April 20, 2007

Taking a stroll through Port Chuckles...

Normally I pick AMC to death, but today I decided to pick apart GH.  Why?  Because they are making it oh so easy to do!

Let's start with Robin.  HELLOOOO?!  When are those Scorpio-Devane genes finally going to kick in?!  You are the progeny of not one, but TWO super-spy parents!  You give either one of them five minutes and they would have already found a way out of the mess you are currently embroiled in - AND they'd have Craig hanging by his pinky-toes over a cliff until he told them everything they wanted to know - and thensome!!  You grew up watching your parents use their considerable skills and finely honed instincts--- did none of that rub off on you?  I repeat, your parents are SUPER-SPIES with virtually infinite resources worldwide - USE THEM!!!! 

I mean, seriously!  You have all that free time away from Craig, at the hospital, how hard is it to pick up a phone, dial Mums or Pops and say "I've got myself in a bit of a mess. little help here." ????!!!!!eleventy!!!11 

(Even if TPTB don't want to shell out the bucks, or take valuable screen time away from their favorite characters to give to Robert and Anna, they could simply show just Robin's side of the conversation on the phone, for crying out loud!)

Are we supposed to believe that:  # 1)  Neither Robert or Anna would deign to haul ass back to PC when they heard about Robin being taken hostage at the Metro-Court AND being shot / almost dying?  And # 2) That they ever existed in the first place?  Even those who weren't watching "back in the day" could tell, from their brilliant but fleeting appearances last year, how MUCH Robert and Anna love their daughter and that they would do virtually anything, climb any mountain, brave any danger (*cue dramatic music*) to make sure Robin is protected.  This entire storyline BITES.  It's pure stupidity and we - the fans - deserve better!

Now, onto Sonny and Carly (again?!).  Please, please, please stop the madness.  Now.  No long, drawn-out, angsty scenes as the paperwork for their divorce is filed.  No looking back.  No wondering if's.  No more waffling on the part of the woman who was more than ready to let Sonny go ages ago.  Just let it go.  It died a long time ago.  Let it go, and let them GROW!! 

Scotty Baldwin:  They couldn't think of anything else for him to do than to try and gain custody of a woman he hasn't been married to for EVER?! ( Just to re-start the Baldwin-Spencer hate-fest all over again? )   With  two sons, a daughter and a Mother (all of legal age) why, in the name of all that is good and decent on this earth, would they expect anyone (least of all the fans) to give any consideration to the notion of Scotty taking legal guardianship over Laura?!  No judge would any more than any one of us fans.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.   And THEN they had to go and make him a murderer?!   WTF?!  Now, I love Smarmy-Scotty just as much as the next girl, but Murderer-Scotty?  No.  Not feeling it.  Not liking Stalker-Scotty either.  His fascination with Lulu is in no way endearing at all; in fact, it's downright creepy.   Also, have they forgotten that Scotty has a daughter of his own?  Where the hell IS Serena?  Why has there been no mention of her whatsoever?  Bobbie, for one, definitely would have asked about her.  Well, if the writers gave us any credit at all, I mean.

Speaking of Scotty, if Logan is NOT his son, then let's get on with whoever the heck it is.  And if, by some miracle Logan is NOT his son, then MAN!  They really missed the boat with the casting on this one.  That boy is every inch a young Scott Baldwin.  He looks like him, he sounds like him, his mannerisms are so similar, it's almost eery.  Dunno who his Momma would be, if he's Scotty's son, though.  Probably some woman we never heard of.  He's too young to have been Susan Moore's, or Laura's.  Though it would have been interesting if he'd ended up being Susan Moore's - that would give one of their favorites - Jason - a brand spankin' new brother.  As it stands, though,  I'm almost afraid to see what they'll come up with to explain where he came from.

Liz/Lucky/Jason:   There better be a huge payoff coming up for the fans in this.  They completely destroyed Elizabeth's character by having her lie to Lucky about the baby's paternity.  This puts her on a par with those lying, baby-stealing Carey chicks from Pine Valley.  The only difference is that the real father actually KNOWS he's the father.  He's trusting that Liz actually knows what's best for the baby and this makes her look ten-times worse than Maxie - and THAT?  Is saying a lot.  At least Maxie is up front about what a perfect biotch, and imperfect human being she is. 

Sam McCall:   ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  We should care that her life is about to be blown to kingdom come.  Anyone care?  Anyone?  Bueller?  Nope, didn't think so.  For one thing, it's taken too long to build up to the inevitable.  For another, what likeability Sam had went out the window when TPTB turned her into a pale, pathetic, needy, obsessive, insecure, shrieking, catty, annoying shrew who slept with Ric lansing to get back at both Jason and Alexis for their perceived wrongs against her and then made it seem like it was all Ric's idea!   What was my point again?  Oh yes, we'd have to like and care about her in order to be concerned about the turn her life is about to take.  She could have come clean to Jason, of all people, about her past.  We all know he wouldn't have judged her.   Hell, he knows about some of the other stuff she's done in the past and he didn't hold those things against her.  It's just too stupid for words.

Now that I'm thoroughly disgusted by thinking about all of this, I'm headed to the bar, and then straight to the shower - I feel so dirty.


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