AMC Spoiler Commentary by Kate Brown

For the week of August 21, 2006

(It is good to be back at EOS. I want to thank my readers for keeping me up-to-date on AMC while I was gone. A special thanks to The Media Ho for taking over spoiler duty, and doing a damn fine job, during my absence. As always, thank you to Katrina for keeping my spot open til I returned.)

Last week, Zach, Dixie, Ryan and Kendall discovered that pretending to have an affair requires juggling quite a few balls. Aidan discovered that having a relationship with a woman who has a personality is a lot more fun than having a relationship with Erin. Erica was quite surprised to discover that a man other than Travis finds Barbara attractive. Annie was surprised when Terry called her. Viewers weren’t, because we know Ireland has phone service. Derek is determined to find out who killed Greg Madden even though no one else, including the writers, seems to care. AMC seems determined to have the largest and least interesting group of teenagers in soapdom. If only they had been that determined to find a story for Reggie and Dani, two soap teenagers portrayed by actors who can actually, well, act. Josh remains determined to bed Babe. Erin seems determined to humiliate herself by trying to bed Josh. This week I determined that Dramamine is necessary to survive AMC’s new camera work. The “new” look gives the impression they strapped the cameras to unsuspecting puppies and let them loose on the set.

Finally, this week’s award for The Couple Who is Sexier When We Don’t See Them Having Sex goes to Jamie and Julia.

Will Dramamine be enough to get us through this week’s spoilers or will we find ourselves reaching for something stronger? Let’s see:

Cyberspace can be a scary place indeed.

Lily continues her cyber search for the perfect mate.

I am searching my brain for memories of when Lily was an interesting character.

Unbeknownst to Lily, her new cyber-pal is her old pal from NYC, Terry-the-pervy-plot-device.

Will Lily fall into Terry’s Web of lies? Will Terry catch Lily in his Net?

Realizing Ryan is trying to lure Terry to PV, Jonathan worries about Lily’s safety.

Will Jonathan save Lily? Will everyone blame Jackson for Lily’s most recent bad idea? If I agree to have “Jonathan is a hero” tattooed on my forehead will the ridiculous Jonathan propping/Jackson bashing end?

Babe and Josh head out of town on business, as in Fusion business, not monkey business.

Babe gets drunk while trying to convince a rock star to license his song to Fusion.

Once again Babe shows her finely honed business skills. I wonder, will she ask to see his driver’s license before sealing the deal?

Babe and Josh shower together.

Don’t worry; as Babe herself has said, she is married. To Babe being married means not having sex with any man other than her husband. Except for those times when she has sex with men who are not her husband.

Josh and Babe’s friendship grows stronger.

Understandable. In my experience nothing strengthens a friendship like scrubbing each other’s back in the shower.

Jeff and Erica ask Babe to intercede with Josh on their behalf.

This is one situation that could quickly get out of control. Fortunately, Jeff patiently explains to Babe that “intercede” does not mean “have sex .”

Kidnapping. Murder. Alibi by way of faux adultery. This should have been interesting.

Derek lets Kendall know he has his suspicions about Zach’s alibi. Kendall and Ryan step up their emoting to convince Derek he is wrong.

I would love it if Derek stood there watching them, arms crossed and said, “What a lot of sound and fury signifying nothing.”

Dixie is shocked and appalled by the depth of Tad’s fury towards her.

Now there’s some fury signifying something.

Tad’s white hot anger jeopardizes Zach and Dixie’s alibi.

That’s a pity and a surprise. After all, it was such a carefully crafted alibi. “I could not have killed Greg because I was busy letting Zach do me.” “I couldn’t have killed Greg because I was busy doing Dixie.”

Zach tells Kendall that he loves her and only her.

I am not sure that would be enough for me. I am surprised it is enough for Kendall.

Kendall tells Dixie that she will never succeed in stealing her husband. Why? Because Zach loves his wife.

I think it’s time Kendall had a little chat with Brooke, don’t you? Oh, and then maybe Kendall should give Hayley a call. (True, Hayley and Brian were not married but still…)

David dreams about getting revenge on Dixie.

David. David. David. There are better things you could dream about. For example, you could be dreaming about spending time with me.

David finds a photo in Dixie’s room that looks just like the little girl (Emma) he met in the park. Imagine that! Plans for perfect revenge start percolating in David’s brain.

Oh, what could it be? Let’s guess. David convinces Dixie that Emma is Kate. Dixie is overwhelmed with emotion as she is reunited with her daughter. David laughs with glee as he informs Dixie that she is a fool, that Emma is not Kate, she is merely Emma. To prove to Dixie that she has been duped, he arranges for a DNA test. To everyone’s, save the viewers’, surprise it turns out Emma really is Kate and not Emma at all. During all this, Tad and David have several heated confrontations which cause their testosterone levels and other things to rise. In a related story, David runs into Krystal at the DNA lab. What is Krystal doing there? Trying to find out if her baby’s father is Tad, Adam or a player to be named later. Sure, you laugh now..

JR finds David going through Dixie’s dresser drawers.

“I’m sorry, Junior, I know you think you are the only one who can paw through your mother’s lingerie.” “Actually, Hayward, I only did that when I thought Di was my mother. Damn, Di is hot.” “For once, Junior, we agree on something.”

Oh those AMC actors:

Bianca is headed back to PV and this time Eden Riegel has a signed contract in hand. Binks should be showing up in PV in early to mid October.

This could be good, if the writers find something for Binks to do besides prop the Laverys and declare “Babe is love.”

Word has it that Aidan and Aiden will be leaving AMC and soon.

Damn, the thought of no more spotted dick just makes me sad.

Here’s to another week in the Valley!