the script by showing us Opal’s vulnerability. What a delight to watch a scene where Ms. Larson was given a chance to go full out, in a quiet way, in showing Opal’s pain as she anticipated losing yet another child. James Mitchell and Jill Larson are two of AMC’s best actors. Their scene only had three words, yet it was one of the more emotionally complex in recent memory on this or any other show.

Over the past few weeks it has been my joy and relief to begin my columns with the wonderfulness of AMC. I love the show. Trust me on this, I would not have written a few hundred columns about a show I hate. For me, to criticize is not the same as to hate. My critical remarks come from the desire to see AMC be the best that it can be.

Which is why, despite all the wonderfulness we have seen over the past month, I must ask the question: Is it possible to have an AMC induced stroke?

For much of the past week, I was concerned that either I would stroke out or my head would explode.

Pine Valley should be placed under quarantine due to its toxic levels of hypocrisy.

On May 12th I said that Krystal might be on her way to semi-redemption. I could not have been more wrong.

“What is wrong with you, Adam? That is JR’s sister.” Yes, Krystal and Lil’A is JR’s not dead son.

“No, no, you can’t forgive Adam.” Good point, Krystal. After all, it is not as if everyone in Pine Valley, save Erica, forgave you for your child snatching ways. (This proves that it is possible to use “Krystal” and “snatching” in a G-rated sentence.)

“He lied to me, he lied to you, he lied to everyone” Exactly how does this make Adam different from you, Krystal? This question is not as easy as it seems because your answer cannot include the word “evil.”

“Name one thing human about keeping your daughter from you.”  You first, Krystal, name one human thing about keeping Miranda from Bianca and keeping Jenny from Tad. You get bonus points if you name one human thing about lying about Lil’A being dead. (Even after Adam begged you to tell the truth, so his family could mourn the loss.)

I despise Krystal more now than when she committed those heinous acts.

I don’t think this was the writers’ intent, do you?

Clearly, we are supposed to view the Careys as good women who have had some rough times. True most of those rough times involved Krystal being run out of town by her current paramour’s wife, but I digress. 

Trouble is, I have a difficult time seeing women who intentionally inflicted rough times on others as good. Crazy, I know.

Bobbie Eakes could make Krystal’s slow road to semi-redemption interesting and believable. What a waste that the writers have not seized the opportunity and run with it.

Instead, they have chosen to put Krystal in a storyline where every sentence out of her mouth is hypocritical to the nth degree. This has catapulted Krystal’s character back to square one.

Instead of making the Careys good women who have had some rough times, AMC should have made them rough women who have had some good times. The Careys would have been more interesting as well as less rage inducing.

Awkward segue.

Tad offering his hand to Adam was touching. It would have been more touching if Tad had not blamed Adam for much, if not all, of his own bad behavior.  

Ironically enough, Adam “EVIL” Chandler could have avoided being emotionally tarred and feathered by behaving more like Tad “HERO” Martin. During the Mirabess mess, Tad played fast and loose about what he and when he knew it. Adam could have done the same here. Pine Valley’s best cunning linguist could have evaded the truth quite handily. Instead, when asked, Adam admitted what he had done.

I used to like Tad, really I did. I could have liked Tad again if only his comments about Adam having guts had gone something like this:

“I’m very glad you had the guts to do the right thing. I wish I had had enough guts to refuse to help Krystal cover-up Babe’s existing marriage. Enough guts to go Bianca the minute I knew Bess was Miranda. Enough guts to tell my longtime friend Erica that I was complicit in keeping the Mirabess secret. I wish I had had enough guts and class to not taunt you about my affair with your wife. And I wish I had had enough guts to admit to burying Madden before Zach and Dixie stood trial for his murder. I wish I had enough guts to let the people I love see who I really am.”

Sigh.  Megan McTavish caused a lot of damage, not the least of which was destroying Tad. Am I naïve in thinking someone will come along to fix the sorry mess she left behind?  I hate rhetorical questions.

