AMC Spoiler Commentary by Kate Brown

Kate Brown is taking some time off to tend to personal issue. She will be back with her wonderful AMC Spoiler Commentary at a later date. Meanwhile, The Media Ho will be writing our spoiler commentary column.

For the week of June 31, 2006

Greetings, all!

I'm taking a stab at the spoiler commentary while Kate tends to some personal business...while it certainly won't be the same, I hope you enjoy what you're about to read!
-- The Media Ho

Monday July 31
Tad, Erica, Jeff, J.R. and Krystal learn that Josh and Babe's plane went down over the ocean
Josh has a plane? He knows how to fly? Quite the busy little beaver, going from med school to Wall Street to executive producing "New Beginnings" and then practicing medicine at PVH. Makes one wonder when he had time to get his pilot's license.

Jamie and Joe disagree about Josh
There's a real Sunday surprise. When have they not disagreed about Josh? Oh, maybe Jamie's worried that Joe is going to put him in the will.

Livia explains that testimony from Jonathan and Lily would not hold up
Livia! You've been removed from the opening credits, but here you are, helping out your pal, Jackson. Wonder if you'll notice your adopted son, Jamal, is back in the Valley?

Jack urges Jonathan to tell Lily the truth
"The truth? Lily can't handle the truth!" (With apologies to A Few Good Men.)

Tuesday August 1
J.R. wonders why it took a tragedy to bring him together with Tad, Dixie and Jamie
Just the one tragedy, J.R.?

Jeff blames himself for not telling Josh sooner
Oh, really, Jeff. You talk a good game, but Erica can still yank your chain. Get over yourself.

Dixie tells Tad she may have found a photo of Kate
"Let's see, the girl in this picture has your cleft chin, but the girl in the other picture has the Cooney nose. Then again, here's a little girl with that special Martin grin. So, yes, I MAY have found a photo of Kate, but I'm really talking out of my butt."

Livia tries to talk Jack out of having Lily declared incompetent
No matter what it is that Livia is talking about, as long as she's got screen time, I'm happy. I bet when Jackson leaves the room, she shakes her head and says, "Asshole." And I bet she's been doing that for years.

Wednesday August 2
Derek arrests Dixie for Greg's murder
Woo-hoo! How long do you think it'll take one of the other inmates to choose her for her bitch?

Zach charms Kendall
As well he should, considering all the time he's been spending with Dixie.

Derek arrests Zach for Greg's murder
In this case, I would be very unhappy if one of the other inmates chooses Zach as his bitch. You'd best come up with a lot more charm, Mr. Slater.

Josh and Babe end up on a rocky island
The same one that Uncle Pork Chop (Trevor) and Natalie ended up on? Hey, if the island's rockin', don't come a-knockin'!

J.R., Jamie and Julia try to find Babe and Josh
Oh, no, the Scoobies have morphed outta Port Charles and into Pine Valley! Granted, for Scoobies, they're a bit long in the tooth, but, whatever.

Aidan confronts Erin and Annie
"THIS is what you dumped me for? Was I THAT bad in the feathers?"

Colby and Sydney's friendship cools
Sydney? Was that the frat guy she was about to do on the beach? Sydney is usually the female spelling of Sidney, so I admit, I'm puzzled. Colby wasn't making any girl friends last time I saw her.

Thursday August 3
Derek outlines his case against Zach and Dixie
I miss William Christopher (original Derek), but this recast isn't bad. Wonder how Dixie's been enjoying jail?

Zach tells Dixie he will seek revenge against J.R.
Now, Zach, you promised you wouldn't. However, I have no problem with Zach (or anyone else) seeking revenge against J.R.

Tad and Kendall find Zach comforting Dixie
Whoopsie. Not good. Will Erica run into the room screaming, "Ryan would never do this to you!"?

Kendall reaches out to Erica
"Mommy, you were right. Ryan would never, ever, be a big meanie to me. Well, except for that time when he caught me with Aidan and then left town on his motorcycle. And then there was the time Ryan married Greenlee instead of me. But Ryan would never, ever, comfort Dixie."

Babe tells Josh that Erica will embrace him as her son
Rocking him in her arms, crooning "You Are My Sunshine"?

Friday August 4
Kendall believes Zach when he insists that he did not kill Greg
Because Zach has never lied to her before.

Zach tries to reassure Dixie
"I'm sorry that only three inmates were fighting over you. You're still a knockout. Great rack, too."

Krystal and Tad try to figure out who could have killed Greg
Oh, great. How many times will the Jeopardy "think music" need to be played? Merv Griffin makes money every time you hear those notes; after this, he'll be able to buy all of Atlantic City.

Tad has shocking news for Kendall
"Remember your half-brother, Trey? He's Zach's cellmate, and they've gotten..close. JINKIES!"

Josh credits Babe with saving his life
He's never had the special Carey version of mouth-to-mouth before. A life-altering experience in SO many ways!

Jack gives Erica hope
For what, their seemingly non-existent marriage? That the son she never wanted to be born (originally because of her modeling career, now because it revived the trauma of having Kendall at 14) might have survived a plane crash? That "New Beginnings" is kicking Oprah's butt in the ratings? Oh, Jack, you big kidder!

...and to quote the fabulous Kate Brown, "Here's to another week in the Valley!"