AMC Spoiler Commentary by Kate Brown

For the week of June 12, 2006

Del recovers from being drugged by Greg. If 24’s Jack can have an endless supply of C-4 explosive, what’s so odd about Greg having an endless supply of doped water and narcotic filled syringes? Erica suffered the ultimate humiliation of being found by Babe while sleeping it off on a park bench. We were deprived of Miranda, who is now the only reason to be happy when Bianca returns. Everyone disappeared overnight. Surprisingly none of them had sex with each other, although the jury is still out on Jamie and JR. Before facing the judge, JR apologized to everyone, including Krystal, which leads me to wonder why he is going to jail instead of Oakhaven. We still did not learn what happened to Hazel. We were deprived of Janet, who is one of the very few reasons to be happy while watching AMC. We saw that even without sparkles Amanda is a pretty girl. TPTB have given Amanda a new bikini, when will they give her a new storyline? We learned that all disguised voices sound alike. AMC’s mysterious voice sounded disturbingly like the Slasher’s voice on Nip/Tuck. (I really do watch too much TV). The most surprising thing this week? Julia and Jamie taking home the most redeemed couple award.

Will anything surprising happen this week? Let’s see:

Justice is not blind in PV, it’s whimsical.

DixieBitch pleads with Babe to do anything necessary to keep JR from going to jail.

Unfortunately Babe replies, “I’m sorry DixieBitch. During my third wedding to JR I vowed to stop giving BJs to strangers and I don’t know the judge.

At the courthouse Babe begs JR to change his plea to not guilty. Babe explains to JR that since he apologized for his actions, there is no need for prison.

From Babe’s point of view that makes total sense. She apologized for taking Mirabess and she never went to jail. However, Kendall’s view might be a bit different than Babe’s.

Babe testifies that she was wrong about JR causing the accident at Fusion.

Because JR would not forgive adultery but he will forgive perjury.

The prosecution has a surprise witness, it’s Kendall. She testifies that JR confessed to her while she was in a coma.

With all the jabbering she did while unconscious, I am surprised Kendall heard the confession.

The judge dismisses Kendall’s testimony. Why? For the silly reason that Kendall was in a coma at the time.

And it is a silly reason since JR was arrested simply because Babe said he did it. I hope the prosecution protests the judge’s ruling by saying, “Your Honor, did the younger Mrs. Chandler perform oral sex on you? Is that why you rendered such a ludicrous decision?” The gavel slams. “Out of order. Mrs. Chandler the Younger, I need to see you in my chambers immediately.”

Kendall vows to make Babe pay for perjuring herself.

That’s a little harsh. It’s not like Kendall or Spike died or anything. Clearly Kendall has forgotten that “Babe is love.”

DixieBitch pleads with Zach not to seek revenge against JR.

“ Zach, it’s not like Kendall died. Anyway Zach this isn’t about you, it’s about me needing JR to help me find Kate.”

Kendall explains to Simone and Dani why she needs their help in removing Babe from Fusion.

When did Dani become a stockholder?

Meanwhile, will the honeymooners’ happiness be short lived?

His doctor informs Jonathan that his MRI results are good.

The doctor and I probably have differing opinions on what “good” means. For me, a good MRI would show that Jonathan’s tumor has grown back.

Jonathan tells Erin that all his brain damage is suddenly gone.

Who knew a strong blow to the head would turn out to be a ridiculous medical miracle? AMC viewers, that’s who.

Jonathan tells his sister to keep the good news a secret. Jonathan will still pretend to have brain damage because he doesn’t want to hurt Lily.

Yes, it’s sweet in a demented sort of way. Still I wish Jonathan had decided a little sooner to not hurt Lily. How? For starters by not teaching her the fine art of lying to her family.

Other stuff happens, too. (Don’t be afraid; none of it involves sex scenes featuring Julie and Jamie. Or Aidan and Erin. Or Lily and Jonathan.)

Jeff arrives in town. He tells Erica that he is going to deal with Josh in his own way.

I would love for Jeff to accidentally let Jack know about Josh. Why wouldn’t Jeff assume that Jack already knew? After all, Jack is Erica’s husband. After all it’s not like Erica kept anything important from Jeff while they were married, except, of course, for the abortion.

Tad lets Erica know that his problem, a missing daughter, is more important to him than her crisis, a returned ex-husband.

And thus Tad is quickly demoted from Erica’s A-list to her D-list.

Here’s to another week in the Valley.