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For the Week of March 26, 2007
Reunited and
it feels so good Peaches & Herb
With all the hootin’, hollerin’ and hammerin’ going on at Casa Chandler it was almost impossible to hear the cover of Peaches & Herb’s Reunited, wasn’t it? What, you didn’t hear it? I could have sworn I heard Adam’s testicles sweetly singing it to him. Yes, Adam’s boys are back. I only hope their return is permanent. My fear is that they are only attached with Velcro. Still, I intend to enjoy the “complete” Adam while he is here. Krystal never really knew Adam at all, did she? Adam is a self-made man from Pigeon Hollow. Krystal, not being much of a self-starter herself, never understood what it took for Adam to make his mark on the corporate world. It took brains, gumption and pride. Adam’s pride has been dealt a terrible blow and hell hath no fury like an Adam with wounded pride. Tad never really knew Krystal at all, did he? Which was pretty stupid when you think about it. Krystal at least has a tiny bit of an excuse because she did not watch Adam maneuver his way to the top. On the other hand, Tad has been witness to Krystal’s parent tampering. Not only was Tad a witness but for a time he was a co-conspirator. Tad’s pride had him believing that Krystal would con everyone else in the world but she would never con him. One of the reasons Tad holds that belief is because he still clings to the image of himself as a good guy. A good friend, a good son, a good private dick and a good parent. Even with mounting evidence to the contrary, Tad still believes he is good and Adam is evil. Of course that Tad/Adam dichotomy has been an AMC staple for years. In the early years when Adam was drugging Dixie and Tad was rescuing her that held true. Now? Not so much. Tad’s infidelities contributed heavily to the marriage/divorce merry-go-round with Dixie. Many times Tad failed to deliver on his promise to JR for a stable happy family life. Tad continued the Mirabess lie. Tad made excuses for all of Jamie’s crimes. Tad arranged for Jamie and Babe to escape, with Adam III, to South America. In Florida, Tad let Erica think he had just discovered the Mirabess secret when in fact he had known about it for months. Tad was prepared to let JR spend the rest of his life mourning his infant son’s death. Tad buried Greg Madden alive. Tad tortured him and was ultimately responsible for Greg’s death. Adam’s history of bad deeds is so legion that there is no need for me to list them here. As for his good deeds, no one ever talks about the hand Adam had in the resolving the Mirabess mess. I was furious with Bianca this week for bad mouthing Adam. It was Adam who teamed up with arch enemy Palmer to bring down Michael when he wasn’t jailed for rape. It was Adam who brought Miranda to the hospital for DNA testing. It was Adam who was thoughtful enough to have Miranda’s things packed up and delivered to Bianca. It was Adam who found the intestinal fortitude to tell JR the truth about Bess and what he believed to be the truth about Adam III. Adam gets a bad rap for not caring about anyone who does not carry the Chandler DNA. You only have to view his goodbye scene with Miranda or look at his relationship with Scott to know that is not true. And let’s not forget Adam’s heartbreak when Laura died. Adam is not just evil, he is complicated. Tad is not just good, he is complicated. The real difference between Tad and Adam is the same as the difference between Tad and David. David and Adam are honest about who they are. Tad has not grown up enough yet to be comfortable with such self-awareness. I think one reason Tad constantly repeats the “Adam is evil” mantra is because Tad does not want to look at how alike they really are. Tad journey’s to admit that could be interesting and Michael E. Knight certainly is up to it. (Once again, a request for Ray Gardner haunting Tad, please.) And now Adam and Tad are alike in another way, too. Krystal took them both for a ride, literally and figuratively. What else. What else. “If Zoe doesn’t fit in here, then I don’t, either.” Could we have a week, just one week, where family members don’t threaten banishment whenever they don’t get their way? Why don’t they just threaten to hold their breath until they turn blue? It would be more fun to watch. “When do we stop, Ryan, when do we stop losing everything we love?” You know what’s funny about that question, Jonathan? I bet Sam and Maddie were asking themselves the very same thing right after you murdered their father. Now go stand in the corner and hold your breath until you turn blue. “That was one productive night.” Could it be true? Did I really see a slight smile play across Derek’s face when he said this to Tad? “Since when do you care about what I want, Tad?’” Well, Krystal, Tad has been caring about what you want ever since he became your co-conspirator in the Mirabess mess. “You do all these terrible things and then tell yourself you are doing them for the right reasons.” So tell me, Josh, what were you telling yourself when you were drugging Erica and setting Amanda up to take the fall? Were you telling yourself you were doing those terrible things for the wrong reasons? Go stand in the corner and ponder that for awhile. Oh, and while you are pondering, hold your breath until your face turns blue. Damn you, Ryan, for putting Annie’s socks on her feet. For a moment there I was reminded what a charming guy you used to be. “Your kind of love hurts, so don’t hurt my dad anymore.” Out of the mouths of teenagers… My heart was breaking for Colby. She was trying so hard to come up with a way to fix everything. I think she should go live with Myrtle for awhile. “It reminded me of how after Miranda was born we lost each other and then found our way back to each other.” Bianca makes it sound like Miranda wandered away from her one day at the Pine Valley Mall. Binks has transformed Miranda’s kidnapping into a bigger fairy tale than the one Annie wrote for Emma. Annie