For the Week of December 4, 2007


            A slap is better than a kiss

                                                  Cambias the Elder


This quote is pure speculation but it sounds like something Alex would have said. He might not have used those exact words but it’s likely Alex imparted that piece of wisdom to his sons. Repeatedly.  If only Zach had remembered his father’s sage advice.  True, it’s unlikely Zach would hit a woman. After all, Zach is not THAT MONSTER. It’s more likely Zach would have yelled, “For god’s sake woman shut the hell up!”  At most Zach would have pelted canned peaches at Greenlee to snap her out of her unconvincing panic attack.

What Zach would not have done is kiss Greenlee. Zach might resort to the kissing technique if he had been trapped with an hysterical Myrtle, Ruth, Julia, Opal, Amanda or even Tad. The one person who would not be on the receiving end would be Greenlee.  That scene was clearly intended to be shocking but it wasn’t. I didn’t find it shocking at all that the writers went for a one time “jolt” without regard for a character’s back-story or long term development.

Zach wasn’t the only Slater acting out of character this week. Kendall’s pacing around the house wringing her hands with worry was definitely un-Kendall like. To the extreme.  Kendall using the Cambias wealth and connections to find Zach would have been true to the character. Kendall asking her old friend Palmer to use his resources would have been true to the character. Kendall could have done all that without leaving home. (There’s this new invention called the telephone. I am pretty sure Kendall has one.) Her desire to stay at home with her boys is understandable but Josh is more than capable of overseeing the search.

Would Kendall have ignored Erica’s calls during this time of crisis? Nope, especially considering that Erica has wealth and connections herself. Would Kendall be annoyed when Erica suggested that they need to do something anything, to help with the search? No.

Would Kendall prefer to sit on the couch writing a book, in long hand no less, instead of being proactive in the search?  No way in hell.

Is the character being sacrificed so that ABCD has a product to shill? Certainly seems that way. (If they want to publish an AMC related book, why does it have to be Kendall’s? Perhaps they should consider “Recipes from the Comeback. Dishes so tasty they’ll have your guests coming back for sloppy seconds”.)

Kendall and Zach are behaving uncharacteristically. Tad, unfortunately, is not:

                    JR: You used to have standards, Tad.

                    Tad: They’re still there. Top of the list? Owning what you do.

Now Tad saying, “Others owning what they do” would have been spot on. Maybe it would have even been a small step on the road to redemption for Tad. As it stands, every time Tad speaks he reaffirms his role as a hypocritical buffoon. Tad never “owned” his role in the Mirabess Mess.  Tad never “owned” burying Madden alive.  Tad discussing his crimes with his co-conspirators is not “owning” up to anything.  It’s rather like Ryan saying “I’m not a hero” only to people who will disagree with him.

Ryan used to be charming. Now he’s not. Tad used to be charming. Now he’s not. I’m sensing a pattern.

Aidan used to be charming, too. Aidan’s charm was, well, part of his charm. It’s taking real effort to stop my Spotted Dick love from going limp. Aidan’s brains and good manners disappeared the moment he admitted loving Greenlee. What happened to Aidan’s band of invisible operatives? Why aren’t they scouring the woods for Greenlee? Or maybe they are doing the smart thing by waiting until daylight? And another thing, did Aidan lie about being raised by humans?   Only being raised by wolves would excuse locking that poor man in his own closet.

This week wasn’t all bad.  Jack and Erica finally said things to each other that should have been said a long time ago.  Neither of them was completely wrong nor was either one completely right. Mona did love Erica unconditionally. Erica has always expected that same sort of unconditional love from the men in her life. That’s why she expects Jack to always forgive her.  It’s completely unrealistic for Erica to think Jack could get past her forging the commitment papers. It’s just as unrealistic for Jack to expect Erica to forgive Greenlee for harming her daughter’s children. If he knew Erica at all, Jack would never expect her to take Greenlee’s side over Kendall’s. If Erica knew Jack at all, she would know that he wo uld never take Kendall’s side over Greenlee’s.  Erica and Jack lost their fairytale/soul mate allure during the Erica/Jeff/Jack debacle. After this recent go-round maybe they both should simply move on.

(As an aside, Erica has always been a bit off base in believing Jack cost her custody of Bianca. Sure Jack’s telling the truth on the stand did some damage. However, Erica appearing in court dressed like one of Billy Clyde’s girls did not help her case. Dr. Tolan blew Erica’s case out of the water when she testified about the damage a narcissistic parent like Erica could do to a child. It’s easier for Erica to blame Jack than look at her part in losing custody.)

And there was Myrtle!! The most wonderful moment since the last time we saw her.  It was a quick tears moment when she said “Hello, handsome” to Ian.  Thankfully the writers have not changed Myrtle into someone we neither like nor recognize.

And then there was Janet! Janet contemplating a plastic spoon was the most interesting thing to happen in weeks.  Janet and Amanda’s scenes reminded me of how much I miss them both.  What’s even crazier than Janet’s behavior? Ava and Babe having more scenes than Amanda.


What else. What else.

“Do you remember the lobster?”  My dear Zach, how could we ever forget?

Mr. Novak returned. Still cold towards his daughter but melting at the sight of his daughter’s daughter granddaughter.

“She still cares about our friendship.” Greenlee’s obsession with Kendall is making her scarier than, well, scarier than the scary guy in the scary woods.

“Hell, I could have put on a dress and danced the tango.”  I would pay good money to see that, especially with Kyle as JR’s partner.

“Maybe Richie will stop breathing soon. Will that work for you?”  No, Babe, it wouldn’t. What would work for me? If you stopped breathing. Babe has gone from smug and irritating to vapid and irritating.

