AMC Spoiler Commentary by Kate Brown

For the week of June 25th

Sometimes the only choice one has is to sing the blues:

I used to like a guy named Tad

He was quite the cad

But then he buried and tortured Greg

And now I’m feeling sad

Oh, I got the blues. Yeah, I got the All My Children

Blues

Erica, oh Erica, she finally married Jack

But still she wasn’t happy

‘Cause we all know---

it’s Ryan she craves in the sack

Oh, I got the blues. Yeah. I got the AMC Blues.

When the Careys first came to town

They were gold digging whores

Then everyone started worshipping them

And the ratings fell thru the floor

Oh, I got the blues. Yeah, I got the All My Children Blues.

When Jamie was a little boy

He was awfully cute

But now when I see his face

I turn my DVR to Mute

Oh, I got the blues. Yeah, I got the All My Children Blues.

Oh, Ryan Lavery used to be

My favorite con

But now he makes me sorry

I turned my TV on

Oh, I got the blues. Yeah, I got the AMC Blues.

Yes, it’s true I smile

Whenever I look at Zach

But if you really love me you’ll bring

My David back

Oh, I got the blues. Yeah, I got the All My Children Blues.

Yep, I’ve got the AMC blues. I fail at being patient during this transition period between old head writer and new. It’s not clear and may not be for some time, how much will really change now that Megan McTavish is gone.

There have been some bright moments recently such as Babe leaving Fusion and well, Babe leaving Fusion. Oh, and for a brief time, we did not see a Carey every single day. That was nice, wasn’t it?

Now Babe has been begged back to Fusion and Erica is filming her new show (did you know Erica had a new show?) at Krystal’s bar. AMC remains tilted way too far off its axis. Each time it moves forward it back tracks even farther.

Still, there have to be better days ahead, right? RIGHT?

What else. What else.

When Kendall went in search of “the magic pot” was anyone else disappointed that Greenlee didn’t go in search of rolling papers?

“Who the hell is Greenlee? And where do you get off handing her a piece of my life?” Annie is not the most interesting character to ever hit the Valley, but every time she puts Ryan in his place I like her just a little bit more.

There are quite a few hot men in Pine Valley, but none make me as weak in the knees as Adam in that black pullover did.

“I guess I’m a bad girl after all.” Amanda was just stating what was already written on her panties. (Damn, I want a pair that says that.)

Seeing Terri Ivens made me wonder once again why AMC never made her a leading lady. Simone had an interesting life which could have provided a wealth of storylines.

“For a guy who had his brain cut open you still have a lot of issues.” Finally someone onscreen said what so many viewers have been thinking.

“Lily told me he gave you a brain tumor.” Yes, Ava, one Christmas Jonathan asked for a skateboard but his father gave him a brain tumor instead. Nothing Jonathan’s father did, except making his family live over a dry cleaning operation, could have caused the brain tumor.

“I don’t want this to turn into the Krystal Carey Show.” It would have been helpful, Krystal, if you had spoken up about this a little sooner.

Who, but a cosmetics genius like Greenlee, would have thought to use Green Tea to scent products? This is rather pathetic. Even the Rite Aid house brand was using green tea as a scent years ago.

Jonathan watching Ava sleep was as creepy as Terry watching Lily. Except, of course, for the fact Jonathan is a hero.

“I’m just as responsible as you are for what happened that night.” Uhh, no Jamie, you are not. Yes, the two of you were having sex but only one of you knew Babe was married. (Here’s a hint: it wasn’t you.)

Speaking of Jamie, why isn’t he moving into Phoebe’s mansion? Or did he donate the property to the Brooke English House?

The Jack/Milla/Tad/Erica scene at the bar was depressing, wasn’t it? Not only was Erica’s behavior embarrassing but the lighting wasn’t doing anyone any favors.

When Jamie and Babe were cooing over Jenny, I kept thinking how one day the poor kid is probably going to have to explain to her friends why her brother and sister are married.

Jamie and Julia’s breakup was terribly civilized, which was terribly refreshing.

“Maybe what we should do is help her in finding her own life.” Oh, silly Zach, that will never work, it makes too much sense.

