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For the week of May 29, 2006

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What happened on AMC this past week?  Eden Riegel returned to AMC to bring out the best in her fellow actors. Bianca returned to Pine Valley to remind everyone that she is a better person than they are. I love Binks but it does always seem to come down to that, doesn’t it? Jack’s hair returned to its natural color. Babe straightened her hair. Greg wore pajamas that matched his hotel room’s wallpaper.  Tad didn’t catch a 24-hour flu but he did catch a 24-hour accent.  In a surprise move, Stuart and Erin beat out Jonathan and Lily as the most annoying characters of the week. 

This coming week will Greg change his pajamas? Will Babe curl her hair?  Now that Jack’s hair has returned to its roots will Jack’s personality do the same?  (Writing him as a borderlinepsychocontrolfreak just shows that the writers don’t know jack about Jack.) 

Let’s see: 

It’s all happening at the zoo that is PVH: 

Ryan convinces Zach that he has changed his mind. Ryan will honor Kendall’s wishes about Spike.  

To name the baby Spike?  To never, ever make Spike wear a clown nose?  

Erica shares what’s in her heart with Kendall. 

“Oh, Kendall I need you to come out of this coma, I really do. The ratings for New Beginnings (did you know I had a new show?) are circling the drain. I know they would rebound if I had a recovered coma patient on my show. A recovered coma patient who was my very own daughter. Come on Kendall, after all I have done for you can’t you do this one little thing for your mother?” 

Kendall’s condition worsens. She has another out-of-body experience. 

Is too much to hope she keeps her mouth shut during this one? 

The doctors suddenly decide it’s OK to do the C-section. 

“ Why is it OK now, Joe, when it wasn’t OK 15 minutes ago?” “ It’s the silliest thing, Erica, I just now looked at Kendall’s chart and saw that she got pregnant on September 20^th. My bad.” 

Spike is delivered and sees his father, Ryan, for the first time. 

Fortunately for Spike, clown noses are not allowed in the neonatal unit. 

Zach is arrested and hauled off to jail.  

Of course he is. He is not a Lavery nor a Kane nor a Martin. 

The treatment doesn’t work and Kendall’s condition worsens. 

Does “condition worsens” also mean “too sick to talk to herself”? Please? 

Zach has a nightmare about Kendall. He wakes up determined to be by his wife’s side. 

Could he convince the DA to let him go to PVH if he is handcuffed to Stuart? On the way over to the hospital he and Stuart can swap Cooter stories. 

Putting her hatred aside, Erica begs Greg to save Kendall. Greg says he could save Kendall but he won’t. 

Given their history why would she trust Greg to go within 10 feet of her daughter? Why am I looking for sense in a story that has none? 

Greg’s story extends beyond PVH. 

Greg decides he needs to leave town. He wants Josh to go with him. 

Josh? What about Hazel? What’s going on with Hazel? Has she been to Regeneration? Does she know about Greg’s nefarious doings? Again I ask, what about Hazel, dammit? 

Greg decides Amanda should be his traveling partner. 

“Now, Amanda, don’t forget to pack your “I’m a surrogate” panties.” 

Jamie and Julia decide they need to protect Amanda from Greg. 

OK, first they need to hide Amanda’s “I’m a surrogate” panties. 

Greg relents. He tells Tad that Kate was adopted by a family named Brewster in Maine. 

Or was it a family in Brewster, Maine?  

Tad heads off for Maine, reluctantly allowing DixieBitch to accompany him. 

“You know, Tad, this isn’t just about you. It’s about me letting you know it isn’t just about you.” 

Turns out Greg lied. The directions he gave Tad have lead them deep into the wilds of Maine. 

Their first clue should have been “Take a left on Stephen King Lane and go the end of the road. All the way to the end.”  

Tad lights a fire hoping to attract rescuers. 

I don’t know about rescuers, but this time of year in Maine he is certain to attract huge, I mean HUGE, black flies. Oh, and mosquitoes. That should be fun. 

Other things happen, too. 

JR agrees to plead guilty.  He also offers to divorce Babe and give her custody of Lil’A. 

Babe already has custody of JR’s testicles, why not Lil’A, too? 

Babe demands that David tell her the truth. 

It’s the same old song with them isn’t it? 

Jonathan’s headaches get worse. 

Bottle of Tylenol:   $4.99 

Co-pay for an MRI: $35.00 

Diagnosis of a fatal subdural hematoma? Priceless. 

Oh, those AMC actors: 

At long last Jamal Cudahy is returning to Pine Valley. He will be played by Marcus Patrick. Hopefully this will mean at least one scene with his father Tom.  (Jamal’s birth parents were Alec McIntyre and Janine Wilson. Janine died and Alec relinquished his parental rights. This allowed Tom to adopt Jamal.)

TPTB plan for Jamal to be part of a triangle with Aidan and Erin.  I certainly hope so because Aidan would be far more interesting with a Cudahy than a Lavery. 

Here’s to another week in the Valley,