 If I took a drink each time I heard “Apologies” it wouldn’t be long before I was passed out on the floor. My drunken dreams would be all about JR putting on a dress and dancing the tango..

“Zach, you stay awake long enough to help me get out of here.” That’s Greenlee, always thinking about the welfare of others. No wonder Aidan and Jack love her so.

Joe felt compelled to tell Jack the truth about Erica’s forgery. Too bad Joe didn’t feel compelled to tell Bianca the truth about Miranda.

“I guess I’m just lonely, Mother.” There was such heartbreak in those few simple words. Who is writing the Janet/Amanda scenes? Why aren’t they writing every scene?

“I guess it’s the Chandler blood in me. I want to do what’s right for my son.” Adam and JR’s scenes felt as real as Janet and Amanda’s. They are bittersweet reminders of AMC’s halcyon days.

“I’m very intuitive, sweetheart, when I’m not hallucinating.” Aren’t we all, Janet, aren’t we all?

Will this week’s spoilers have us dancing the tango or not?

Let’s begin with the fallout shelter that time forgot:

Zach makes sure Greenlee understands Kendall’s true feelings.

“Kendall doesn’t like you, Greenlee, she really, really doesn’t like you.”

Somewhere between being tossed from a car and falling down a hole, Zach lost the photo of his family. Understandably this makes him sad. Greenlee is feeling sad, too. They feel sad together.

I’m feeling sad, too. Sad that this story is probably going to last until Father Clarence, the Christmas Angel of Death, returns to PV.

Zach and Greenlee make a surprising and scary discovery when they start to tear down the concrete wall.

Bobby Martin’s skeleton? Kevin Sheffield’s remains?  A dead Brooke still clutching a copy of her last Tempo editorial?  Skeletons belonging to the entire Chin clan? Wilhelmina Lacey’s corpse? (Please use this space to add your favorite AMC character that disappeared without a trace or an explanation.)

Back above ground:

Aidan is distraught when he finds a drum buried near where Greenlee disappeared.

Bongo? Conga? Snare? Kettle?  Perhaps Aidan will deduce that Greenlee was carried off by a marching band.

Kendall dreams that Zach and Greenlee die together.

Well, Kendall, sometimes you have to take the good with the bad.

Kendall goes to Aidan and tells him about her nightmare. Aidan turns down her offer to help search for Zach and Greenlee. He’s rather snotty about the whole thing.

Few things are sadder than a Spotted Dick gone bad.

Aidan refuses to share his information with Erica and Kendall. On the sly Tad lets the Kane women in on some of the information he and Aidan have gathered.

 On the sly? Some? Tad seems to have too easily forgotten that if not for Zach, he might be cooling his aging jets at Statesville.

Kendall confesses everything to Aidan.

“I was a fool to leave the hotel room after our wonderful night together. I lie about watching CNN;  I watch “Deal or No Deal” instead. I think I should be “America’s Next Top Model”. Fusion products make my skin break out in a rash. Oh, and I set Greenlee up.”

Happy days are few and far between at Hypocrisy House.

Krystal and Adam decide to spend the night together. Krystal tells Tad about her plans.

Krystal is behaving like a responsibly.  I wonder if covering her cleavage has anything to do with her new found sense of parental responsibility.

Tad’s reminds Krystal that he doesn’t want Adam anywhere near Jenny. After all, Jenny is his daughter.

As I recall, parental rights never crossed Tad’s mind during the MiraBess mess.

Krystal injures herself.  Adam drives Krystal and Jenny to the ER. Tad is furious when he finds Adam holding Jenny.

I suspect Tad’s reaction will be more like self-righteous indignation than fury.

Richie’s plans with the Fraudulent Freudian,Dr. Chambers, are revealed. Chambers helped Richie get parole in exchange for being named Richie’s beneficiary on his life insurance policy. There’s only one hitch; Richie has to be murdered in order for Chambers to collect.

I would love to see the wording on that policy wouldn’t you? On the other hand, why should insurance make sense when nothing else in Pine Valley does?

Lily retreats into herself when she overhears Richie and Dr. Chambers discussing killing someone. The only word Lily will say is “RosebudMurder.”

Oh, Lily, don’t be so upset. Maybe Richie and Dr. Chambers just have some bad in their brains. A simple surgery will take care of that in no time.

Ava has a plot to break JR out of jail. Her plot fails and she winds up in jail herself! Hilarities ensue!

How Ava! How adorable! How ditzy! Leven is her generation’s Judy Holliday! The head banging fun never stops while Ava’s onscreen!

In a feeble attempt to find out the truth about Richie, Ryan and Jonathan pretend to be FBI agents.

I hope the Lavery boys are more convincing pretending to be Feds than they are pretending to be compassionate human beings.

Here’s to another week in the Valley!

Kate's AMC Spoiler Archives For 2007

November 26th

November 19th

October 29th

October 15th

October 8th

September 10th

September 3rd

August 27th

August 20th

August 13th

August 6th

July 30th

July 23rd

July 9, 2007

July 2, 2007

June 25, 2007

June 18th, 2007

June 4, 2007

May 28, 2007

May 21, 2007

May 13, 2007

May 7, 2007

Apr 23, 2007

Apr 16, 2007

Apr 2, 2007

Mar 26, 2007

Mar 19, 2007

Mar 12, 2007

Mar 5, 2007

Feb 26, 2007

Feb 19, 2007

Feb 12, 2007

Feb 5, 2007

Jan 29, 2007

Jan 22, 2007

Jan 15, 2007

Jan 8, 2007

Jan 1, 2007

Kate's AMC Spoiler Archives For 2006