“I don’t just want revenge, I want cash.” That sounded good, Amanda, but then you settled for $500k and a sports car. Too bad Trevor didn’t teach you negotiating skills before his untimely demise.

Tad shoving Jenny in Adam’s face was boorish. And rude. And childish. In other words, predictable Martin behavior.

I cannot wait for Jonathan’s tour of Wildwind. “Want to see the mausoleum, Ava? It’s so cool; one of the people I murdered is buried there.”

Will this week’s spoilers have us reaching for our own magic pot or not? Let’s see:

JR regrets not reading Faking Your Own Kidnapping for Dummies when his plan continues to fall apart.

JR is none too happy to discover Adam has the FBI hot on the trail of the kidnappers and the ransom.

Did the fact that Adam is a man of action somehow slip JR’s mind?

JR’s day gets worse when Amanda’s demands escalate.

Did the fact that Amanda can be a woman of action somehow slip JR’s mind?

JR is completely dismayed when Adam says that Zach lent him the ransom money. JR’s dismay turns to despair when Adam goes on to say he put everything he owns up as collateral for the loan.

“But not my Daimler. For god’s sake, Dad, tell me you didn’t up my Daimler. I love that car.”

JR figures out that he has been out punk’d by Zach when Zach demands Adam turn all the collateral over to him.

JR should get together with ATWT’s Lily to form a support group for spoiled adult children who caused their parents to lose their companies. Together they are a matched set of self-absorbed idiots.

Adam and JR inform the Chandler Board about the Cambias takeover.

Being a member of the Chandler Board must be one of the most stressful jobs in the Valley.

Amanda decides a bit of Spotted Dick is necessary to find Seamus Wong, the well-dressed faux kidnapper who betrayed JR.

It’s difficult to argue the logic of needing Spotted Dick.

Zach explains his Chandler actions to Myrtle.

How bad can next week be if we get a Myrtle/Zach scene?

Greenlee continues to act like Greenlee, except in the flashbacks where she doesn’t seem like Greenlee at all.

Greenlee makes a play for Ryan and is crushed when he points out that Annie and Emma are the center of his life.

I am not so sure about that. I mean do you see Annie and Emma anywhere in this picture?

Greenlee decides to make Annie’s life at Fusion miserable.

How? By making Annie wear the new Fusion Green scent?

Ryan tells Greenlee that she needs to respect his family’s boundaries. Zach tells Kendall that he will let her handle Greenlee, as long as Greenlee respects their family’s boundaries.

The problem here is that Greenlee has no idea what boundaries even are, let alone knowing how to respect them.

Annie wonders how much she will have to give up in order to accommodate Ryan’s wish to make Greenlee part of their lives.

Well, Annie, it’s likely you will have to give up any sense of security along with any sense of self-worth. Wouldn’t it be easier to just give up Ryan?

Annie lashes out at Ryan, telling him he, not Greenlee, is the one who doesn’t respect the boundaries of family.

But, Annie, don’t you understand that Ryan is all about family? That’s what makes him such a great guy.

Josh realizes that Greenlee’s sudden good mood is because she is causing tension in the newlywed’s marriage.

Greenlee is a bit puzzled when Josh suggests that buying a kiddie pool could cause even more tension. Josh offers to show Greenlee exactly how that would work.

Greenlee apologizes to Babe for mistreating her.

I am now throwing up in the kiddie pool.

Other stuff happens, too.

Di tells Ava she needs to be on her best behavior when working at the Comeback.

I need some clarification here. Would that be “best behavior” as defined by the Careys or as defined by everyone else? Because if Ava has to mimic the Carey’s best behavior, she should be rolling in cash in no time.

Colby asks Krystal for a job at the Comeback. Little does Colby know that her co-worker will be Ava.

First of all, Colby is too young to be working in a bar. Second, a much better job for Colby would be helping Myrtle out at The Boutique. Colby is a stylin’ girl, so she would be good at it. Not only that, but a summer of talks with Myrtle would be much better for Colby than a summer of Carey tutoring.

In order to keep Jackson at her side, Erica pretends to be sick.

If that doesn’t work, what’s next? Pretending to be pregnant?

Jackson tells Erica she’s dying.

Well, she should be dying, dying from embarrassment.

Here’s to another week in the Valley!