---

For the week of Sept 25, 2006

---

Watching AMC was much easier this week. How was that possible? Perhaps drinking a Red Bull with a vodka chaser each time there was a Little Mermaid product placement had a little something to do with it. Alright, so it had a lot to do with it. (Colby being quiet all week helped, too. TV watching is much more pleasant when my ears aren’t bleeding.) 

There is not enough vodka in the world to make me believe Dixie is a pleasant, or interesting, person. Shouldn’t Dixie be spending her time searching for Kate instead of memorizing The Idiot’s Guide to Being the Other Woman?  I am starting to believe that Dixie never actually searched for Kate so much as she searched for men to help her search for Kate. I swear Dixie was channeling Liza when she said, “You selfish bitch. You don’t deserve a man like him.”  How many times did Liza say that to Dixie? In my fantasies the judge in Kate’s eventual custody hearing rules that she stays with her adoptive parents. When Dixie protests, the judge replies, “You selfish bitch. You don’t deserve a daughter like her.” No potent potables would be required to enjoy that scene.    

On the other hand, Di is someone I always enjoy. I am not exactly sure why. Maybe because she doesn’t make many excuses for the things she does. She does what she does and deals with the consequences straight on. Why isn’t Spotted Dick pursuing her? Although I am thinking Di and Binky would make a lovely couple.  

Speaking of couples, now that Jonathan and Lily are thankfully over, will we have Jonathan and Amanda or Jonathan and Annie? I would like to see Jonathan and a therapist before he hooks up with anyone. 

Speaking of therapists, Simone actually mentioned her father. Will we ever find out why Simone and her father have different last names? Or why TPTB do not build a real story around her? Making s’mores at Confusion is not a storyline. 

How much did Kendall have to drink at Confusion?  Clearly a lot. How else to explain her thinking that Ryan is “noble, honorable and true” ?   The best thing I can say about Ryan is that he spits less than his son does. Yes, Ryan is cute with Spike, but then everyone is cute with Spike.  

At least Kendall did not let her delusional view of Ryan get in the way of honoring her marriage vows.  She managed to keep a very confusing situation in perspective. 

Babe on the other hand has been looking for any excuse to bed, or floor, Josh. JR leaving the toilet seat up would have been reason enough for Babe to cheat. (But, Mamma, JR left the seat up, how was I supposed to react to that?” “I hear ya, Baby Doll, Adam does the same thing! That’s why I slept with Tad!”) 

Will this week’s AMC give us reasons to FF and/or drink? Let’s see: 

For a tiny space, the Fusion roof sure sees a lot of action, doesn’t it? 

Josh and Babe are naked. The rooftop door starts to open. It’s JR! Josh hides to avoid a confrontation. 

Not a lot of places to hide on the roof. Josh could hide in plain sight but how? Well, floating in the pool pretending to be a ring toss game is one option. 

JR apologizes to Babe for behaving badly. 

This one of my major complaints about AMC—JR is always apologizing to people who have treated him badly, very badly. GH repeatedly did this with AJ Quartermaine and one day I just stopped watching. 

JR explains to his wife why he has been distracted lately. 

Presumed dead sister? Lying scheming stalker possible murderer for a mother? Rehearsals/performances for Beauty and the Beast? 

The more JR opens up to her, the guiltier Babe feels about “opening up” for Josh.  

Babe, why don’t you go steal a cow? Maybe that will make you feel better. 

Babe confesses to Krystal that she had sex with Josh. Colby, still tunnel loitering, overhears their conversation. 

At last, a reason for Colby to exist, to make Babe’s life a living hell.  

Josh and Babe find Colby living in the tunnels. Babe tells everyone that Colby faked her death. 

I don’t see why that is such a big deal. In Pine Valley being presumed dead is almost a rite of passage, isn’t it? 

Colby has a quite a rejoinder for Babe, “Yeah, well, maybe I faked my death but you slept with Josh. On the roof. How yucky is that?” 

The impact of Colby’s words is lessened somewhat because of her odd way of emphasizing every word in a sentence exactly the same way.  

JR cannot believe that Babe had sex with Josh. 

“Babe wouldn’t do that. She might lie to me about our son being dead, not about being faithful. I am right aren’t I, James?”  “Would my older brother like his bourbon straight up or on the rocks?” 

Kendall tells Josh that Babe will always love JR.  

Kendall is probably right and that just makes my heart break. For JR. 

It’s time for court room justice, Pine Valley style. 

Di and Jamie race against the clock to find evidence clearing Dixie. 

Just once I would like to see someone actually race against the clock. Wouldn’t it be cute to see a clock, wearing little Nikes, running around Pine Valley? OK, so it’s just me… 

Dixie tells Zach that she was stalking, oops, I mean spying on, Kendall.  Dixie tells Zach that Kendall has been unfaithful to him. Zach is pissed. 

No, Zach is not angry with Dixie for stalking but with Kendall for supposedly cheating. Me? I am angry with Zach for not seeing what a dangerously needy nut job Dixie really is.  

Myrtle convinces Kendall to attend the trial. 

A Myrtle scene! A Myrtle scene! Who else wants a Myrtle scene showing her verbally bitch slapping Dixie for messing with Zach ? OK, it’s not just me… 

Under oath, Tad admits to Livia how he really feels about Dixie. 

“Well, when I heard Dixie was coming back, I was all excited. In my excitement I forgot that AMC has botched every character return beyond imagining. Now I just keep hoping that Oakdale’s Rosanna wakes up from her coma. And fast.” 

Jamie bursts into the courtroom with evidence that Tad is lying. 

Of course he does, because we cannot have a trial in PV without someone bursting in saying, “Your honor, I have important evidence that must be presented right now. Judicial procedure be dammed!”  

Other stuff happens, too. 

Jonathan and Amanda have sex. 

I wish Amanda liked herself as much as I like her. Maybe then she would realize she deserves better than being Jonathan’s consolation prize. 

Ryan wonders if Annie is interested in finding out who is Emma’s biological father. 

Of course she is, November sweeps are right around the corner. 

David steals Tad’s toothbrush. 

Doing these petty, DNA-testing things is not how I want David to spend his last remaining moments in Pine Valley.  Even if he wears jeans while doing these petty things.  

And here’s to another week in the Valley!