AMC Spoiler Commentary by Kate Brown

For the Week of October 15th

You may be right

I may be crazy

But it just might be a lunatic you’re looking for

Billy Joel

I am besotted with Richie. Richie is currently the most interesting character in Pine Valley. Insane or not, he is complicated, charming and bright. Richie enjoys emotionally torturing others but I suspect Richie is a bit emotionally tortured, too. You know much I love tortured, complicated men (see: Hayward, David).

I am reveling in my besotted-ness because sooner or later Richie will be transformed into a mere shadow of his current self. Complicated characters have all but vanished from AMC. Richie could turn out to be a long lost Lavery cousin which means Richie will start worshiping Ryan as the best hero ever. Or Richie will be rendered impotent on every level due to his involvement with Babe, either by marriage (see: Chandler, JR) or biology (see: Hayward, David).

It was amusing to watch Ryan trying to win a staring contest against Richie. Ryan’s Mad Dead Dog eyes didn’t stand a chance against Richie’s Blue Devil Eyes of Seduction, did they?

Richie was the highlight of my AMC viewing this week.

Oh, I was wrong. There was one other highlight this week:

Adam: “Killing in cold blood and then crying ‘brain tumor’.”

Ava: “At least Jonathan has an excuse for what he did. JR: “Or a cover.”

The Chandler men are now my fellow passengers on the Primal Fear bus. I cannot think of better travelling companions.

Krystal stating that most things involving Adam are a conspiracy was definitely a lowlight. Listening to Krystal sling her hypocritical bull is no longer anger provoking, it’s merely exhausting. I will never forgive Krystal for founding the Concubine Conspiracy. Goodness knows, how could I ever forget she is Pine Valley’s Queen of Clueless Hypocrisy ? It’s just that when Krystal speaks all I hear is this, “Blah, blah, Adam, blah, blah, Evil, blah, blah, blah, Tad, blah, blah, blah, good.”

What else. What else.

Dre showed up in the opening credits. It seems a bit odd that he was there but none of the band members who are not named Dre. What does that mean? Are the members not named Dre about to exit Pine Valley? Or does it simply mean the actor, Sterling Sullieman, has a better agent?

Why wasn’t Krystal shocked to suddenly find herself hugging the new Babe? At the very least Krystal should have checked the new Babe’s driver’s license.

“You’re my wife. I will honor and protect you always. I will also get rid of anyone who hurts you or makes you unhappy in any way.” OK, that isn’t exactly what Zach said but you know that’s what he was thinking.

“Have you ever mistaken obsession with love?” Yes, Hannah, unfortunately Josh has done exactly that. Being obsessed with Zach is one thing; being obsessed with Babe is beyond comprehension.

“I AM RYAN LAVERY. I AM GOD.” Ok, that isn’t exactly what Ryan said to Richie but you know that’s what he was thinking.

“I want to kill the little bitch.” That’s the Kendall I love. Knife strapping, viper buying, taking no prisoners Kendall.

“I never felt we were in danger with Wes. Not for one minute. Well, Babe, Bianca never thought she was in danger around you, either. Not for one minute.

Hopefully Spotted Dick’s “Richie Novak: This is Your Life” tour will keep him away from PV for awhile. Anything to get him out of Ryan’s toxic orbit.

What is Hannah’s secret? Hair extensions? Nope, it has to be something which would threaten her relationship with Zach. Could it be she hates hockey? More likely it is something that involves Cambias-the-Elder.

“Pretending to be a nice guy. Playing mind games with Annie. Just like my brother Jonathan played mind games with Greenlee.” Well, that’s what I heard Ryan say.

Aidan, Ryan and Zach all behaved badly in the interrogation room but the only one I wanted to knee in his family jewels was Ryan.

Yes, I know Spike is deaf but it was still unsettling when Kendall shared her revenge plans with him. (Disturbing but not odd. My mother used to share with me her plans to murder my father and then use the insurance money to buy a motel in Indiana. She and Janet would definitely have been BFFs.)

Ava and JR making out on the yacht would have been wrong. JR and Amanda making out at the Valley Inn would have been wrong. Even JR and Amanda making out at the Pine Cone would have been wrong. JR and Amanda making out in a dirty alley? Perfect.

Looks to me like newBabe was studying a used copy of The Preppy Handbook instead of her GED study guide.

Ryan and Aidan did not have to go to all that trouble to make Richie confess. It would have much easier, not mention more effective, if they had threatened to make Richie eat a 3-day old serving of Bangers and Mash. While wearing a clown nose.

Will this week’s spoilers make us feel like lunatics for watching AMC or not? Let’s see.

The FACE OF FUSION continues to take up too much screen time.

In a simple minded effort to get out of her FACE OF FUSION contract Ava shows up at work copping an attitude. One more thing, Ava is now sporting a Mohawk.

Doesn’t Ava always show up at work copping an attitude? Top Chef’s Dale looks good with a Mohawk. I suspect Ava does not.

Rather than being appalled with Ava’s new look, Amanda and Babe decide to “make it work” for Fusion.

This only makes sense on the Planet Crack.

Amanda worries about JR’s interest in Ava.

I don’t blame Amanda; I’d be worried, too. Not only about catching an STD but also that JR might get the sudden desire to sport a Mohawk, too. True, JR needs to do something with his hair but I’m not sure a Mohawk is the way to go.

Is there anyone in PV not plotting a plot? Lily probably isn’t but I bet she could give odds on which plots are likely to succeed.

Turns out Ryan and Annie pulled one over on old Richie. Ryan faked shooting Annie and Annie faked being shot.

And we all faked giving a damn.

Joe tells Kendall that a cochlear implant may not be a viable option for Spike.

This disappointing news strengthens Kendall’s desire to destroy Greenlee.

Kendall issues an invitation to Greenlee. An excited Greenlee accepts.

“Kendall likes me! She really, really likes me!”

Greenlee arrives to find Spike’s bloody car seat in the middle of the room surrounded by a whole lot of burning candles.

“Kendall made it so special by lighting all these candles. Kendall likes me! She really, really likes me!’

Kendall wants all the details about “that night” from Greenlee.

“Well, first of all, I was really, really happy that we were going to NYC together because that meant you really, really liked me. And then I kidnapped Spike for a few minutes and then I did something really,really stupid and crashed the car. I mean really, really crashed the car. And then Spike was deaf and Ian was born early and I thought you would never like me again, I mean really, really never. But then you invited me here and lit all these candles so I knew you must really, really like me again.”

For some inexplicable reason Kendall lets Greenlee hold Spike.

This makes perfect sense. On the Planet Crack.

Zach asks Josh to join his plot to dangle Ryan’s “deviled eggs” in front of Greenlee.

Josh is relieved to discover that Zach didn’t mean to literally dangle Ryan’s “deviled eggs” in front of Greenlee.

Other stuff happens, too.

Babe fights her growing attraction to Richie.

Babe tries distracting herself by clipping coupons. “Oh, look Mama, here’s a coupon for a kiddie pool.”

Tad and Ryan pledge to protect their families.

Tad: “Well, Ryan, if Richie bothers us again I’ll bury him alive in a box the same way Zach buried Madden.”

Ryan: “Tad, I will destroy Richie by gazing at him with my laser eyes until he crumbles into a pile of dust. If that doesn’t work, I’ll pelt him with clown noses.”

Adam and Krystal give into their passion for each other.

And I give in to the urge to pull my eyeballs out through my ears.

Here’s to another week in the Valley!