may not be a cock tease but she certainly is a proposal tease. “Why did you ever leave that man?” I have been trying to figure that one out for months now, Myrtle. Mysterious ankles at the cemetery. Mysterious fairly large hands on a tombstone. I do believe Hannah has finally arrived in PV. “Don’t play self-righteous with me, you little S.O.B.” You are not a Martin. JR, only Martins get to play self-righteous. “My Charlotte. My Lottie.” Yes, I teared up. Yes, I am a sap. “How does it feel to profit from other people’s deaths?” Refresh my memory, Jonathan, exactly where are you living these days? Back to the corner with you and this time hold your breath until you turn indigo. “You cared when you gave my daughter another chance in this house.” Oh, Krystal, Krystal, as I recall you threatened to disappear with Charlotte if Adam did not let Babe stay. “You think you can play chicken with my baby?” You are not a Carey, Tad, only Careys get to play chicken with babies (see above). Lily and Zach together are almost as adorable as Myrtle and Zach together. Speaking of Lily, is it my TV or were there red balloons all over Bink’s apartment? And wasn’t the “Happy Birthday” sign by the door written in red ink? Why is everyone acting like Adam is overreacting about Krystal’s betrayal? (OK, maybe boarding up the mansion was bit over the top but these are the Careys after all.) And why doesn’t Tad have the class to not antagonize the man he cuckolded? I wanted to be at Miranda’s party. There was just the right mix of adult bitchiness and baby cuteness. I am very glad Zoe and Binks did not kiss at the end of Friday’s episode because then this column would have really gone on forever instead of just seeming like it does. “You should have seen her. Her mouth was all over me.” (Insert your own Kendall and Annie visual here. My visual is making me laugh, how about you?) “And she rearranged the kitchen cabinets without asking.” I understand your distress, Lily, but Barbara probably needed more room for her liquor. “I’m not Ryan.” And that, Zach, is one of the many reasons I love you. “You and your Circus of Adulterers.” Maybe Ryan would lend them a few clown noses. You cannot have a circus without clown noses! Now let’s look into the Mirror of Mañana at this week’s spoilers. “Insanity” is the Word of the Day at Casa Chandler. JR gives Babe a plot of land. She already has a sadly unused cemetery plot, so this must be for something else. Yes, it’s a plot of land where Babe can have her dream house. JR tells Babe that he will build her dream house even if she divorces him. If JR really loves Babe, he will make sure the house comes complete with a kiddie pool. During the blackout Adam ties Tad to a bed. Krystal unties a grumpy Tad. They soon realize that Adam has them locked in. A crackerjack private dick like Tad should have that lock jimmied in no time. Adam awakens to find himself sprawled on the CE boardroom table. Oh yeah, and he’s naked. What is going on with Tad? First, he bathes and dresses an unconscious Madden and now he is sprawling a naked Adam on a table. Wanting to handle conscious naked men is something I can understand, it is Tad’s growing habit of handling unconscious naked men that has me a bit worried. In order to protect Krystal, Jamie, Aidan and Tad conspire to have Adam committed to a psychiatric hospital. Didn’t we just have the committing-Adam-to-a-psychiatric-hospital-to-protect-Krystal plot ? No, wait, that was way different because Palmer was helping Krystal get Adam committed. Silly me. While institutionalized, Adam chats with a former sister-in-law. No, it’s not Mia, it’s Janet. Will they spend their time doing a paint-by-numbers kit or will they spend it hatching a plot? Undoubtedly the latter since few people plot better than Adam and Janet. The board appoints JR as CE’s new Chairman of the Board. JR then sings “I Did It My Way” to Adam. Adam returns home with Josh in tow. Adam announces that Josh is his new son. For such an uninteresting stalker, Josh certainly has people tripping over themselves to be his parents, doesn’t he? Parenting issues are all over Pine Valley this week. Zoe’s mother arrives in Pine Valley. The mother/daughter meeting does not go well. Turns out Zoe’s mother is not upset because Zarf is now Zoe. Nope, she’s upset because Zoe refuses to sound like she is from Indiana. Hannah arrives in PV and meets with Zach. Together they mourn Ethan. I mourn Ethan, too, because there’s no one left in the Valley who can really wear suspenders. Kendall tells Hannah about Ethan. Hopefully, Kendall leaves out her comparative analysis of Ethan and Zach as lovers. The Kane/Montgomerys have an interesting week. Sean begs Erica not to end her marriage to Jackson. Later Barbara feels compelled to tell Sean about Erica’s indiscretion with Jeff. Teens in Pine Valley know way too much about their adult relatives’ lives. I mean sometimes I feel like I know too much about them. Erica ends her relationship with Jeff, telling him that she will always love Jack. That’s what Erica says but really it’s because Jeff has such lousy taste in clothes. During the settlement negotiations, Erica tells Jack that he should keep the house for Lily and Sean’s sake. And Reggie’s, Jack should also keep it for Reggie’s sake! Barbara tracks down Jack on his yacht. What did Barbara do, implant a GPS monitor in Jack while he wasn’t looking? Barbara consoles a broken hearted Jack. Erica watches as Jack and Barbara perform various consoling acts on and with each other. Karma really is a bitch named Barbara sometimes, isn’t it Erica? Erica, that little minx, serves Jack and Barbara breakfast in bed. If Erica is wearing her French maid’s outfit Barbara will be toast, burnt toast (the only kind Erica knows how to make). Here’s to another
week in the Valley!
Kate's AMC Spoiler Archives For 2007 Kate's AMC Spoiler Archives For 2006
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Kate's AMC Spoiler Commentary Plus... A Cynic Soaps Up - AMC and OLTL |