Kendall, Zach, Ryan and Greenlee consumed much of last week. It is difficult to talk about them because I don’t recognize most of them.  Kendall used to have moxie, now all she has is bouts of hysteria. When Zach used to say “Only you. Only me. Only us” it had meaning. It defined Zach and Kendall. It reassured them both that they were stronger together than apart. The phrase remains the same but has this implicit meaning “Only you. Only me. Only us. Only Greenlee because we both hurt her. Only Greenlee because you cannot stop obsessing about her. Only Greenlee because we both love her. Only Greenlee because she taught me about forgiveness.” All soap marriages encounter a plethora of things that threaten their union. Und erstood. However, it is a pity that the best the writers could come up with for the Slaters was Greenlee. The original Greenlee (the way Greenlee was before she hooked up with Ryan) was intelligent, tough, and sometimes vulnerable. She owned who she was (“I’m a bitch. That’s what I do.”). The current Greenlee is really none of those things. She manipulates by playing the victim. That behavior is both weak and uninteresting. I don’t recognize  Ryan because, wait, I do recognize Ryan. That’s a surprising relief. I also recognize Cameron’s efforts to make Ryan less of an ass than the script dictates.

What else. Wh else.

Josh bringing the birthday cake was adorable. Everything Josh does is adorable. (Soon Josh is going to do something not very adorable which is why I am reveling in his current adorable-ness.)

“If you nitwits would shut up and listen.” Oh, Adam when will you learn that nitwits, especially those named Martin, never listen?

“And I will always love them and look over them.” Funny how Tad’s list included everyone but Krystal. Was Krystal even mentioned during his little Dixie trip?

“I think it’s time Greenlee gets a break.” I agree, Ryan, especially if her neck is what breaks.

“I’d lose everything. Everyone I ever loved.” You would not lose me, Adam, not me. Oh wait, Adam said everyone he loves, not everyone I love. What can I say? I love bad boys, especially bad boys who admit to doing bad things.

“I love him but I think he might have peed on me.” Josh, you have to admit that having Ian pee on you is a far cry from JR peeing on your shoes.

Is Julia’s body a-moldering in the morgue?

“That was your mom’s dying wish.” No it wasn’t. Dixie’s dying wish was that Tad know that Krystal was carrying his child, not Adam’s.

Adam’s tears watching Tad and Kathy was a quicktears moment for me.

I am feeling a bit sorry for Kathy. Soon she will be Martinized.

“You’ve finally found the perfect excuse to be miserable forever.” Who would have guessed that Aidan could be so perceptive?

“I know Kathy’s going to be hurt by losing Julia but she’s still lucky to have you for a father. Yep, she be will lucky until you decide to lie about one of her children being dead.” Well, that’s what I heard JR say. In my head.

“I did what I did out of love.” Sorry, Adam, that explanation only works if you are a Martin or a Carey.

“Tad Martin is my father.” JR sure can pick’em, can’t he?

“I want you to turn me back into a hooker.” Wouldn’t that sentence have made more sense?

“The family still doesn’t know, do they? About you wife.” Zach knows all. Zach sees all. Except when it comes to Greenlee.

“Hayley lives in California.” True enough, Tad, but she moved because “The Wave” was about to be syndicated, not because she hated Adam. In fact, Adam and Hayley had a very touching goodbye scene.

“Saint Greenlee can do no wrong.” Sad, but true, Kendall. Sad,but true.

“It’s time. I’ve got to talk to Kathy. My daughter deserves some answers.” As far as I know, Tad, the only question Kathy has been asking is “Where’s Aunt Julia?” not who “Who were my birth parents?” Maybe you should consider the fact that for Kathy changing parents may not be the same as changing purses.

“Maybe I’ll take up knitting.” A nice nod to one of Rebecca’s passions.

“Adam uses children to get what he wants.” The irony of JR saying that to Babe was priceless.

“You know, Colby doesn’t know about this…” I am glad someone was thinking about Colby because her brother sure wasn’t.

“That man should be in the ground.” Well, Babe, if you want some burying tips just ask Tad.

“Oh, what is she alive again?” In Pine Valley, this question makes perfect sense. That is one of the reasons I love the Valley.

“Prison becomes you. Erica. You look more beautiful than ever.” Oh, Adam, you sure know how to make an incarcerated felon blush.

Babe looked jaunty working the park, didn’t she? Almost like she had song playing in her head—“I’m back in the saddle again. Oh, I’m back in the saddle again.”

 Will this week’s spoilers give us the perfect excuse to watch or not? Let’s see:

Dixie’s ghost leaves the Valley. She takes her designer wardrobe with her.

Tad and Dixie take a little romantic trip.

Dixie is really racking up frequent flyer miles, isn’t she? Maybe being a ghost isn’t such a bad gig after all.

Dixie tells Tad that she is at peace. She also tells Tad that he will find love again.

Once again, notice how Krystal’s name never comes up in these conversations.

Adam answers his front door. Surprise! It’s Krystal!

I am not surprised. Krystal undoubtedly noticed her pointed absence from Tad and Dixie’s conversations, too.

Tad tells Kathy that he is her father.

Well, jiggies, Kate, umm, Kathy, see it’s like this, parents are just like purses…”

Kathy is distraught over Julia’s death. Adam is the only one who can console her.

I cannot wait for the day when Kathy says to Tad, “I am tied to because of DNA but Adam Chandler is my true father,” how about you?

Hard to believe but all things involving Kendall, Greenlee, Zach, Ryan and Aidan get messier. And messier. Zach is all excited until he realizes this does not mean Mark Messier is headed for the Valley.

Turns out it was Josh who spent the night in Greenlee’s bed. Greens informs it will never happen again. Josh is relieved.

(This is the “something unadorable” that Josh does.)OK, so the last part isn’t true. Still, the farther away Josh gets from this group the better. (Hey, Josh, Amanda is unattached these days. And she owns a yacht. Just saying.)

Kendall and Greenlee decide to play tennis. Just like the viewers, they realize this doesn’t make sense but they go ahead and play anyway.

Personally, I think they should avoid any sport that involves the word “love” but then what do I know.

Kendall makes a smashing serve. So smashing that it smashes Greenlee right in the eye.  

This could serve as the inspiration for Fusion’s new concealer, “Set. Point. Match…your skin color beautifully.”

Greenlee has Kendall charged with assault. Zach agrees to testify for Greenlee.

OK, so the last part isn’t true, but come on will you really be surprised if that is what happens?

Zach tells Aidan that he is not good enough for Greens. In addition, Zach strongly advises him to stay away from both Greenlee and Kendall. Aidan quits his job at Cambias.

And that’s what happens when Spotted Dick is served to the wrong person.

Don’t ask for whom the bell tolls, Richie, it tolls for thee.

JR comes to Babe’s rescue.

And somehow he will wind up apologizing to Babe for it.

Treena, Babe’s new BFF, tells JR and Babe that Richie really did set up JR.  

In addition, Treena thanks Babe for the advice on improving her job performance.  “I never thought to check the driver’s license.”

JR holds Richie hostage. JR beats Richie up. JR tries to get Richie to confess his many crimes. Richie foils JR’s plans by going into convulsions.

“Damn, I knew I should have asked Tad (my real father) about burying Richie alive to make him confess. I mean really, what are the odds of another earthquake happening in PV?”

JR tells Angie, Babe, and Jesse that Richie stole his bone marrow.

“Are you sure, JR, are you completely sure that you weren’t just hung over?”

Zach figures out that Richie was the hit and run driver.

But really, Zach, was that such a bad thing? After all, the accident’s aftermath gave Greenlee the chance to teach you about forgiveness.

Zach foils Richie’s attempt to escape from the hospital.

I warned you, Richie, don’t ask for whom the bell tolls…

Other stuff happens, too.

Sam Woods asks Jesse to become PV’s Chief of Police. Angie hopes Jesse turns the offer down.

Only in PV would someone who has been off the force and out of town for TWENTY years be considered a prime candidate for Police Chief. I know this is a silly question, but what about Derek?

Annie continues her fantasy about having Ryan’s baby. She begins the fertility drug injections. Ryan finds a syringe and wants an explanation.

“Oh, Ryan, of course you don’t remember that I am diabetic. That amnesia sure is troublesome, isn’t it?”

Replaced at her old job, Erica decides to start a new show “New Beginnings: Behind Bars.”

Call me crazy, but wouldn’t “New Beginnings: Women in Chains” get higher ratings?

(Wouldn’t it be wonderful if it turned if Brooke was Erica’s replacement on the original NB? Sigh.)

Here’s to another week in the Valley!

Kate's AMC Spoiler Archives For 2008

May 26, 2008

May 19, 2008

May 12, 2008

May 2, 2008

April 28, 2008

April 21, 2008

March 31, 2008

March 24, 2008

March 17, 2008

February 25, 2008

February 18, 2008

February 11, 2008

February 4, 2008

January 28, 2008

January 21, 2008

January 14, 2008

January 7, 2008


Kate's AMC Spoiler Archives For 2007